Youtube Special!!!

Without turning this into a politically charged post, let me just say I love Stephen Colbert. I have loved his work for years on the Daily Show and the Colbert Report has really found its groove in the past few months.

Anyway, he was invited to the White House Correspondent's Association Dinner and did not pull any punches. Its kinda weird watching him make very funny jokes, which get absolutley 0 response from the audience. This man definitely has balls.

Part 1

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Part 3

Youtube Pick of the day/week/hour

Super Mario Brothers. I think that is enough to conjure fond memories of yesteryear when gaming was at its purest. Some group out of Gordon College (one of the best christian colleges in the world according to their website...Go fighting Apostles!), put together a near genius take on Mario. I won't bother explaining it. Just watch

ECW! ECW! ECW!

For those wrestling marks out there, I am sure you are already well aware of the news that Mr. McMahon has decided to resurrect the ECW name brand and allow Paul Heyman to run it as a sort of parallel organization. All this seems to be a reaction to TNA building up steam on Spike TV, and the fact that ECW's second PPV sold out faster than anyone expected.

I for one feel like this has been a long time coming. I simply can't stand the WWE product that has been on the air for the past 3-4 years. It's tired, hackneyed, and just plain despicable. Bringing back ECW and all its stars is the exact move that professional wrestling needs. Save for the X-division in TNA (which is doing some world class work). everything else is almost unwatchable.

If you aren't familiar with ECW, I suggest you hit up you know where...YouTube and just search for some matches involving Rob Van Dam, Jerry Lynn, Chris Jericho, Lance Storm, Tazz, Mike Awesome, Super Crazy, just to name a few or if you got a few bucks to spend pick up/rent the excellent DVD "The Rise and Fall of ECW".

Today in Stealing Cable..

For our 200th post, I am going to start what I hope becomes a running column, something of a quicker rundown of some news for items not important enough to any of us to run an entire post, but still of some interest. Regular readers probably notice that regular columns are rarely regular and more often than not continue morphing until we get comfortable..so we will see. Here goes:

-Nintendo has officially given a name to their next generation console project. Known formerly as the Revolution, Nintendo's "Wii" is at first jarring, but realizing the big N's long streak of unnecessarily handicapping themselves, this retarded name (pronounced wee, or British for piss) should come as no surprise. I apologize if the preceding sentence was degrading to retarded people.

-Sci Fi has announced an interesting fall TV slate, including Stan Lee for some of their Saturday Night movies, and of most interest to Stealing Cablites, a prequel spinoff of "Battlestar Galactica" entitled "Caprica" is going to production this summer. Galactica is a strange beast for me, I have owned the first DVD set, thoroughly enjoy the show, but for some reason can't get past the first disc.

-Sweeps begin next week, don't forget about the last few episodes of our seasonal favorites. I don't understand the concept of sweeps really, it seems to me that people could benefit more from putting sweeps caliber programming on all the time..but apparently only Rob Thomas and David Chase subscribe to that theory.

-Next month is huge for music, for me and those who share my tastes. The already reviewed Tool - 10,000 days accompany Pearl Jam's self-titled effort on May 2, and one week later we get the worst album name and art ever, the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Stadium Arcadium." With those three bands doing shows in Pittsburgh plus Radiohead, Crosby Stills Nash + YOUNG!!!, and Roger Waters of Pink Floyd likely down the pike, I was wondering if anyone was interested in purchasing my soul to pay for these shows.

-I suppose the summer movie blockbuster season kicks into high gear next month as well.

Are You Afraid of the Dark on DVD NOW!!

I submit this post for approval of the midnight society. Somehow this went over the entire internet's head, but Nickelodeon horror anthology "Are You Afraid of the Dark" is now available on DVD. The catch? Only in Canada. The good news? Those limey DVD's will work on our world dominating DVD players. Manifest destiny people!

It turns out that in a somewhat unusual move for a TV show, rights to put the show on DVD were split, with this company only getting rights for the Canadian release of the first five seasons. Where the US rights lie are beyond me. Purchasing this set could be a risky move with the possibility of a feature filled US release coming down the pike, but this could be the only legitimate release of the show for a while to come. For about 24 dollars, it is worth the price alone to ditch those homemade DVD's from videotaped transfers. Purchase the set HERE. Hat tip to TVshowsonDVD for the headline. The tale of "Laughing in the Dark" still scares the shit out of me. Zeebo the clown!!

Tool: 10,000 Days - REVIEWED

It was a cold and rainy Saturday about 5 years ago. My friends and I had some connections at a local record store, so we were able to get the next week's releases a few days early. This particular Saturday we were out to get an album that we were anticipating for years: Weezer's Green Album. Also coming out that day was something that none of us were interested in..some album with some weird name by that band that had the video with the crazy shit..or Lateralus by Tool. Even after one of my friends broke down and bought Lateralus a few months later, I had no idea what the draw was. Flash forward five years: The Green Album isn't even on my computer. Tool, however, is the third most played band in my entire library, and we are faced with a similar situation next week: Tool's CD is being released on the same day as another band that I love--Pearl Jam (the number 2 most played band, for those keeping track) drops their latest. Which will stand the test of time? Who knows, but I'm here to tell you what I think now. (PJ review guaranteed later this week)

Following a chaotic month of fake leaks, a new single release, a real leak, and tons of theories questioning the validity of said leak, the new Tool album is in my hands. Is it everything that I expected it to be? Short answer, yes. I absolutely love this album. Long answer? Well since you asked:

Tool has never been easily able to be digested. Songs upwards of 7 minutes, instrumental segue tracks, and even stranger innovations placed throughout their releases are the norm. 10,000 days is no exception. Clocking in at near the maximum time that would fit on a disc, we have 11 tracks. 2 instrumentals, 1 chanting track, and 9 "regular" tracks ranging from 6 to 12 minutes a pop. If just looking at those statistics makes your head hurt, move on to the next band.

Without going into a track by track analysis, let me give you some highlights:
-The Tool-Standard, 7 minute epic "Vicarious" is the first single and a great track
-"Jambi" has some heavy Pink Floyd influence, especially in the bassline
-"The Pot" is the most accessible track, extremely catchy

Undoubtedly the centerpiece of this album is both parts of Maynard James Keenan's tribute to his dead mother, "Wings pt. 1 and 2." Counting both parts, this song comes in at nearly 18 minutes, and every second is an experience. This is the best work this band has ever put together. Beautifully moving lyrics and intense music blend to create aural heights not accomplished since Radiohead's OK Computer (in my humble opinion of course). Especially touching is the climax of the song, where Maynard demands his fallen mother gets her wings.

The album is not without it's negatives. The back 5 tracks are not nearly as great (upon early impression) as those that come first, but with "Wings" in that group of songs, it is hard to imagine anything that could keep up. Virtuoso drummer Danny Carey is more subdued in this album than usual..his crazy fills that had become commonplace are much fewer and far between. I am also still deciding whether Maynard's voice being lower in the mix is either A. Intentionally meant to make his voice more of an instrument, ala "My Bloody Valentine", B. All in my head because I am used to "A Perfect Circle" where Mr. Keenan is way in front of the mix, or C. Poor production.

Usually the packaging of a disc has no place in a review, but in the case of Tool, an exception has to be made. The digipack disc folds out to reveal a set of stereoscope viewers, and a booklet of stereoscoped pictures on the other side. The solution to our nation's piracy problem has just been handed to the industry on a silver platter. This case needs to be seen to be believed.
Word from the Tool fan community has been extremely mixed. Some folks still refuse to believe that this is what they waited 5 years for and that it is all an extended April fools joke, a B-Sides collection, or part 1 of a 2 disc set. Those people are dellusional. Buy this disc immediately.

In Tune: Music Video Channels

Don't worry, I'm not planning to add another anti-MTV diatribe to the heap, nor will I comment on VH1's transformation into People Magazine for people who can't read. There are a number of other channels out there geared primarily towards airing music videos, and I want to talk about two in particular. The first is VH1 Classic, dedicated to showing "classic" videos from basically the period when live performance on television began up through the early 1990s, with few exceptions. Basically, it's a channel dedicated to music, and the diversity thereof. And I love it. The VJs are universally excellent. They're knowledgeable, they're mature, they're respectful--and in an interesting move by the network--they're not annoying as hell. They conduct plenty of in-house interviews with musicians of all stripes, with equal emphasis on their classic status as well as the fact that many of these artists are still alive and kicking. The show selection is also interesting and diverse. Among the many there's several All Request Hours per week, there's the self-explanatory Two-Play Tuesday, and Class Of... which features videos from any given year. A couple of my favorites are Current/Classic, which pairs videos from the same artist spanning any number of years; and The Alternative, on several times a week at various lengths, dedicated to so-called "alternative" music from throughout the ages. And I'll be the first to admit that a lot of the videos on VH1 Classic are not my cup of tea. But that's perfect, a small price to pay for the obviously love of music. And at least the videos I hate aren't the same videos the other networks are driving into the ground. I'd rather watch the Michael McDonald video I hate but haven't seen in years, than the same couple Chris Brown videos I hate played over and over. The one fear I have is that it will fall the same way MTV2 fell, and if you witnessed its heyday you know what I mean. But as it stands, VH1 Classic stands as the best music video station on TV.

The other notable channel is Fuse, which sucks generally, and with which I have a particular bone to pick. Okay, generally speaking: in contrast to VH1 Classic, the VJs here are either deathly bland or pathologically obnoxious. The music, regardless of quality which is besides the point, is basically the same stuff played on MTV2, and with the same relentless repetition. However, what specifically raises my hackles about the channel is how it represents itself--quite explicitly as the alternative to MTV--and how it fails in almost every regard. It wasn't so long ago that a (fairly entertaining) Fuse commercial lampooned MTV with a faux-Nick & Jessica commercial, rightfully calling out MTV for its near-total lack of music videos. Well, if you've been watching Fuse at all in the last year, you'll notice that it has been adopting that very same programming style. There was a terrible fake newscast show whose name I thankfully forgot. There was a choose-the-new-VJ competition (sound familiar?). There's even a video countdown show called the F-List where only portions of the videos are aired, minus the screams of hormone-gushing teenagers. And now there's an entire block of non-music video programming, and it's all terrible. There's Empire Square, apparently a British import featuring video game sprites somewhat arbitrarily spouting offensive lines that are supposed to be funny but aren't. A show called Munchies, wherein dim-witted animated characters watch TV (uhhh), but rather than music videos it's terrible sketches performed by (presumably) real people. It's quite evident that the very worst in Internet humor is infiltrating TV, especially music video channels, and I have no explanation for the trend. Anyway, the latest addition to the cavalcade of crap is (and even as I write this I almost hope for your sake that you don't keep reading, so that at least someone is spared) a show called Pants-Off Dance-Off. It's random people stripping in front of a blue screen on which we see a music video. That's not a joke I am telling; Pants-Off Dance-Off is an actual show that exists on the planet upon which you reside, created by and featuring the species to which you belong. I'll assume your eyes are now blurry with tears for humankind, and so will finish this up. Fuse is a disgrace. Not because I expected anything other than a couple dozen teen-aimed music videos of varied quality being replayed ad nauseum, but because that's all I expected, because that was what Fuse itself claimed. Basically, Fuse, you are a liar. A damned liar.

Gilmore

For you Gilmore lovers and for those that want to do them (justin)...here is the tvguide interview by Ausiello. It's too long to summarize but it explains why the Palladinos are leaving. Basically contract issues and what not.

While you sleep the Karate Kommandos save the world!

I'm not a big fan of Cartoon Network. A lot of what they show frightens me. I tried watching "The Boondocks" and frankly I laughed harder during SOPHIE'S CHOICE (Of course you choose the son, what a no-brainer). But the channel did earn my respect by helping to get "Family Guy" back on the air. Now I have another reason to like Cartoon Network. They are the exclusive home to "Karate Kommandos," the 1980's animated series starring bearded wonder Chuck Norris.

Even though "Karate Kommandos" only consisted of 5 episodes, "Karate Kommandos" fever swept the nation back in 1986. In addition to the series a line of toys and a comic book featuring the beloved characters also made their way into the hearts of children everywhere. "Karate Kommandos" fever reached its zenith when during his State of the Union address, Ronald Reagan joked, "I sure wish the Karate Kommandos would show the Ayatollah a thing or two." Okay, that wasn't during the State of the Union address. It was actually towards the end of Reagan's years. Still though a pretty good indicator of the impact the show had.

Now we can all relive the animated adventures that found Norris and crew battling the evil forces of The Claw and Super Ninja. Best as I can tell Cartoon Network is running the show Tuesdays-Fridays at 5:30 in the morning. But if you'd like to sample a bit of this epic simply head on over to youtube and I bet you can figure it out from there.

The Rapaport Report

Well after last week's hilarious miracle (or "hilaricle" if you will)--a double dose of new episodes of The War At Home--you would think that the cowards at FOX would make the move permanent. However, as last night only brought us one episode, it is clear that FOX execs are determined yet again to ignore America's mandate for more Rapaport. But perhaps this is wise? As you should already know, this past weekend brought us Earth Day. "What does that have to do with Rapaport?" you wonder aloud. Well it's a simple matter of advanced physics. You see, one episode of The War At Home is infinitely hilarious. That's manageable. But airing two episodes that are both infinitely hilarious on the same night, with only half an hour respite between? Well, you get the picture. The laughter that ensues disrupts not merely the ozone and the icecaps, but the very fabric of matter. It's akin to one black hole sucking another black hole into it, and vice versa, simultaneously. Luckily it was Easter, or otherwise the results would have been devastating. Suffice it to say, airing one episode a week just might be a matter of safety. That being said, I reiterate that FOX execs are cowards. If we're still driving Hummers, pouring mercury into all our fresh water, and basically ignoring all the warning signs nature gives us with a big silly grin, then why should a little thing like the destabilization of the universe stop us? But hey, that's just one man's opinion, which happens to faithfully represent the opinions of every single American with a television. So go ahead and ignore me, FOX, and reap the whirlwind.

All that said, I must applaud Rapaport for another job well done. If you missed last night's poignant episode, the eldest son Larry ran away from home, the youngest son Mike got a girlfriend, and daughter Hillary had her entire life ruined not once but twice in the same half hour. While the show started on a hilarious note, with a mighty fine teenage anorexia joke, it soon delved deep into issues that all modern American families face, such as "what if my teenage son wants to watch Lord of the Rings on ice?" and "what if my slutty daughter gets called a slut by some anorexic bimbo slut at her school?" and "why won't my wife quit busting my balls?" If you missed the episode, then I guess you don't know the answers to these questions, and the rest of us can (and should) look down on you for it. Also sassy wife Vicky dropped an F-bomb during the episode, censored of course by those sons-of-bleeps that kowtow to the FCC. I don't understand it, this whitewashing of a realistic depiction of family life. If you want to turn Rapaport into Ozzie Nelson then you got another thing coming. All together, it was another fine episode of The War At Home, and another notch in Rapaport's belt of successes. By the way, if you can't wait for the rerun season, video clips from the show and from behind the scenes moments can be viewed at http://www.fox.com/warathome/. Finally, the Internet is meeting its potential!

Trivia: That is not a metaphor; Rapaport actually wears a "belt of success" that he adds notches to with each new project. He may have to retire it soon, however, as his triumphs eclipse his waist size. Nobody can say our hero is anything but fabulously fit.

You Tube Pick of the Week/Day/Hour

I came across this indirectly through Chris' (one of our newer contributors) online profile at another site.

I love Die Hard. I love Reginald VelJohnson. And yes, there was a time when I loved Family Matters.

The cut up movie trailer craze has produced a lot of gems and a lot of crap, this my friends is a first rate gem. Enjoy

Silent Hill: There's something strange about this place..

Silent Hill is a movie based on the likes of a long time videogame franchise by the same name, differentiating itself from other action games with a heaping dose of creepy atmosphere and disturbing images. Unfortunately the movie tries to emulate that while forgetting that without the interactivity of the game, you lose quite a bit in translation.

The movie starts off in typical horror fashion with our scantily clad leading lady, one Rhada Mitchell, chasing after her stereotypically fucked up adopted daughter. Mommy saves the demon spawn just in time, saving her from a leap off a cliff. The daughter's screams of "SILENT HILL" cue me into a couple of things early on, mostly that I should probably not expect this movie to be carried by dialogue or acting. Back to the movie, the daughter's increasing descent into insanity pushes the mother to take her to Silent Hill, where she thinks her problems will be solved. Sean Bean plays the father here, and I suppose we are to assume there are marital troubles since he isn't invited along on the trip, but no concrete evidence is given either way.

Without delving too much into what happens for the rest of the movie, you can safely assume that they make it to Silent Hill and horror ensues. In an incredibly useless and tacked on subplot, Sean Bean's character is trying to track down his missing daughter and wife. For some reason, the choice was made to let us in on the secret that the Silent Hill that the girls are in is an "alternate universe" of sorts, with Boromir still on earth 1. This is an extremely poor choice because it really takes the air out of the ending, and since the movie was so sloppily written, we are never given a set of rules for each. Plot Holes abound.

I would be lying if I said that this movie didn't get some things right. The very thing that I feared would be hardest to recreate from the game, atmosphere, is here and works in spades. Alternate universe Silent Hill is as foggy and foreboding as the game it was aped from, and the monsters in the movie look great. There is even a nice re-imagining of a famous scene from the Evil Dead. Gore, while mostly CGI, is abundant and pretty damn cool. They are not afraid to let a scene linger on the grusome action either. The climactic sequence rains blood down in a way that would almost make Peter Jackson proud.


There are several critical flaws in this movie. First and foremost, the aforementioned dialogue is amazingly bad. Acting is pretty awful, but given the material they had to work with, I'm willing to give a little. Anne, a Silent Hill citizen is especially horrible at reading her lines(I was happy when she met her rather grusome fate), and Jodelle Ferland as the little girl is extremely annoying. Everyone else gets a pass.

The problem with the monsters is that they do not have consistent appearances. Of all of the different breeds of monsters, the only one we get more than one appearance from is the much ballyhooed Pyramid Head, and his comeback is brief. Especially aggravating is that we are first lead to believe that these guys can only attack after the siren sounds and everything turns dark. That is thrown out the window though when we meet an acid spitting monster during the daylight. Even worse, throughout the rest of the movie, we never see another baddie in the daytime. Monsters aren't the only thing that come once and go away never to be seen again..the radio noise that alerts us of a monster's presence is used once, early on, and sort of forgotten as time goes on.

The biggest flaw of all is Roger Avery's script. The plot tries to mimic the experience of a videogame too much. Videogame staples such as puzzles, item hunts, and even an incredibly stupid, lazy, and overlong expositonal reveal near the end clues us in to what's going on, run rampant. There might as well have been a life bar over the head of the cop. Several shots are meant to mimic the game. An entire act of the movie goes by without any plot progression. This could be forgivable if there was characterization, but it was basically just asking how many ways you can psychologically torture someone. Speaking of characterization, no one ever grows here, it's as if none of our characters are affected by anything, at least until the very end. Any of this could be forgiven if it had any symbolic meaning, but most of it is just creepy and weird for the sake of being creepy and weird. This is an incredibly shallow movie that might fool the weak minded into thinking that there is something more here..but thinking about it at any length should give you the big secret: none of this shit makes any sense and is just an excuse to show what is essentially a 120 minute tool video. The best videogame movie of all time. 3/10

sad day.

Amy Sherman-Palladino (series creator) and her husband Dan have opted out of writing for the last year of Gilmore Girls. On a new network with new writers...things are looking mighty grim for GG.

Kids (1995)

Overview: I never even heard of this movie. I wouldn't be surprised if you guys haven't either. My roommate said I should watch but boy, this was an 1 1/2 hr of pure agonizing horror. It isn't supposed to be a scary movie mind you. "Kids" follows around a group of inner-city teenagers in the urban streets of New York City. So basically, it was a movie about kids having sex, doing drugs and wasting their lives away with absolutely no supervision, and if they did have it, their parents were just as effing useless. Some people shouldn't have kids. Ya, that was politically correct.

I felt like I was watching a nature special on how bunnies mate or some crap because these little babies!!! they were freaking 12-13 year olds!!! were having sex like it was as necessary as breathing. The main character is Telly, a HIV-positive corrupted boy who finds it his life mission to seduce as many virgins as possible. He was pretty nasty looking to say the least.

The Good: Well, it sure was eye-opening. Kids need parental supervision. That is a no brainer. But even if they had it, the gap between the rich and poor is widening, our middle class shrinking. Low income adults are taking on 2-3 jobs to make it...so who the hell is going to take care of their kids? Latch-key nation. It is harder today to work your way up the ladder than it was 50 years ago. And our educational system is atrocious, 25th in the world. It used to be at the top. So don't tell me that these inner-city kids should know any better. As long as we have leaders who give tax breaks to the 1% of this nation who hold 40% of the wealth and power and throw their weight around then hell yes, we have a huge societal problem. I totally just simplified a complex issue but you catch my drift. We are failing our children and this movie made the result of this failure very clear.

The Bad: I would have liked to get to know the characters better. Sorta unbelievable at times. And I think it would have been nice to have another 20 mins to tie up loose ends.

Recommendation: If you think you can handle it, watch it...I couldn't. I am guessing you will leave with a depressing feeling because there is no cute happy ending. These kids don't care about themselves or the people they infect. (figuratively/literally) And they don't have tangible role models who think otherwise.

Alias is Back...to its same ol' tricks.

Alias is finally back after a lengthy hiatus. Last time we left Sdy, she was kidnapped by Prophet 5, a secret operation, the details of which we never really found out. But her mom was behind it, yet again. Ok, I have been a loyal Alias viewer from the beginning. Some of my friends and I got together to make our own episode of Alias, the contents of which I am sure would make a hilarious youtube hit (if I only knew how to convert VHS-DVD or whatever) but thats how much I was enveloped in this series. But really, I'd be the first one to say that it is time for it to go. I remember a time when my heart use to race to ever heart palpitating corner Sdy would turn and how my eyes would widen with intrigue as she pulled out a new gadget to aid in her impossible missions. But now we are stuck with repetitive plots, leaps of faith I am not willing to take, (is she seriously apart of a 500 year conspiracy? come on!!!) the same effing villains and the flip-flopping of character loyalties. I get that it is a show about alliances and we are always supposed to be asking ourselves, who can we really trust? But come on, can we try to mix it up a little. I am sure Sloane and Irena are still evil somehow and are working together. And I also get that Abrams stopped caring about Alias once he got new projects that were bigger hits. (Lost) But anyway, there is no point in whining now, since this ship has sailed. Only 5 more episodes left. And I hope I feel satisfied at the end of this whole thing. I have been loyal. I deserve some excitement.

Btw...Wednesday's episode was good minus the regular crap. Vaughn is still alive after being dead for 3 months from a bombardment of at least 60 bullets. The mom is bad again. See what I mean.