Justin Fixes the TV Shows: Masters of Horror 1-6


The horror anthology is a lost art. In the late 80s and early 90s these were a dime a dozen; Alfred Hitchcock presents, Tales from the Darkside, Monsters, Are you Afraid of the Dark, and of course Tales from the Crypt plus many more. Since then, it has dropped off significantly. Showtime, last year, looked to revive the genre in a big way by giving the best horror directors of our time free reign, and do a one hour story every week. Carpenter, Dante, Landis and many more. What could possibly go wrong?

Week 1: Don Coscarelli's Incident on and off a Highway Road
Coscarelli, known primarily for Phantasm, but closer to my heart via Bubba Ho-Tep, directs the one true slasher pic of the first 6 episodes, and one of my favorites. We're given two interweaving stories, or rather one main character involved in two interweaving time periods, as a lady, fresh off a car accident, seeks to survive a huge and silent killer. This is the only episode that I can say was truly enhanced by the direction, as Coscarelli chooses to focus on some of the things that in lesser hands could become run of the mill. A great start to the series, even if not the biggest name director by a long shot. 8/10

Week 2: Stuart Gordon's Dreams in the Witch House
This one is mediocre at best, as we are dealing with more of the supernatural side of horror over the exploitation side that I prefer. I'm no fan of Lovecraft, but Gordon's rendition of the classic Re-Animator had me expecting more here. Let me be clear, in the hands of say Romero, this could have been great. A great amount of stuff here, especially the goddamn rat comes off as juvenile and over the top. Dialogue isn't great, and the story is quite run of the mill. There are some great gore effects, but that's about all I have for the positive here. 3/10

Week 3: Tobe Hooper's Dance of the Dead
I'm still not sure what went wrong here. Hooper, known mainly for his overrated Texas Chainsaw Massacre goes a totally different direction here, in a post apocalyptic future where people get their entertainment by artificially reanimated corpses. The problem here is that instead of focusing on that, they focus on a family in this world. Robert Englund is great here, but that is truly the only thing this episode has going for it. Slow paced and not horror by a long shot, this is the low point of the first six eps. 1/10

Week 4: Dario Argento's Jenifer
The director of Suspira is nowhere to be found here, it appears he phoned this one in. None of the touches he is famous for are to be found here. Great gore effects and what could have been a mildly interesting half hour are stretched to a boring and bland hour. Great gore effects and decent acting bring this above Hooper's entry, but not by much, especially considering Argento is probably the director I looked forward to the most (since no one contacted Peter Jackson.) 4/10

Week 5: Joe Dante's Homecoming
Here we are given the most interesting story of all the episodes, but again, I question how this is called horror. A group of dead soldiers from the Iraq war come back to life to cast their vote against the incumbent in a protest to end the war. The episode focuses on a group of advisers to the President, and presents a fascinating view of the world of punditry and smoky room moves. The only thing horrorfying about this though is that there are people like this in politics. Dante's direction doesn't really make a difference, but the story is interesting enough to make this the best so far. 8.5/10

Week 6: Mick Garris' Chocolate
There is no excuse for this one both written and directed by Mick Garris of horror anthology and the Shining fame. The story here, in which a guy has psychic visions of another persons life, and then the other person commits a murder, is nothing more than lifetime movie of the week material. Worse is that the way in which the story is told is setting up for a big twist that never comes. Just awful. 3/10

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