In Tune: Music Video Channels

Don't worry, I'm not planning to add another anti-MTV diatribe to the heap, nor will I comment on VH1's transformation into People Magazine for people who can't read. There are a number of other channels out there geared primarily towards airing music videos, and I want to talk about two in particular. The first is VH1 Classic, dedicated to showing "classic" videos from basically the period when live performance on television began up through the early 1990s, with few exceptions. Basically, it's a channel dedicated to music, and the diversity thereof. And I love it. The VJs are universally excellent. They're knowledgeable, they're mature, they're respectful--and in an interesting move by the network--they're not annoying as hell. They conduct plenty of in-house interviews with musicians of all stripes, with equal emphasis on their classic status as well as the fact that many of these artists are still alive and kicking. The show selection is also interesting and diverse. Among the many there's several All Request Hours per week, there's the self-explanatory Two-Play Tuesday, and Class Of... which features videos from any given year. A couple of my favorites are Current/Classic, which pairs videos from the same artist spanning any number of years; and The Alternative, on several times a week at various lengths, dedicated to so-called "alternative" music from throughout the ages. And I'll be the first to admit that a lot of the videos on VH1 Classic are not my cup of tea. But that's perfect, a small price to pay for the obviously love of music. And at least the videos I hate aren't the same videos the other networks are driving into the ground. I'd rather watch the Michael McDonald video I hate but haven't seen in years, than the same couple Chris Brown videos I hate played over and over. The one fear I have is that it will fall the same way MTV2 fell, and if you witnessed its heyday you know what I mean. But as it stands, VH1 Classic stands as the best music video station on TV.

The other notable channel is Fuse, which sucks generally, and with which I have a particular bone to pick. Okay, generally speaking: in contrast to VH1 Classic, the VJs here are either deathly bland or pathologically obnoxious. The music, regardless of quality which is besides the point, is basically the same stuff played on MTV2, and with the same relentless repetition. However, what specifically raises my hackles about the channel is how it represents itself--quite explicitly as the alternative to MTV--and how it fails in almost every regard. It wasn't so long ago that a (fairly entertaining) Fuse commercial lampooned MTV with a faux-Nick & Jessica commercial, rightfully calling out MTV for its near-total lack of music videos. Well, if you've been watching Fuse at all in the last year, you'll notice that it has been adopting that very same programming style. There was a terrible fake newscast show whose name I thankfully forgot. There was a choose-the-new-VJ competition (sound familiar?). There's even a video countdown show called the F-List where only portions of the videos are aired, minus the screams of hormone-gushing teenagers. And now there's an entire block of non-music video programming, and it's all terrible. There's Empire Square, apparently a British import featuring video game sprites somewhat arbitrarily spouting offensive lines that are supposed to be funny but aren't. A show called Munchies, wherein dim-witted animated characters watch TV (uhhh), but rather than music videos it's terrible sketches performed by (presumably) real people. It's quite evident that the very worst in Internet humor is infiltrating TV, especially music video channels, and I have no explanation for the trend. Anyway, the latest addition to the cavalcade of crap is (and even as I write this I almost hope for your sake that you don't keep reading, so that at least someone is spared) a show called Pants-Off Dance-Off. It's random people stripping in front of a blue screen on which we see a music video. That's not a joke I am telling; Pants-Off Dance-Off is an actual show that exists on the planet upon which you reside, created by and featuring the species to which you belong. I'll assume your eyes are now blurry with tears for humankind, and so will finish this up. Fuse is a disgrace. Not because I expected anything other than a couple dozen teen-aimed music videos of varied quality being replayed ad nauseum, but because that's all I expected, because that was what Fuse itself claimed. Basically, Fuse, you are a liar. A damned liar.