When will March end? I've never had anything against this month, I like college basketball as much as the next guy but I really need April to get here quick. I've already talked about how April is going to kick much ass thanks to GRIND HOUSE and the premiere of a new season of "The Shield." Fitting right alonsgide those 2 is the premiere of the final 9 episodes of "The Sopranos."
HBO has unleashed a promo for these last episodes. It is done in the mold of those dead people tributes you see on the Oscars (Side note: Where was Paul Gleason in the Oscar tribute? You fucked up, Academy). It's a nice way to remind the fans of all the great characters that have found themselves clipped throughout the years.
The new season is scheduled to start Easter Sunday, April 8th. You can watch the new promo here.
A couple days ago Fazer used this forum to lash out against UNDER SIEGE. What brought on this unjust attack against this fine motion picture still baffles me. But I will accept as my duty the job of proving why UNDER SIEGE is a landmark action film of the 90’s.
As Fazer mentioned, and many others as well, Steven Seagal does not do a lot of bone-crunching martial arts in UNDER SIEGE. Compared to his pre-SIEGE films that is true. But you have to remember that Seagal’s early films were based around his martial arts abilities. UNDER SIEGE was more the case of a movie that stood on its own, with a little bit of Seagal’s style thrown in for seasoning. It should be noted that even with the overall lack of hand-to-hand combat, Seagal does demonstrate perhaps his highest kick in UNDER SIEGE. A kick so slow that we now know why he has never kicked anyone above the waist in a film since. Maybe he did in EXIT WOUNDS, but he was using wires in that one.
What truly marks UNDER SIEGE as the gold standard in DIE HARD rip-offs are the villains. Tommy Lee Jones is utterly brilliant as Strannix. One year after SIEGE Jones won an Oscar for his role in THE FUGITIVE. I defy anyone to watch those 2 films back-to-back and in their heart of hearts proclaim that he is more entertaining in THE FUGITIVE. Then after Jones you have Gary Busey. Not just run of the mill crazy Busey, but Busey in drag. If that isn’t enough you get Colm Meaney coming off the bench to lend his support in the evil department. The whole film is full of dudes who may not be household names but if you grew up watching as many action films as me then guys like Nick Mancuso, Raymond Cruz, Bernie Casey, and Dale Daye should ring a bell. Even Glenn Morshower, Aaron from “24,” is in this thing.
Is UNDER SIEGE my favorite Seagal film? No, that esteemed honor goes to MARKED FOR DEATH. But UNDER SIEGE will always mean a great deal to me. It reminds me of a simpler time when Seagal was an artist on the rise and not the bloated mess he is today. I’ll forever have an appetite for what Chef Ryback had cooking.
I know this movie is probably more of Chris' territory than mine, but I always remembered Steven Seagal's magnum opus "Under Siege" being his best movie. Unfortunately, I rewatched it recently and I think I might have to mentally file it in the "I remembered this being much better than it actually is" category.
But before we get into what is sure to spark some unpleasantness between Chris and myself, lets talk about something that "Under Siege" got oh so right...THE TRAILER. First, let's all take a look at it.
For my money, that trailer personifies the modern day action trailer. There have been countless jokes about "the movie guy", "Mr. Voice", etc and how ridiculous these things got as we progressed into the late 1990's. I think one legendary bit by comedian Pablo Francisco is probably the best parody of the entire genre of action film trailers. His "Little Tortilla Boy" piece wouldn't exist if the "Under Siege" trailer wasn't as awesome as it is. You can watch that right now...
So that's the trailer. What about the movie? I think the main problem lies in Andrew Davis' overly pedestrian directing of this film. Seagal, Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey, Erika Eleniak's tits, etc are all fantastic in the movie. The script puts an ample amount of one liners, 90% of which work off the "cook" concept, and action in our hero Casey Ryback's plate. Unfortunately, I think there are like only 2 good action scenes in the entire film. For whatever reason, Seagal's trademark aikido takedowns, joint locks, etc. are underutilized and Davis relies more on shooting gunplay. Frankly, Seagal with guns is boring. If there is anything that distinguishes him from the other action stars, it is his martial arts style. The only guy whose on screen martial arts rivaled Seagal's coolness factor was Jeff Speakman, and he made like 1.5 good movies.
Thankfully, the final fight scene between Tommy Lee Jones and Seagal involves knives and is still one of the best on screen knife fights in cinema history ("Beat it" was more of a mini-movie so I can't count that). After viewing the film again, it's clear that Casey Ryback is probably Seagal's best movie character, hence the underrated "Under Siege 2: Dark Territory". The idea of him being underestimated because of his prowess as a cook really doesn't get old, and definitely puts a unique stamp on the entire film. Unfortunately, the director just went ahead and made a by the numbers '90s era action film, which gets elevated purely based on Seagal's presence.
On a side note, "Under Siege 2: Dark Territory" isn't as strong of an idea, where the first was "die hard on a ship", "die hard on a train" just doesn't work as well. The film basically follows the same template as the first, but the action is noticeably better. Seagal's talents are much better utilized. Also, it has an early appearance by Katherine Heigl of "Grey's Anatomy" fame as Casey Ryback's estranged niece and a nice turn by Morris Chestnut as Ryback's reluctant black porter sidekick.
For those that haven't already begun watching "Daybreak" on ABC.com, I highly suggest you start now. The final hour of the series will be going up by the end of this week (hopefully! a person who worked on the show has been chronicling the difficulty ABC has given the show's producers in getting all the episodes online. if you are interested you can search for the forum thread at the televisionwithoutpity.com forums).
I just wanted to give you readers the heads up because you never know how long the episodes will stay on the website. Either way, this show warrants an immediate DVD purchase when it hits the stores (who knows when that will be). I have seen a lot of great TV in my day, but as this show comes to a close I am very tempted to say this is the best 13 episode arc I have ever seen. The only thing I can think that rivals it as far as ongoing storyline and pacing would probably be the last season of The Shield.
I will probably write more about it when the final episode gets put up, but I wanted to give some advance notice so people can try and catch up.
For the first few years it was on the air I was a big fan of "Reno 911!" the TV series. Yeah, it's mainly just a spoof of "Cops" but the cast is by in large terrific and the strange sense of humor is right up my alley. The 4th season which aired last summer seemed a bit off to me and now I think I know why. The cast and crew of the show were saving the good stuff for their movie, RENO 911!: MIAMI.
The plot of RENO 911!: MIAMI finds all 8 officers attending a police convention in Miami Beach (Shades of the 5th volume in the POLICE ACADEMY saga?). When the convention becomes victim to a terrorist plot it is up to Reno's finest to patrol the city and find out who is behind the attack.
Of course the plot is basically meaningless. The film's one true fault is actually trying to construct a plot. Where this film scores is with its gags. Many of the gags, particularly a great one involving a motel masturbate-athon, are too blue for basic cable. There are also a fair share of cameos in the film, some work and some don't, but overall the ones that do work are the ones you will remember after the movie ends.
As a fan of Deputy Jones or "Jonesy," who is always played nicely by Cedric Yarbrough, I was sad to see him not receive as much face-time as some of the other cast members. But when he gets the spotlight he comes through and he gets to recite the line "You've been making love with Richard Petty?" so he does have his moments.
I suppose the big question is will this film work if you have never seen the TV show. Honestly, I don't know. These aren't the deepest characters so it's not like you need to have a long backstory to figure out which officer is the slut, which is the dyke, and which is the redneck. So go see it. If you like it great, if you hate it I don't care. None of you know where I live anyway.
Ah 1996, the year when Mr. Charlie Sheen announced he was a born again Christian (yea I was surprised too, but it's on Wikipedia so it has to be true). Now of course, the years leading up to '96 were anything but Christian...unless cocaine and high priced hookers are allowed somewhere in the Bible, which would make it the best religion ever! 1996 would also mark the release of possibly the last good Charlie Sheen movie ever, "The Arrival".
How would I describe "The Arrival" in one sentence...Take one big slab of "They Live", a dose of "X-Files", and a small dash of "The Thing" and you get "The Arrival". Clearly, writer-director David Twohy (of "Critters 2: The Main Course" fame!!! Oh, and "Pitch Black") has a huge hard-on for John Carpenter. Well, he couldn't have picked a better director to emulate.
The movie itself is almost relevant again because it revolves around a secret alien conspiracy to increase greenhouse gases and warm the earth to make it habitable for alien invaders, who already live among us in disguise! The aliens run NASA, through Hollywood superstar Ron Silver, and a multi-national corporation that is putting up these ozone killing factories in third-world countries. Of course, Sheen's "Zane", a radio-astronomer, gets caught up in the conspiracy and races to find out the truth.
This is basically the Charlie Sheen show, and he does a good job of playing a paranoid geek. For some unexplained reason though, he is shown without his shirt on far too much. Sheen was clearly putting on weight after dropping the coke habit and it showed. The other real standout for me was Ron Silver. He showed some real range. Not only did he play the evil alien in disguise head of NASA (i think), but he also played an evil alien in disguise Mexican cop with a sweet 'stache (the makeup use was brilliant, I am talking "Soul Man" brilliant). Lindsay Crouse also plays an environmental scientist who gets caught up in the whole shebang in Mexico. I bring her up because she actually propositions Sheen's character, who thankfully turns her down. Nevermind the fact that Crouse looks like she is 20 years older than Sheen, but she kinda looks like a dude. Never have I been happier to see a movie character turn down sex.
Oh, Teri Polo and some black kid are also in the movie adding "The Thing" like tensions because Sheen doesn't know who is/isn't an alien as the movie progresses. Overall, this is a very solid movie that in my opinion got lost amongst all the "X-Files" hype of the mid-90s when everyone was trying to do something alien related. "The Arrival"'s actual extraterrestrials aren't visually spectacular, but the movie really isn't about what they look like and is more about Sheen's journey to figure everything out and keep his sanity at the same time. I would highly recommend giving it a rental.
First of all, yes I do watch sports and enjoy them very much.
Second of all, as if the snooze fest put on by the NBA last weekend wasn't bad enough, take a look at what Dwight Howard's full cadre of dunks looked like. Unfortunately, he got inexplicably eliminated thanks to low scores from dominique, jordan, and Dr. J, who obviously didn't have time to understand his instant classic "sticker dunk". The NBA already killed the dunk contest once. Looks like they are well on their way to doing it again. Seriously, it took Nate Robinson how long to complete his final dunk?
Even though THE MARINE didn't set the box office on fire, WWE Films is not quite ready to do the inevitable and release their movies straight to video. Their latest offering is THE CONDEMNED and it stars "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Vinnie Jones as a couple of dangerous convicts thrown on an island with 8 other dangerous convicts. No, they don't explore a hatch and have flashbacks to their lives before they got on the island. Instead, they participate in a to-the-death competition which will be broadcast live on the Internet.
THE CONDEMNED is pretty much this generation's THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME mixed with THE RUNNING MAN. I'm a sucker for a premise like this and I enjoy Vinnie Jones but Steve Austin always strikes me as a total void. Anytime I see him he's either drinking beer or flipping people off and I get enough of that when I walk into the local "ampm." I wish they could have dumped Austin and gotten some other wrestler, like that guy who pretends to be a tard. He has stage presence that can't be taught.
THE CONDEMNED will open to horrible reviews on April 27th. The film has an official site but at this point it's just a trailer and a clock counting down until the release date. You can visit that site here or by typing in the web address watchthemdielive.com.
As I have indicated before there is no other movie I'm looking forward to more than GRINDHOUSE. The "2 for the price of 1" project from Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez appears to be exactly how I'd like to spend over 3 hours in a movie theater. A new trailer premiered tonight on Yahoo (I'm not putting the exclamation point). Here's a link.
The more footage I see the more I wish tomorrow was April 6th. Perhaps some people are tired of Tarantino and Rodriguez's devotion to making films that reflect their childhood favorites but I welcome their enthusiasm. At times they have put their names on a product to make a quick buck (Example: FROM DUSK TILL DAWN sequels) but when they get behind the camera they tend to put 100% of their effort into getting their vision up on the screen.
All I know is that in an age where films seem more video game than movie (Example: GHOST RIDER) it's nice to have a flick come around like GRINDHOUSE that reminds us how fun a movie can be, or at least appear to be based on a trailer.
Let me be the first to proclaim the next generation dvd war over! Blu-ray vs. HD-DVD ends in a huge knockout.
Why you ask am I so confident and have not heard anything from other news sources? First, what are you doing reading other news sources! Second, HD-DVD can't recover from not having one of the finest films of all time in their library...Commando (A Mark Lester film) is a Blu-Ray exclusive. I suggest you all go to Amazon.com right now and purchase a Blu-ray player and pre-order the Commando disc being released March 13th.
You probably don't need me to tell you that THE DEPARTED is a film worth watching. You could look at the amazing cast, its Oscar nominations, and the fact that it's directed by possibly the greatest filmmaker ever and make that decision on your own. But if you're looking to purchase this film tomorrow you may need a primer on which version to grab. This is where I will try to be of service.
If you care nothing for extras then the film will be available in a no frills edition, either in widescreen or full frame formats. Even though I find myself less and less interested in DVD extras as the years go by I will say that THE DEPARTED is a movie for which I welcome a large array of bonus features. So with that in mind there is also a special edition packed with documentaries, a Scorsese commentary, and I imagine lots of other goodies.
But that's not all. Best Buy will be offering a limited edition (of the special edition) packaged in a steelbook case with postcards. Furthermore, Target will have an edition of the film that includes a copy of the script so that you can read along with the actors while watching the film. Pep Boys will make an edition available that includes a free lube and filter. Not true, but Pep Boys does good work so I thought I'd give them a shout out.
Then of course the movie will be available in both Blu-ray and HD DVD formats. Honestly, I don't know what will be on those discs. But if you have one of those players you can order your butler to research that, you rich son of a bitch.
First and foremost, thanks to a secret benefactor (old friend of the blog back in the podcast days, Chris jones) we now own the URL www.stealingcable.tv. Take that you internet squatters! What does this mean for the blog? Nothing really. Now we just have a much catchier website address to put in our message board signatures and our AIM profiles. The new website will just automatically redirect you to this same Blogspot site.
Secondly, a real favorite around the offices of Stealing Cable was ABC's now cancelled "Daybreak" starring Taye "You would be surprised at how short he is in real life" Diggs. Thankfully, the "Daybreak" production was able to film a full 13 episodes, which take the story of Detective Hopper through a clear beginning and end. ABC has been gracious enough to post the unaired episodes on ABC.com in their entirety. Let me just say, the show just continues to get better. The last on air episode had Det. Hopper catching up with the shadowy figure, who greets him at the quarry when he makes a wrong move in one of his repeating days.
The episodes that follow exponentially increase the size and scope of the conspiracy while actually answering a lot of questions about the many clues Hopper has been trying to put together. Assuming this show is able to maintain this breakneck pace all the way through 13 episodes, it might just go down as one of the true classics of the genre. As of now, it is easily blowing any season of 24 away.
14 years ago Eric Roberts, Phillip Rhee, and Chris Penn (we still miss you!) reteamed to make a sequel to their 1989 hit (by "hit" I mean a lot of people got hit) BEST OF THE BEST. The original is a decent enough flick, it's sort of like THE KARATE KID with grown men, but BEST OF THE BEST 2 is an entirely different beast. A magnificent beast at that.
Previously BEST OF THE BEST 2 was available on DVD but it was only distributed in Canada and the transfer has been described as "VHS-like." But that will change tomorrow. An honest to God Region 1 disc made for U.S. consumption will hit store shelves. In the sub-genre of films dealing in illegal martial arts tournaments BEST OF THE BEST 2 stands tall among such mighty entries as BLOODSPORT and LIONHEART.
If by chance you take my advice and pick up BEST OF THE BEST 2 I have no doubt that you will want to watch the rest of the saga's adventures play out in BEST OF THE BEST 3 and BEST OF THE BEST 4. The good news on that front is that they are already on DVD and sold as a double feature on one disc. The bad news is that part 4 is shit.
Now, this blog usually doesn't cover much music news, but this huge story just popped up that I couldn't wait to comment on.
DAVID LEE ROTH HAS REJOINED VAN HALEN Ok...settled? Good. Who knows how long this will last? Who knows if they will even make it through the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction on March 12th where not only Eddie, Alex, Michael Anthony (who has now been replaced with Wolfgang Van Halen), and Diamond Dave will be in attendance, but so will Sammy Hagar. That just has doesn't sound like it will end well.
I hope for America's sake the one, true Van Halen can make it through this upcoming 40 city tour. Wow. This is pretty big.
About 2 years ago, a couple guys who wasted their nights playing countless hours of Halo 2 got together and decided to start a podcast (also called Stealing Cable) chronicling the ins and outs of their favorite tv programs. It became plainly obvious after several podcasts that we would much rather play Halo during the night than try to record a decent podcast...that was the day Stealing Cable (the blog) was born. A couple of staff changes later, and we still talk about our fave tv junk but we have also expanded into niche Film and DVD commentary as well. Hope you like it.
When will March end? I've never had anything against this month, I like college basketball as much as the next guy but I really need April to get here quick. I've already talked about how April is going to kick much ass thanks to GRIND HOUSE and the premiere of a new season of "The Shield." Fitting right alonsgide those 2 is the premiere of the final 9 episodes of "The Sopranos."
