Review: Doom (Justin Fixes the Movies volume 1)

This is a little test if you will, a foray into reviewing shit. When it comes to DVDs, I will try to judge the movie on it's own merits, and not give much time to audio or video quality, or extras, unless they are such an overwhelming factor that it would influence the shelf life of the dvd. Why? Countless other sites cover this stuff, and I figure if you are here, you probably want to see me rant on the movie itself. I will assume that you have read other reviews, and have a general idea of what the movie is about. Our first victim, Doom.

Growing up, Doom was a revolution to me. Sure it wasn't the first FPS that I played (that was Zero Tolerance) nor were there any Nazis to slaughter, but something about this game worked. It looked beautiful at the time, and was pretty gruesome. I would say a lot of the reason Grand Theft Auto works so well is a direct influence from Doom..but thats too abstract for me to attempt to describe right now, since it's so late. Anyways..what was I saying?

Oh yeah. Doom never really had a great story, but it was pretty fun to play. It was at this point last year when I found out it was being made into a movie that I realized that Hollywood had hit rock bottom. Don't cringe, that was unintentional.

This movie is absolute shit. It actually takes the almost non existant story of the Doom franchise and tries to merge it with the Resident Evil movie, making for a retarded mess. It is boring to watch, poorly acted, and has some one liners later on in the movie that rival Batman and Robin. The one scene that everyone talks about, the "first person" scene, looks better in the do most of the CGI effects present.

Shew..ok. Now Deeper: There actually was a criminally fumbled plotline here, as the Rock's Sarge character had potential to be interesting if it didn't end up so predictable.

How could this movie be saved you ask? Here goes.. (SPOILER WARNING)
- Lose the genetic experiment shit. This was a portal to hell and should have stayed that way. Not only is it a bit less played out, it won't unnecessarily convolute the plot.
- Less concentration on action (which doesn't even get started until about the halfway mark anyway) and more on the horror, hopelessness, and fear elements..which are practically nonexistant.
- Greatly expand Sarge's Arc, and for the love of god, don't dumb it down to him vs the hero in the end. Show this guy gradually lose it throughout the film.
- Lose the sister. Bad character, worse actress.
- Link it more to the game. Naming characters after ID software staff is not enough. This had the potential to be a desolate, hopeless schooling of cinema..but with all that said, I guess people weren't expecting much from a videogame movie. Thank you Dr. Boll.

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