"The Shield" did not receive one nomination. Who gives a shit about the "winners?"
2006 EMMY ROUNDUP!
"The Shield" did not receive one nomination. Who gives a shit about the "winners?"
Reminder: AD Season 3
I am giving you guys a week's notice to pick up Season 3 of Arrested Development. And if you haven't seen S1 and S2, get at that. I am guessing they are heavily subsidized because of the new season release.
So right after a long day of work on August 29th, I am going to head over to my nearest Target, pick up one of the most blissful, soothing, insert any intoxicating adjective here, show that has aired on television, in my opinion. You should do the same. Good Job.
So right after a long day of work on August 29th, I am going to head over to my nearest Target, pick up one of the most blissful, soothing, insert any intoxicating adjective here, show that has aired on television, in my opinion. You should do the same. Good Job.
When the Military was Fun
I was screwing around today while watching the Giants get their asses handed to them again by the Dodgers and came across this old G.I. Joe commercial on youtube. It's an ad explaining the grueling task many kids, myself included, underwent to secure an exclusive Sgt. Slaugher "G.I. Joe" figure.Many things went through my head as I watched this 30 second time capsule from my youth. First, and most obvious, I really need to get laid. For Christ's sake I'm watching "G.I. Joe" ads on youtube. No good can come of that. From there I began to think about why G.I. Joe would want Sgt. Slaughter to be their drill instructor. Look at the man, he's fat. That's who we want training our nation's greatest weapon against Cobra?
Finally I began to realize how different the military was viewed when I was growing up. Back then the Cold War was still going on but basically Communism had lost and the U.S. was just sitting on the ball and running out the clock. There were no real wars going on and that led to fun fictional wars like those between Joe and Cobra. I know those characters are still around today but I would imagine it's tougher for parents to let their kids play with military related toys while real wars are going on all over the world.
I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say with this entry. Hope you enjoyed the commercial and if you know how I can find the ad where the "G.I. Joe" figure based on former Bears' great William "The Fridge" Perry is offered that would be super.
MyTube: The Greatest Song Ever
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jL7bYdA7WI
Tila Tequila, T-pain, J-Shin. Three future giants of the rap "game".
Finally, someone has put my day to day life into hip hop form.
This truly ain't something to LOL about.
My Favorite line..."It's my ex, probably misses my sex!"
For whatever reason I can't get the embedding to work right, sorry.
Tila Tequila, T-pain, J-Shin. Three future giants of the rap "game".
Finally, someone has put my day to day life into hip hop form.
This truly ain't something to LOL about.
My Favorite line..."It's my ex, probably misses my sex!"
For whatever reason I can't get the embedding to work right, sorry.
TV on DVD: Simpsons Season 8
Today I purchased The Simpsons Season 8, which marks the beginning of the TV on DVD season for me. TV on DVD season is the extremely expensive (for me at least) time before the fall schedule of television shows begin. Right now the networks are all attempting to get the previous season of a television show out on DVD before the subsequent season begins in a few weeks. Officially the season probably began last week when Prison Break's first season was released, but because I had no interest in buying that it began this week for me, with the release of one of the greatest hit or miss seasons of television ever.
Some people will probably tell you that the Simpsons sucked after season 3 or something silly like that. That's just plain wrong. In my opinion the show peaked in Season 6. However, I'd say that the season with the largest number of my favorite episodes has to be Season 8. How can you not like episodes like Homer's Phobia, Homer's Enemy, Homer vs. the 18th Commandment, Hurricane Neddy, and two of the greatest episodes ever, You Only Move Twice and Mountain of Madness? Unfortunately the writers also wrote some very mediocre, and even plain bad episodes, foreshadowing the future quailty dip/dive, to counteract the greatness of episodes the aforementioned episodes.
Season 8 marks the beginning of the writers really going off the wall and including random gags just for cheap laughs, leading to the unfortunate phenomenon known as Family Guy. However, at this point they were still able to harness these off the wall jokes and attempt to fit them into the episode in a coherent manner. When it works, it's beautiful. When it doesn't, it gets pretty ugly.
For many people the moment where the show "jumped the shark" (such a tired phrase. I propose that from now on I'll instead use "The Tipping Point", refering to when the quality of the show took a sever hit and dropped off sharply) is the episode Homer's Enemy, the episode with Frank Grimes as the disadvantaged guy who has had to work for everything in his life, while cartoon character Homer has gotten everything handed to him on a silver platter. The extreme meta-ness of this episode marks a turning point from where there is no going back for the show. The episode itself is very good. It's quite funny and smart, making brief references to past episodes to illustrate the differences between Homer and Frank Grimes' lives, but the self-referencing was too much for many people. However, that's not that only thing that changed for good in most people's eyes.
In the beginning of the series Homer was a hard working dad who loved his family. He was quite flawed, but one of his most obvious characteristics was that he cared deeply about his family. As the series went on the writers moved more and more away from this, until Homer was an incredibly hilarious oaf. From time to time though, he was also a complete and utter jerk, and Homer's Enemy is often referenced as The Tipping Point in regards to that. Although Homer attempts to be friends with Frank Grimes, it's for entirely self-concerned reasons, he wants everyone to love him, despite his glaring flaws, and once Grimes dies Homer ends up sleeping through his funeral and mumbling in his sleep like the obnoxiously self-centered jerk he had become over the years. This is an incredible turn off for many people, myself included.
It was a few more seasons before the Simpsons become mostly unwatchable, an abomination of it's former glory, and there were some really funny episodes in between, but none had any real emotional pull, like the greatest Simpsons episodes all do, after the show reached it's Tipping Point with Homer's Enemy.
In the next month I will be shelling out a bunch of money for the recent seasons of Veronica Mars, Arrested Devlopment, The Office and Battlestar Galactica. That's a fucking murderer's row if I've ever seen one
Next week: Veronica Mars Season 2
Some people will probably tell you that the Simpsons sucked after season 3 or something silly like that. That's just plain wrong. In my opinion the show peaked in Season 6. However, I'd say that the season with the largest number of my favorite episodes has to be Season 8. How can you not like episodes like Homer's Phobia, Homer's Enemy, Homer vs. the 18th Commandment, Hurricane Neddy, and two of the greatest episodes ever, You Only Move Twice and Mountain of Madness? Unfortunately the writers also wrote some very mediocre, and even plain bad episodes, foreshadowing the future quailty dip/dive, to counteract the greatness of episodes the aforementioned episodes.
Season 8 marks the beginning of the writers really going off the wall and including random gags just for cheap laughs, leading to the unfortunate phenomenon known as Family Guy. However, at this point they were still able to harness these off the wall jokes and attempt to fit them into the episode in a coherent manner. When it works, it's beautiful. When it doesn't, it gets pretty ugly.
For many people the moment where the show "jumped the shark" (such a tired phrase. I propose that from now on I'll instead use "The Tipping Point", refering to when the quality of the show took a sever hit and dropped off sharply) is the episode Homer's Enemy, the episode with Frank Grimes as the disadvantaged guy who has had to work for everything in his life, while cartoon character Homer has gotten everything handed to him on a silver platter. The extreme meta-ness of this episode marks a turning point from where there is no going back for the show. The episode itself is very good. It's quite funny and smart, making brief references to past episodes to illustrate the differences between Homer and Frank Grimes' lives, but the self-referencing was too much for many people. However, that's not that only thing that changed for good in most people's eyes.
In the beginning of the series Homer was a hard working dad who loved his family. He was quite flawed, but one of his most obvious characteristics was that he cared deeply about his family. As the series went on the writers moved more and more away from this, until Homer was an incredibly hilarious oaf. From time to time though, he was also a complete and utter jerk, and Homer's Enemy is often referenced as The Tipping Point in regards to that. Although Homer attempts to be friends with Frank Grimes, it's for entirely self-concerned reasons, he wants everyone to love him, despite his glaring flaws, and once Grimes dies Homer ends up sleeping through his funeral and mumbling in his sleep like the obnoxiously self-centered jerk he had become over the years. This is an incredible turn off for many people, myself included.
It was a few more seasons before the Simpsons become mostly unwatchable, an abomination of it's former glory, and there were some really funny episodes in between, but none had any real emotional pull, like the greatest Simpsons episodes all do, after the show reached it's Tipping Point with Homer's Enemy.
In the next month I will be shelling out a bunch of money for the recent seasons of Veronica Mars, Arrested Devlopment, The Office and Battlestar Galactica. That's a fucking murderer's row if I've ever seen one
Next week: Veronica Mars Season 2
Ass Rape
If you read this blog, you know that Will Arnett is a sort of demi-god around these parts. He is possibly one of the funniest men ever, and he has only done one tv show and a lot of commercial voice overs. It seemed that whenever Arrested Development was on the brink of cancellation, Will Arnett would sign on to do a movie with some great sounding cast, director, and/or writer. Well it looks like one of those movies finally got made.
"Lets Go To Prison" is directed by Bob Odenkirk and co-stars Dax Shepherd. It looks quite good actually. Plenty of anal rape jokes, Chi McBride making Will Arnett his bitch, etc.
Here is the trailer
"Lets Go To Prison" is scheduled for release this Thanksgiving
"Lets Go To Prison" is directed by Bob Odenkirk and co-stars Dax Shepherd. It looks quite good actually. Plenty of anal rape jokes, Chi McBride making Will Arnett his bitch, etc.
Here is the trailer
"Lets Go To Prison" is scheduled for release this Thanksgiving
Shane Black Week: TBD
After my recent look back at "The Monster Squad" I felt the need to appreciate Shane Black (a co-writer of the aforementioned movie, but disavows that any of his material ever made it to the final film).
Chris and I have no shortage of words to describe why Shane Black is great. If you don't know who he is, wait till the appreciation week and you will realize you have a new list of must see movies to add to your Netflix que.
If you do know who Shane black is, we would love to read a review for any of his work. Go ahead and email them to me at Fazermd@hotmail.com and I will gladly post it up on the site.
So hurry up and get typing cuz "I'm gettin' too old for this shit".
Chris and I have no shortage of words to describe why Shane Black is great. If you don't know who he is, wait till the appreciation week and you will realize you have a new list of must see movies to add to your Netflix que.
If you do know who Shane black is, we would love to read a review for any of his work. Go ahead and email them to me at Fazermd@hotmail.com and I will gladly post it up on the site.
So hurry up and get typing cuz "I'm gettin' too old for this shit".
Damme Watch: The Hard Corps
Tomorrow the big releases coming to DVD are SCARY MOVIE 4, HOOT, and RV. In other words you might as well watch burn victims get their prostates checked. But fear not DVD consumer, there is one movie coming to DVD this week that may not have been in theaters but is still legally considered a feature film. It's THE HARD CORPS, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Vivica A. Fox. It's the story of a former combat vet who is hired to protect a world champion boxer from a murderous rap music mogul. I know, I know, that old story again.I have yet to see THE HARD CORPS and I will be honest that the early word has been mixed. It seems the big complaint is that the action is not brutal enough. That could be a fair complaint because there are far too many direct-to-video films that don't take advantage of the "Anything Goes" rules that should be a given. It has to be better than Van Damme's last opus, SECOND IN COMMAND, because that was plain shit. But I'd still rather watch THE HARD CORPS than have to sit through Robin Williams rip off what Chevy Chase has already done brilliantly over 20 years ago. RV? Sweet Jesus, aside from my parents who on Earth would watch that tripe?
MyTube: CRANK'D
I wasn't sure what to make of "Crank" from the trailer, but these short clips up on YouTube and one super violent one (finally we are seeing a return to good hard R rated action films) up on IGN.com have caught my attention.
Jason Statham has done a really good job of picking fun action flicks to star in over the past 3-4 years. Although "Crank" is being done by a rookie music video turn film director duo, I think the concept is really strong, and it looks to be another solid addition to Statham's filmography.
Also, the movie co-stars the guy who played "Pedro" in Napoleon Dynamite. He looks to be playing a male prostitute in the movie, although that is just speculation based on the wardrobe he has on in these clips.
YouTube Links
IGN.COM (age verification needed)
"Crank" is slated for release on September 1st.
Movies that I sort of remember: THE MONSTER SQUAD
Ah, the 1980s. Possibly my favorite decade ever. Coke was new, NBA shorts were hilariously short, strokes were diff'rnt, and movies were full of outcast kids coming together to prove their worth. Whether it was The Breakfast Club discussing the agony of being a teenager or The Stand By Me kids talking about a fat dude barfing over a bunch of people, the movies of the 1980s spoke to the youth better than any decade before them. No movie better represents this idea than "The Goonies". But I am not going to talk about that movie right now. Instead, we will take a look back at "The Monster Squad", which was basically the Goonies fighting famous movie monsters.
Now, this movie really isn't on DVD so most of the plot summary is just from my memory and recaps from IMDB. I am writing this because I feel its a film that has been sorely overlooked if for no other fact than the long awaited movie answer to the question "Do werewolves have nards?".
Quick plot recap: The Crenshaws are the main family here, much like the Walshs in the Goonies. Young Sean Crenshaw is a member of a group of kids devoted to classic movie monsters. Sean gets a hold of super famous vampire hunter Abraham Van Helsing's diary, much like Mikey Walsh gets a hold of the map to One-Eyed Willie's treasure. There is a race to find an amulet, which will of course let the bad monsters( who really do exist for whatever reason in this world) stay and wreak havoc.
Over the course of the movie, we touch on subjects that just don't fly anymore in today's PC society. One of my favorite recalled scenes involves the local German occult dude, who is helping the kids fight Dracula and company, asking if there is a Virgin girl that speaks German so they can cast the monsters out of this universe using Van Helsing's diary. So they turn to Sean's older sister and say something like, "Phoebe, you took German in high school!!!". Of course she is reluctant and has a guilty look on her face...she is a dirty whore!!! HA! She gives some lame excuse about her boyfriend and her. It was a great scene that made a little bit of sense to me as a 12 year old, but was one of those jokes that I would laugh at just because I knew it was a joke not because I understood it at all.
There was also this great bad ass from school, Rudy, who eventually joins up with the Squad and is always smoking cigarettes, firing crossbows, and looking for silver bullets. He was like the total Han Solo of the group. This brings me to the Wolfman. Possibly the most famous scene ever in the history of movies. Two of the kids searching for the amulet in an obligatory spooky house are confronted by the Wolfman. They yell and scream, but one says "Kick him in the nards". The other protests, "Werewolves don't have nards!!!". Finally, the other gives in and they give a swift boot to the crotch and the wolfman goes down for the count...silver bullet my ass!!! The kids look at each other in amazement and say, "Whoa, werewolves have nards!".
The movie really peaks there. From there it becomes predictable with the good guys winning and Dracula and his movie monster compadres getting pwnd. All in all, this is definitely a movie that would benefit from DVD. I would appreciate a retrospective by the remaining living cast members (the law of 1980s child star averages tells me there are at least 3 members dead secondary to overdosing). Anchor Bay has been doing a good job of releasing crap that about a few hundred people ever wanted to see on DVD. Why have they not gotten on this cash cow? Call your local congressman, unless he is named Vlad or Dr. Acula, because that guy is probably not going to help you.
Pale Force!
Hopefully most of you see Jim Gaffigan and know him as one of the best stand-up comics going and not just as a guy who appears in ads for Sierra Mist. He's a regular on Conan O'Brien and lately he has been appearing on that show with episodes of his very own cartoon. It's called PALE FORCE and it finds Gaffigan and O'Brien (as voiced by Gaffigan) as a duo who fight crime using their greatest asset, lack of skin tone. It would be great if this could get a shot as a weekly show but until then check out these clips from Gaffigan's site:http://www.jimgaffigan.com/paleforce_hq.shtml
I Want to See a Ben Affleck Movie!
Since not much has been going on lately in the unimportant world of entertainment, how about another trailer? In 2002 Joe Carnahan rocked cinema with his 2nd feature film NARC. In 2007 he'll follow that up with SMOKIN' ACES. Here's the teaser (seems long enough to be called a trailer to me): http://www.smokinacesmovie.net/teaser/
It looks like a blast. Jeremy Piven stars as a former mob flunkie who agrees to testify against his bosses, but not before he goes to party one more time in Tahoe making him the target of all sorts of nefarious characters. While it does feature Andy Garcia I'm hoping ACES packs a bit more of a punch than the milk toast OCEAN'S 11. Ben Affleck plays one of the hitmen on Piven's trail but early word has it that he's only in about 10 minutes of the film. Whew!
It looks like a blast. Jeremy Piven stars as a former mob flunkie who agrees to testify against his bosses, but not before he goes to party one more time in Tahoe making him the target of all sorts of nefarious characters. While it does feature Andy Garcia I'm hoping ACES packs a bit more of a punch than the milk toast OCEAN'S 11. Ben Affleck plays one of the hitmen on Piven's trail but early word has it that he's only in about 10 minutes of the film. Whew!
Trailer Trash
Quite a few interesting trailers came out this past weekend, interesting enough that it made me want to blog about them.
First: The Marine (its in italics because its clearly a film, not a movie): WOW. This movie looks like heaven for fans of old 80s borderline B/A action flicks. I think Chris nailed it on the head with the Transporter comparison. It definitely feels like a backwoods version of that movie, and I think the car flipping deal was also done in Transporter 2. One thing is for sure, I have never seen this many slow motion action dives in a trailer since Jeff Speakman was a household name (which he was for about 13 minutes in 1987). Also, there is NOTHING wrong with Kelly Carlson being in this movie. Save for the fact her name is ridiculously close to sounding like Kelly Clarkson. This woman should be more famous than she is right now. As far as Cena, I hate his "wigger" character just generally dislike his wrestling character. But the "dirt sheets" apparently say he is a good guy behind the scenes, so I guess that is something. This probably won't touch the genius that is The Rundown though...now thats a fucking movie.
You can find the link to the trailer in Chris' post below.
BORAT: I have already blogged about the greatness that is Borat. Judging from the first trailer, looks like there were quite a bit of scenes and bits that weren't in my particular screening...which I love. I am definitely rewatching this movie when it hits this November. I really think it will knock everyone's socks off. If you liked Old School, 40 year old Virgin, Anchorman, and Talladega Nights (which was fantastic btw) you will be blown away by this movie. Its genius. Possibly the funniest movie of the past 10 years.
Link to my review
Link to the Trailer
Tenacious D in The Pick Of Destiny: I think Worry can chime in with a better history with Tenacious D because my exposure to them is limited. I have heard a couple of their songs and enjoyed them, but never saw their HBO stuff. I like Jack Black a lot. I like Kyle Gass' hair in this trailer. The movie itself seems like a giant rollercoaster through the world of rock, witchcraft, musicals, comedy, and much much more. It looks really promising. Its also nice to see Jack Black back to being himself after that unsuccessful detour that was King Kong.
Link to trailer
First: The Marine (its in italics because its clearly a film, not a movie): WOW. This movie looks like heaven for fans of old 80s borderline B/A action flicks. I think Chris nailed it on the head with the Transporter comparison. It definitely feels like a backwoods version of that movie, and I think the car flipping deal was also done in Transporter 2. One thing is for sure, I have never seen this many slow motion action dives in a trailer since Jeff Speakman was a household name (which he was for about 13 minutes in 1987). Also, there is NOTHING wrong with Kelly Carlson being in this movie. Save for the fact her name is ridiculously close to sounding like Kelly Clarkson. This woman should be more famous than she is right now. As far as Cena, I hate his "wigger" character just generally dislike his wrestling character. But the "dirt sheets" apparently say he is a good guy behind the scenes, so I guess that is something. This probably won't touch the genius that is The Rundown though...now thats a fucking movie.
You can find the link to the trailer in Chris' post below.
BORAT: I have already blogged about the greatness that is Borat. Judging from the first trailer, looks like there were quite a bit of scenes and bits that weren't in my particular screening...which I love. I am definitely rewatching this movie when it hits this November. I really think it will knock everyone's socks off. If you liked Old School, 40 year old Virgin, Anchorman, and Talladega Nights (which was fantastic btw) you will be blown away by this movie. Its genius. Possibly the funniest movie of the past 10 years.
Link to my review
Link to the Trailer
Tenacious D in The Pick Of Destiny: I think Worry can chime in with a better history with Tenacious D because my exposure to them is limited. I have heard a couple of their songs and enjoyed them, but never saw their HBO stuff. I like Jack Black a lot. I like Kyle Gass' hair in this trailer. The movie itself seems like a giant rollercoaster through the world of rock, witchcraft, musicals, comedy, and much much more. It looks really promising. Its also nice to see Jack Black back to being himself after that unsuccessful detour that was King Kong.
Link to trailer
The Few, The Proud, The Wrestlers
Confession time! I am not a computer expert. I know you read this and figure if someone contributes to a blog they must have gone to Harvard but that's just not the case. I went to a state college. What I'm trying to say is I have no clue how to make links look nice on this damn site and I don't feel like blowing more than 5 minutes of my Saturday trying to figure it out. All I wanted to do was give the link to the trailer of the upcoming film THE MARINE starring wrestler/rapper/meathead John Cena. Seems like an odd "news" item to bring someone to admit they're stupid but that's the kind of dedicated guy I am. Here is the link:
http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/themarine.html;_ylt=Aq7up8oaqsh8pUOSj4FVOSBfVXcA
I don't watch much wrestling these days. When Hillbilly Jim hung up his overalls so too did I. So all I know about Cena is from the few times I've seen him on shows like Conan or Kimmel. He seems like a decent guy but I don't know if he'll be able to charm his way through an entire film like The Rock did in THE RUNDOWN. But if you clicked that ugly link you'll see that the bad guy is played by Robert Patrick. That is probably what will get me to the theater. Patrick is a geek icon for his role in TERMINATOR 2 but he's really had a cool career full of all sorts of different film and television work, most notably in my book for his part in COP LAND and his great turn as a gambling addict on "The Sopranos." I wish I could say I'm impressed by his character on "The Unit" but anytime I saw him on that show he was just sitting behind a desk.
THE MARINE looks like it could be some good old fashioned dumb fun. Sort of a white trash TRANSPORTER. It stinks that it's PG-13 but those are the breaks in these conservative days. As an added bonus you get the ultra-fine Kelly Carlson from "Nip/Tuck" as Cena's kidnapped wife. Though I'm a bit bummed that her whole role will consist of not being topless and often yelling "Save me my Marine, save me!"
Expose Yourself to Gary Daniels
What's your favorite Gary Daniels movie? What's that? You don't have an answer? Well do yourself a favor this Tuesday and pick up the 1998 epic RECOIL which will finally receive a deserved DVD release.
Daniels has spent close to 20 years entertaining people with very low standards (like me!) when it comes to action films. He certainly doesn't have the acting ability of Robert Downey Jr. but Downey Jr. can't kick worth a damn so they're essentially equals in my book. To enjoy Daniels you must ignore his lack of facial expressions and appreciate him for the dedication he puts forth to create films full of insane stunts and plenty of gunfire.
You may want to know the plot of RECOIL before watching it. Daniels is a cop whose family is killed. That's it, you need to know nothing more. RECOIL is not the type of film you will find copies lining the shelves at Blockbuster but I'm sure you cool Netflix people can obtain it pretty easily. The rest of you may have to work a bit but I'm sure you'll thank me in the long run. Some of you may like RECOIL so much that you'll look for more of Daniels' movies to experience. To those people I say: Sorry.
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