Barely a Review: WAR

One of the problems with being a fan of action films is that you really can't listen to critics. If you see an action flick get some bad early buzz it can always be chalked up to the fact that most licensed film critics are blowhards who don't know bunk about the genre. So when the bad word started to spread about the new Jet Li/Jason Statham pairing WAR I didn't bat an eye. Turns out this time the bad buzz was deserved.

On the surface WAR is right up my alley. It's about a hard boiled cop squaring off against a ruthless assassin while various Yakuza and Triad gangsters get caught in their crossfire. What could go wrong? Pretty much everything. Jet Li looks bored out of his mind through the whole film. It's hard to believe this is the same guy who delivered genuinely good performances quite recently in both UNLEASHED and FEARLESS. Statham fares a tad better. He gets the best sequence in the movie as he goes buckwild on a bunch of foes in a teahouse. But that was just a slight reprieve before it was time for the movie to continue sucking.

I probably could have forgiven a lot of what this film had to offer if it could have at least delivered a slam-bang final fight between Li and Statham. I don't think that's too much to ask from a movie titled WAR that features a poster in which the stars look as though they're going to do battle in UFC 786. But nope, when it's time for them to throw down it feels as if the fight ends before it even started. I haven't felt this gyped since Tyson/Spinks back in '88.

This movie gives WAR a bad name.

American Gladiators is BACK

Around the time ESPN Classic started showing reruns of American Gladiators, I started to wonder why tv has waited so long to resurrect the show. Well, NBC has answered all our prayers. They are bringing the show back likely as a mid season replacement. Interestingly, they are going to follow the contestants more closely leading up to the actual bouts against the Gladiators and delve into interpersonal drama. I am not too excited about that part, but the fact the show is back makes me real happy.

Three things need to be maintained though.

1. The Theme music



2. The Gladiators with personality



3. And of course...NITRO

From his Wikipedia page, "Clark [Danny "Nitro" Clark] is also a mailman and often performs magic tricks." He truly is a jack of all trades!


Here's a link to the original Variety story.

Masters of Manualism

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Who Enjoys Killing Time?

Just when you thought the Internet had run out of ways to distract you from accomplishing anything important in life, it gives us this. It's a new feature on the "Ebert and Roeper" website that allows you to watch all the reviews done on the program (including, of course, it's previous incarnation as "Siskel and Ebert") over the last 20 years. I've found it to be a seemingly endless treasure of joy.

For all the channels that now exist I've always loved this program because it's essentially bullshit-free movie talk. It doesn't delve into the stars' personal lives, it doesn't focus on the box office totals, it's just a couple of guys weighing in on the week's releases. I've had a real blast watching a lot of the "vintage" reviews. When I see Gene Siskel praise HARLEY DAVIDSON AND THE MARLBORO MAN I'm reminded of just why I miss him so. It's also quite a hoot to watch Ebert give thumbs down to the original DIE HARD and then watch as he not only gives thumbs up to DIE HARD 2 and WITH A VENGEANCE, but also ups his digit for both UNDER SIEGE films and SUDDEN DEATH.

Hopefully Ebert will make a miracle recovery from his current health problems and rejoin the program. I'm not a Roeper-hater as much as most movie geeks (So he didn't like FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, get over it dorks) but it's just not the same without Ebert around. The fill-in hosts have ranged from decent to stunningly awful. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the appearance of John "Cougar" Mellencamp as a guest host. I doubt he's ever seen a film he disliked.

Oh, and before you try searching the website for the show's review of PHAT BEACH I'll save you some time and advise you not to bother. I guess it was never screened for critics.

Madden...Good?

So, I have spent the last 3-4 days delving into Madden '08 for the Xbox 360. Now, I know I said some scathing things about Tiburon and the Madden series a while ago and I still stand by those words. I do have to say though, they may be starting to right the ship finally.

Most reviews you read nowadays of sports games laud all the extraneous features in a game that really have little impact on the actual on field gameplay. Since we are in the "next-gen", people have faulted madden for not having all the extra shit that no one played with anyway, like Superstar mode, a deeper franchise mode, more useless knick knacks to collect, etc. Well, all that is back in the game now. But what is most notable to any actual football fan is the gameplay.

Madden feels like real football again. Offensive lineman pull out for counters and screens (i know! I didn't believe it either!). Running backs have to plant their feet to change directions and can't just repeatedly ram into the back of their o-line till they get through. The defense gang tackles. Hits are harder and more brutal. Corners make plays on balls. Long bombs are no longer guaranteed when the receiver is either owens/moss/johnson. 3rd/4th and 1 is no longer an automatic conversion by calling a hb/fb dive.

But what I think I enjoy the most is that teams/players play like their counterparts in real life. Playing with LT you feel like you can outrun, outquick, and outjuke anyone on the field...but more importantly you have faith that the left side of your o-line is going to be making massive holes for you. With the steelers, hines ward plays and feels like a possession receiver and not someone you throw bombs to. The inclusion of weapon designation for offensive and defensive players has really gone a long way in making the game a better representation of the NFL.

Of course, this is Madden so there are a lot of issues. Right now, most of what I have seen should be easily patchable. Fumbles and Interceptions happen WAY too easily. Granted, defense AI is just plain better so I need to make better decisions, but the fumbles happen for no reason and really screw up the flow of the game. Also, the online system is really buggy still, and EA once again did not give options for online leagues.

All things considered, this is probably the best madden I have played since the year before the passing cone was introduced. I think with some aftermarket tweaking it can be better. Compared to All-Pro Football 2k8 (which I have also played extensively), I still think Madden comes out on top gameplay wise. Granted, Tiburon has basically stolen everything that was great about the 2k engine and incorporated it. APF2k8's passing game is still beautiful to watch, though. Seeing the recievers go in and out of their cuts and the physics of the ball in the air just feel far better in APF right now (leading your recievers without completely changing their route in madden is still difficult), but otherwise it feels like a very rushed title. But HUGE kudos still in order for the online league support. 2k Sports has instituted a very deep online football experience for those who are interested.

This is the first year in a long time that I would recommend buying Madden and renting the 2k football title. Although it's not completely a level playing field, the video game football wars seems to be picking up again.

Superbad

I'll cut to the chase right now. SUPERBAD is better than KNOCKED UP. The thing that bothered me about KU, yet seemed to be one of the positives for everyone else was that it got "too real" and "too preachy" by the end. All this growing up and maturing bullshit felt too chick flick for me. Apatow films (40 year old virgin and KU) seem to hit this wall about 3/4ths in where they stop being funny and start to get real.

Thankfully, SUPERBAD doesn't fall into the same trap. It is the great return of the American sex comedy. Now, I know American Pie used to be that, but that franchise is so run into the ground now that it has lost any luster it may have had when it initially came out. A ton of pretenders later and the teen sex comedy really needed another lift (erection joke!), and SUPERBAD is the Viagra.

There are some amazing set pieces and the entire movie's age old plot about high school kids getting booze/sex is carried out in two very entertaining and eventually intertwining ways. Evan and Seth (played brilliantly by Michael Cera and Jonah Hill) have the more grounded adventure leading them through some wild situations...but Christopher Mintz-Plasse (you need a hollywood name now dude), who played the instant movie icon Fogell aka McLOVIN was the real discovery. His wild escapade with the two loser cops (Seth Rogen and Bill Hader) trying to relive their youths through McLOVIN was amazing to watch and led to some of the movie's most memorable scenes.

Overall, this movie maintains the level of quality all the Apatow family films have had. It is amazingly quotable, hilarious, has heart, but unlike the other Apatow films it doesn't smack you over the head with the emotional message. I can't recommend this movie enough. Go watch it this weekend with your best friend before you head off to Dartmouth for college.

Barely a Review: THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM

In all honesty I haven't been the biggest fan of the BOURNE franchise. They are often praised for being very realistic, gritty, and tense spy thrillers. I sort of like spy thrillers to have a bit more flash, but there's no denying that this series has been a huge success. I watched the first 2 recently and I still find THE BOURNE IDENTITY to be lacking in terms of suspense. THE BOURNE SUPREMACY was a step up and thankfully keeping Paul Greengrass on as director helps THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM maintains SUPREMACY'S tone while giving us even more knowledge as to how Jason Bourne became a deadly secret agent.

One of the gripes I have with the series is that it tends to get repetitive. There are so many scenes of various CIA bigwigs constantly telling their subordinates to "Find Bourne!" or "Have you found Bourne?" or "Why haven't you found Bourne?" There is a lot of that in ULTIMATUM but thankfully the film's last act shakes things up a bit and reveals quite a bit about Bourne's past. Those are the scenes that ultimately fulfilled me and cast the movie in a positive light.

There has been a lot of speculation as to whether this will be the last film in the BOURNE franchise. To that I say this: The movie made over $70 million in its first weekend. The speculation is over.

Shoot 'Em Up: My Dream Movie

I have always told people that in a perfect world I would be a director. Most people who say that are often thought of as wanna be Hitchcocks, Scorceses, or Kurosawas. But for me, it's names like Woo, Chan, Hung, or McTiernan that float my cinematic boat. The two films that had the biggest impact on me were Jackie Chan's magnum opus "Drunken Master 2" and John Woo's ballistic ballet "Hard Boiled".

I still remember stumbling across a VHS copy of Drunken Master 2 at Suncoast motion picture company and spending 30 dollars for it about 12 years ago. Right from the opening fight sequence I felt like this was the movie I had been looking for all my life. This was the action cinema I always craved but only got flashes of on American screens.

If Drunken Master 2 was an epiphany, then "Hard Boiled" was a bullet in the head. I had seen John Woo's wonderful "The Killer" some time earlier and was pretty impressed with the overall story and cinematography. I loved the pistols akimbo style of Chow Yun Fat and his ability to be a ruthless hitman but also a loving boyfriend to a blind lady. All that was forgotten the minute the opening Tea House scene in "Hard Boiled" started. My jaw was on the ground at the carnage, the amount of ammo expended, the environmental damage, the amount of faceless goons being blown away, and how damn cool Chow Yun Fat looked throughout it all. Woo goes on to top every action scene with the next one, culminating in a legendary hospital shoot out. "Hard Boiled" is the quintessential action film. It is the barometer by which I measure all other action films. It is pretty much the reason I have/had any interest in pursuing a career in film making now or ever.

Anyway, now the long winded intro is over. Michael Davis' upcoming "Shoot 'Em Up" just released a red band trailer (adults only) on it's website. Long story short. It's brilliant. This may be that movie that finally makes good on all the inspiration John Woo has given the new generation of filmmakers. Too many have come and gone that looked to take what Woo had done and build upon it (I am looking at you Rob Rodriguez...has anyone noticed how different his style has gotten since Desperado, which is still EASILY his best movie?). Now of all people, Z-movie writer Michael Davis may be the one to do it. I guess we will all find out September 7th.

http://shootemupmovie.com/

Shaq vs. Obesity: Mission Accomplished

Say what you will about "Shaq's Big Challenge", I think it turned out to be a fantastic, inspiring 6 episode series. It was able to walk the line between being too preachy and being too cutesy. Granted, they skipped like 5 months of training between the last two episodes, but boy did they get some results (which everyone expected...its TV!). Like I said in my original review of the show, I still applaud it for refraining from sugar coating the "failures" of the kids. They acknowledged that some kids didn't do as well as the others, but ultimately they all had a life changing experience.

There are a couple of things that become readily apparent though at the end of this show.

1. Shaq is probably going to be the most well loved athlete of all time when its all said and done. Sure Jordan and Ali are more recognizable, but Shaq is impossible not to love and has a sense of approachability about him that other superstars dont. And really, Jordan has historically shirked any social duty and has often been called out on it...while shaq is always on the forefront especially when it involves the kids.

2. Dale Brown is a fucking amazing speaker. Shaq called his old LSU head coach, Dale Brown, to join his team to help motivate kids and get his message of healthier living to the beuraucrats in Florida. At first glance, you feel like Brown would stick out like a sore thumb...but when he opens his mouth he makes you want to go to battle for him. Every time he spoke I felt connected to what he was saying. That man truly has a gift.

3. Walter needs his own show. This kid started as a video game addict and ended up losing 60 some pounds but had no problem staying a huge geek. He was obviously Shaq's favorite and consistently the most entertaining kid. He was very witty and totally genuine.

This was a great show, and I will miss it.