Derzkiedni: Russians Running Wild!

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals. If you have been continually visiting this page looking for new posts, I applaud you. Chris has posted some nice thoughts about Rocky Balboa, which I should see by the end of this week.

I came across a movie trailer for a russian film, Derzkiedni. Even though "parkour" has been around for several years now, it is becoming all the rage on the movie screens. "Banlieu 13" aka "District B13" did it a couple years ago with the inventor of parkour David Belle, and the opening action scene of "Casino Royale" really popularized it because I know most Americans were wowed by that chase scene and kept telling me "i have never seen anything like that".

Now, the Ruskies are on board. While this trailer is totally in Russian, it does pose some important questions to me. What is up with that fat kid? What is up with the love interest's face? Do all Russians look that puny? What happened to the Ivan Drago-like race of super white men Russia is supposed to be full of? What happened to the mohawked spinning piledriving bear wrasslin giants? Come on Russia...you need to bring it like you brought it during the Cold War!

The movie itself looks pretty pedestrian, but it does seem to have some impressive stunt work.

Link to the movie home page

better link to the Rapidshare direct download site

Barely a Review: Rocky Balboa

30 years after the original took the nation by storm, Sylvester Stallone is back on the big screen in the iconic role of Rocky Balboa. The fact that Stallone was able to make this movie was a huge hurdle to clear. The fact that it's an honest to God good movie is an even greater feet of strength.

ROCKY BALBOA is a throwback to the original. The over-the-top theatrics of ROCKY III and IV (which I love) are nowhere to be seen as Stallone plays the character with gentle touches that make him seem more human than ever before. Stallone is smart enough to realize that the story of a near 60-year old man fighting a champion half his age is absurd, but if you can make the character grounded and likeable then the audience will go along for the ride.

This film washes out the bad taste left in the free world's mouth after ROCKY V. The series has come full circle. It started as an underdog story and it ends in the same fashion. It's not a perfect film but its flaws seem small compared to the joy in watching the series find solid footing before it rides off into the cinematic sunset.

Daybroken

Well ABC has decided to take a nice steaming Christmas dump on those (few) who were enjoying the hell out of their series "Daybreak." The show which starred Taye Diggs as a cop framed for murder and forced to relive the same day until he could clear his name has been pulled from the network's schedule.

The ratings have been low for the show but when a network starts a series like "Daybreak," which they touted would run from start of the story to finish, and then kills it midway through they are really fucking themselves in the long run. Why should I start watching any "serialized" show that runs on ABC from here on out?

Word is that episodes of "Daybreak" will show up on ABC's website but that doesn't cut it. I'll sit through clips of stuff online but it's not the way I like to engage myself with hour long television shows. To watch something online for more than 10 minutes makes no sense if it won't end with multiple money shots. Hopefully the show will find a home on DVD.

You may have noticed the picture with this entry featuring the cast of "According to Jim." That's because this Wednesday at 9PM, "Daybreak's" former time slot, you can catch repeats of Jim Belushi's fascinating examination of the modern family. Joy to the world indeed.

Sleeper Cell Awakes

Last year at this time Showtime premiered their mini-series "Sleeper Cell" to little fanfare. Since that time the show remains one of the best kept secrets on television but the critical praise it garnered was enough for a new batch of episodes beginning tonight at 9 under the banner "Sleeper Cell: American Terror."

To say the show is simply about terrorism doesn't explain the half of it. "Sleeper Cell" is perhaps the most interesting depiction of not only those in charge of stopping terrorism, but the actual terrorists themselves. One of its great gifts is the way it lulls you into a comfort level to the point where you actually like the members of the terror cell, then they'll do something that'll turn your stomach and remind you how far they'll go for their cause.

"Sleeper Cell: American Terror" will run a new episode each night between tonight, December 10th thru December 17th. Viewers with access to Showtime On-Demand have the ability to watch all the episodes starting this evening. Though I say that's cheating.

Olyphant Targeted for Hitman

Timothy Olyphant is getting quite the reputation for picking up roles vacated by other actors. He landed the part as the main villain in LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD when Jeffrey Wright dropped out and now he has been cast as the lead in a proposed HITMAN film based on the popular (Are they? I'm not really up on what games are popular anymore, "Frogger" sure was sweet) series of video games.

For a while the role of the kill-happy Agent 47 had Vin Diesel's name on it. Diesel's loss is his A MAN APART co-star Olyphant's gain who might be able to use this chance to jump into leading man status. Not sure why Diesel isn't attached to the project, perhaps he's more attached to being irrelevant.

Low blow, I know.

MyTube: Speechless

Well, I know I have called many of my previous YouTube posts "the best one ever". I probably overuse that title, and here we go again.

If I know our audience, and I think I do, I think you are going to fall in love with "Terminator vs. Robocop". No more explanation is needed. All we need to do now is sit in thanks of the genius behind this and his adept editing skills. Look for uses of footage from several other action classics! Part 1 and Part 2 follow...with a Part 3 IN THE WORKS!!!

(My only real issue lies with the winner of both struggles. I think we all know who would really win...)

Ricky, I mean Rick Schroder joins 24.

As the new year approaches, so too does the new day of "24." The show has assembled a great group of guest stars for the upcoming 6th season and apparently there are still more actors needed to either help save the world or blow it up.

The newest addition to the cast is Rick Schroder. He'll be playing CTU operative Mike Doyle, described as Jack Bauer's "go-to man in the field" which I think translates to "will die horribly." Schroder joins a roster for the new season that already includes Peter MacNicol, James Cromwell, Kal Penn, and Powers Boothe as the Vice President (if only!).

The 5th season of "24" arrives on DVD tomorrow. As much as I like the show I stopped buying the seasons after the first 2. The DVD set contains a short prequel for the new season which can already be seen on Youtube here.

Stallone: Revealed!

I’m not a big fan of Aint It Cool News. I don’t like the site’s design, the talkbacks make me weep for humanity, and those animated scenes at the top showing Harry Knowles in famous movie moments make him look far better than the slob he actually is. But I do give credit where credit is due and they have started running a feature that has been a lot of fun to read.

Apparently Sylvester Stallone contacted Knowles and wanted questions from his readership. So starting last Friday Stallone has been answering 10 questions a day about everything from the upcoming ROCKY BALBOA to what was the proper way to use the 3 seashells from DEMOLITION MAN. Supposedly there will be 200 questions answered and so far Stallone has been going into good detail with his responses.

You can check out the first 10 questions here. There has been a new batch of 10 added each day and if they stay on schedule there will be enough new ones to keep us occupied until ROCKY BALBOA is released on December 20th.

Prayers for Piper

It was only a few weeks ago that I spoke about the 3-disc set released by the WWE dedicated to the career of Roddy Piper. Well it would seem that the toughest challenge to face Piper isn't mentioned on that disc. That's because he has been diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Piper was sent home early from a WWE tour of the United Kingdom and was hospitalized where doctors removed a mass near his spinal cord which contained an enlarged lymph node. The mass was completely removed, but the lymph node tested positive for Hodgkin's lymphoma.

If there's one thing Piper has shown throughout his life it's that you can't keep a good man down. I have no doubt that he'll dropkick lymphoma and show the world that heaven is going to have to find another angel for the time being.

Stealing Cable T-shirt Store: OPEN FOR BUSINESS

Well, there is only one t-shirt in the inventory right now. It won't win any design awards, but heck I put it together because I wanted to show my support for "Passenger 57" himself. Anyway, you can go here to reach Stealing Cable's Cafe Press store. I don't plan on making any money off this, so its going to cost you the same amount it would to make your own t-shirt on Cafe Press.

So, visit the store. Buy some shirts. Support Wesley.

CafePress Stealing Cable store link

I Can't Believe it. A Remake of a Horror Film!

I'm not sure when it became law to remake every single horror film made before 1995 but we need to put a stop to it before Vern Troyer is cast in an updated version of LEPRECHAUN. Until then we'll just have to continue eating up this slop.

Due in theaters this January is a remake of THE HITCHER, the 1986 film in which Rutger Hauer hitches a ride from C. Thomas Howell and then spends the rest of the movie trying to kill him and anybody around with a pulse. Hauer was the villain in the film but I ask you this, wouldn't we all kill C. Thomas Howell if we had the chance? I'm just kidding, I love C. Thomas. With the exception of former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop he's my favorite person in the world who begins his name with the initial C. If Howell grows a funny beard maybe I'll reconsider and put him in the top spot.

The new HITCHER stars Sean Bean as the maniac passenger known as John Ryder. I'd look to see the names of the youngsters he'll be terrorizing but it doesn't matter. They're interchangable with the young actors who will star in whatever horror movie opens the week after THE HITCHER. Here's the trailer which looks to keep things pretty close to the original, so close that you may as well do yourself a favor and just watch the original.

Hey New Orleans you're gonna be ok: COMIC RELIEF 2006

You know, I dont think I have ever seen a full Comic Relief special. I have probably seen bits and pieces of many of them, but I just remember damning my parents for not having HBO because on that channel you could curse, Robin Williams would be coked out of his mind but still funnier than anyone in the room, Billy Crystal could make hilarious observations about old Jewish people, Andrew "Dice" Clay (I think he was on a couple of these specials) could make jokes full of sexual innuendo that would go right over my 10 year old head, and you could watch Whoopi Goldberg...um...stand there?

Well, after a long hiatus the trio is back (sadly sans the "Dice" man)! They are putting on another Comic Relief to benefit the Hurricane ravaged south. There are going to be a ton of comedians on it. Also in attendance will be the obligatory Dane Cook appearance (I still think he is funny, but I think his agent needs to be more choosy from now on). The always hilarious Rebecca Romjin (wtf?) and New Orleans Brass/Funk/Rock fusion band "Bonerama" (they aren't comedians. there is no relationship to "Growing Pains". I checked. just poor choice of name.) But more importantly, its also going to be broadcast on TBS, this Saturday night. I am not sure if the TBS broadcast will differ from the HBO one outside of bleeping, but either way it should be cool.

Comic Relief Homepage for more info

I Diggs This New Show

With "Lost" on hiatus for the next few months it's going to take quite a show to hold down the fort for ABC on Wednesdays. Judging by last night's premiere of "Daybreak" I do believe they have done just that.

"Daybreak" stars Taye Diggs, perhaps you remember him from that time he gave groove back to Stella, as a cop who wakes one day to find himself framed for murder and on the run from his fellow officers, not to mention a mystery group of men dressed in black who are quite eager to see him confess to the murder. The kicker is that Diggs' character is forced to relive this day over and over again until he gets it right. Yes, this is the same premise as GROUNDHOG DAY. But if network television can air 3 versions of "CSI" I'm fairly certain it can survive a show that swipes heavily from a 13 year-old movie.

So far I like what I'm seeing. Diggs is backed up with a good supporting cast that includes Adam Baldwin, Jonathan Banks, and a smoking gal named Moon Bloodgood who plays Diggs' girlfriend. It should also be noted that Moon Bloodgood is the coolest name ever.

I'm interested in seeing if the show can keep each new version of the same day fresh. If it can accomplish that then we're gonna be in for a fun couple of months following this story play out. If you missed the 2-hour premiere you can head over here and check it out on ABC's website.

Look what's coming out on DVD, you little jerks!

It's no big revelation to say the holiday season has inspired a glut of terrible family films that nevertheless still turn a profit--even Tim Allen has successfully managed to fight off oblivion, after all. The bright side of such dire industry-enforced lowered expecations is that when a truly great holiday-themed film is made, it sticks out like Rudolph's big red glowing phallus, and inspires the same kind of unadulterated joy for generations to come. Chief among them, at least for my money, is 1990's life-altering Christmas megahit Home Alone, which is getting an extreme DVD makeover just in time for, uh, next Tuesday.

I don't think there's a person in America who needs a plot synopsis, so I'll move directly to the extras. There are several behind-the-scenes featurettes, one of them guided by the "Mac" himself, and of course a blooper reel and a set of deleted scenes. The features that make this release worth more than a rental however include: "Where's Buzz Now?," which offers a variety of hypotheses on where Kevin's big ugly brother might be today. I'd like to think he's off somewhere punching nerds with Chet from Weird Science and Wayne Arnold from The Wonder Years. Also included--uncut--is the infamous clip from "Angels With Filthy Souls" that Kevin uses to such great effect. And the icing on this booby-trapped gingerbread house is a newly-recorded feature-length commentary from Chris Columbus and Macaulay Culkin. I don't think there's a better way to spend Christmas Day than watching the Wet Bandits get torn to shreds by a precocious twirp. So this Tuesday I suggest you--as I will--go to your favorite video store, fork over a $20, and tell whoever's at the register to "Keep the change, ya filthy animal!" And then--as I will--take the change anyway.

DVD Goodness: The Roddy Piper Story

The past few years the WWE has been honoring their legends with in-depth DVDs chronicling their greatest moments. Finally there's one of these suckers that I have to get my mitts on. It's titled "Born to Controversy: The Roddy Piper Story" and it hits stores Tuesday.

Roddy Piper is simply put the greatest wrestler since the dawn of man. He may not be some steroid chugging behemoth. But those guys are a dime a dozen. Piper was all about using his big mouth to get the job done. Nobody talked trash better than Piper. He eventually took his charm and wit and applied it to motion pictures. As much as I enjoyed The Rock in THE RUNDOWN, Piper's role in THEY LIVE remains the greatest performance by a wrestler in film.

Included in the 3-disc set are several of Piper's signature matches. What I'm really looking forward to is Piper's legendary "Wrestlemania 2" boxing match against Mr. T. I'm sure the set will also offer up plenty of segments from "Piper's Pit," where Roddy would interview his fellow wrestlers and commonly end these chats by beating the snot out of his guests. I'd like to see Charlie Rose try that!