Psychology is fun to the MAXX!!!

Well it seems that X3 has done surprisingly well this Memorial Day weekend, though I haven’t been able to see it since my town has zero (not hyperbole) movie theaters. Someone a month or so ago mentioned they had one of their best theater-going experiences, with the kind of movie/crowd interaction that transcends the average viewing, and I must say that X2 was the best such experience I’ve had at that level. Anyway, X3 has done amazingly well, but for my Superhero Week (plus a day) entry I wanted to talk about a fairly recent lost classic comic adaptation: The Maxx.

Once upon a time there were some comic book artists who were dissatisfied that they didn’t own their own work, and so they created a new comic book publishing company called Image, with the aim of operating quite differently than the big two publishers. The industry and fans alike were eager to see just what new characters and stories Image would put out. Tragedy struck however when a MOTS Bomb hit Image HQ and killed most of the artists’ imaginations, and their output turned out to just be More Of The Same. In a strange twist, however, the bomb did manage to mutate some artists’ works in strange and wonderful ways, a la the Incredible Hulk. One of those artists was Sam Kieth, creator of The Maxx.

Once upon around the same time there was a music video station called MTV. If you’re confused, it is indeed technically the same network you know today. Back then the M stood for “music” and not “My Super Sweet 16.” Well the early to mid 1990s were the transition years from what the network was to what the network would become. And those of a younger generation must forgive us, those who were around to stop it. We didn’t know. For at the time, MTV was something of an innovator, even in the realm of non-music programming. Beavis and Butt-head, Liquid Television, Aeon Flux, The Head. For a short period of time, experimental animation had a small heyday on MTV. And chief among these creative successes, I would argue, is the animated adaptation of The Maxx.

Now that I’ve ended three successive paragraphs with the words “The Maxx” I think it’s finally time to delve a bit into the series, which covers only a part of the comic’s scope. The Maxx lives in two worlds, as a homeless man with delusions of superhero-dom in our real world, and as a genuine superhero in an alternate world called The Outback, a wilderness of grassland and strange and savage beasts. His experiences are intimately linked to those of a traumatized freelance social worker named Julie, who also escapes into The Outback to become the fierce and self-reliant Leopard Queen. The sinister Mr. Gone creeps everyone out in both dimensions, while his henchman the black Isz (I'm not usre how to pluralize that), docile and white in The Outback, cause havoc when they transition into the real world. Sarah, a depressed teenager, also has surprising connections to everyone involved.

Now I don’t want to push this into summary, both to avoid spoilers for those who haven’t seen it and to avoid sounding like a wikipedia entry, but I should make mention of a few things. The story gets weird, very weird. It’s in large part a psychological exercise about how some people deal with severe trauma, consciously and subconsciously. The pacing is expert, with shifts in mood and tone that never jar except when they’re supposed to. It’s alternately funny, violent, severe, and melancholy, and often enough a surreal combination of them all. The animation is beautiful, with strong nods to its comic book origins in drawing style and in the way it portrays motion. This is one of the first cartoons I ever saw that used layers of moving flat panels to show both 2- and 3-dimensionality simultaneously. There are moments of creative playfulness that delight no matter the tone of the scene, often when the characters transition between worlds, and particularly an episode where a shrunken down Maxx must navigate his way through Julie’s apartment to avoid a hungry Isz.

The Maxx is not on DVD, sadly, and there’s no telling if it ever will be. It was released on VHS years ago, in an apparently slightly edited version (?), so finding that might be the best chance you ever get for a hard copy. That said, do not shed tears you Princes of Maine, you Kings of New England, for there is a youtube archive! Though the only way to find it is to pass through the Orcan Hills, across the Valley of Trolls, and beyond the Leech Swamp. Lucky for you, I’ve already made that journey, and the URL is: http://youtube.com/profile_videos?user=electricshocktherapy .

Competing Castles






It’s a tough world out there for comic book heroes with no super powers. Sure Batman hasn’t let the fact that he’s a mortal man slow him down but he’s stinking rich, that’s even better than being able to fly or having super strength. The Dark Knight aside the Punisher has also been able to handle his own with only the use of his wits and an arsenal that even Charlton Heston would find excessive if he wasn’t suffering from Alzheimer’s.

To date there have been two films depicting Frank Castle’s attack on the criminal underworld. The first was released overseas in 1989 but due to New World Pictures going belly up it did not arrive to the states until a video release 2 years later. It starred my own personal lord and savior Dolph Lundgren and Louis Gossett Jr. whose bald head is worshiped by a tribe in northern Namibia. Many fans of the comic have ripped on this movie because the Punisher does not wear the trademark skull on his chest. Ya know what I say to those people? Die quickly. Who has time to care about skulls on a chest when you have Lundgren killing his way through hundreds of mobsters and Yakuza clan members? The film is a gem of its era and deserves a place in excessively violent cinema heaven alongside COMMANDO and ROBOCOP.

A slightly kinder, though still pretty brutal, take on the character was released in 2004. This time Thomas Jane was given the task of taking the role and unlike the ‘89 version this flick provided the origin of what sent Frank Castle over the edge. In the comics Castle loses his wife and kids. This film made sure to leave no relative remaining as everyone from Castle’s dad (Roy Scheider) to a second cousin Frank only saw previously at weddings are gunned down. Even Castle himself is beaten to a bloody pulp and shot at point blank range but because his rage won’t let him die he lives to fight another day. Jane does a great job of showing the transformation from Frank Castle to Punisher. Sadly his arch-nemesis is played by John Travolta who treats his role the same way I treat cleaning my taint, very half assed. But while Travolta fails the film, luckily it does serve up a few other worthy enemies to wage war on Castle. Will Patton brings a lot to the table as Travolta’s #2 guy and wrestler Kevin Nash, as the Russian, engages Castle in an extremely harsh yet funny fight scene.

Though I enjoy both films, pound for pound Lundgren’s version still wins my heart. I always say that Thomas Jane is the better Frank Castle while Dolph Lundgren is the better Punisher. That’s not really a knock on Jane. He just doesn’t get to really cut loose like the character routinely does in the comics until the final act of the 2004 movie. He doesn’t even refer to himself as the Punisher until the last line of the film. I’d like to see Jane get another shot to play Marvel’s resident vigilante in a follow up. I’d also like no scientologists to play the bad guy.

YouTube pick of the week/hour/day


I don't know if this column is deemed acceptable under the new movement we are taking this blog in, but I just needed to share this fantastic video with all 40 of our regular readers.

It's no secret that I love Reel 2 Real's 1994 classic "I like to Move it" (it was popular way before madagascar came out people. stop referring to it as "that song from madagascar"). It's probably one of the greatest dance songs ever created. It gets stuck in your head and when you hear it "girls all over the world can't stop moving their body nice sweet and sexy." Here is a link to the original video, which in itself is quite funny.

In that same search, I came across these european kids (i think?) who are celebrating something to this same song. Keep an eye on the kid in black. If Dan Akyroyd and Steve Martin ever want to hire someone to play the kid version of their "Wild And Crazy Guys" characters, I think they should also keep their eyes on the man in black.

Stealing Cable: The Season Finale

An open letter to my staff and our readers:

With all of the major finales behind us with the two notable exceptions of tomorrow night's Lost and Sunday after next's Sopranos, I figure it is a good time to clean house. After all, reading my G4 post made me realize that it was a bit ironic that I was calling them out for an identity crisis, considering my own project here has been meandering from TV centric, to more broad things to the point where it loses some focus. I know some things work and some things don't, and to that tune, I will be talking with all of our staff and attempt to nail down something a little more consistent, and a little less vague of a gameplan. Just what the hell is Stealing Cable? A bunch of pretentious nerds who are shoving their opinion down your throat? A lazy entertainment site with sometimes fun but usually directionless articles? Backdoor communist propaganda?

I always get a little pissed when sites that I am a fan of do this type of navel gazing, but I think that it is time to address some of the main complaints here.

1. Just what are we covering? Entertainment. TV will always be a focus, but we will also cover movies, games, and the occasional tech post.

2. Why so few and so inconsistent posts? I am as big an offender as anyone, but truth be told, our only drive on a no-pay site is response. I know this takes time, but it is really hard to keep this up with no motivation. I have been throwing around some ideas to get around this, and hopefully it will work out. Think about it..the writers and contributors here take time to post every now and then, and have no real obligation or nothing to lose by never coming around again, so in reality, we are lucky to get as much as we do.

3. Where is the podcast? Not dead, just no longer a focus. We will do another one when I feel the time is right. I have no plans to ever make it a regular feature. From now on, the blog will be the focus. Think of when the podcast comes as a bonus.

4. Why such a bland logo? Because art isn't my thing. Wanna help us out? Feel free.

5. Why the sometimes extremely random posting? I do my best to keep the posts timely, but sometimes when things are slow, it is necessary to go on a completely unreleated tangent. I have made an attempt to curve this in recent weeks, but it does make the posts less consistent. I would always prefer to have every thing we post relevant to something current, but spats of classic reviews and commentary are going to be unavoidable, at least until we solve probem 2.

6. Why has the attitude changed so much from the beginning? I had someone ask me this in an email. He went on a bit more about how we no longer mention Bruce Campbell in every post, or how the whole thing has lost a bit of it's nerd cred when expanding focus. In reality, I would rather entertain people than have a thing where it is 5 people telling in-jokes that 6 people would get, and then blow each other about how much more gooder we are than folks that don't get it. It's pretentious, it's elitist, and it's being done much better than we ever could elsewhere. It's just not the site that I wanna do.

In conslusion, we are going to set out to be the most broad scoped narrow scope entertainment site on the internet. We make no attempt to be an all encompassing site of any kind, and we will continue to post about what we as individuals think is important. Over the next few weeks and months, we will be undergoing some changes that will hopefully address the problems, from staff restructuring, downsizing, and upsizing, all the way down to a new logo, as well as some new behind the scenes protocol. Keep me updated on how you feel things are going, and some suggestions on how it could be better for you. As always, readers, we are constantly looking for new staff..feel free to use the email link on the right side of your screen.

Justin Kelly -
Your Editor in Chief(I suppose)

G4 Rebooted

Long time readers might remember an article that I did on the G4 network, which centered mostly on what was wrong with their centerpiece, "Attack of the Show." For the two or three of you that watch, last week, they actually did what they called a deep revamp for the whole network. Here's what I, their target demographic, think.

The syndicated shows still suck.

X-Play has some great new slick graphics, and that's about all that changed. Any changes on this show seem to be about 99 percent window dressing, and considering this show is the only one that was able to successfully survive the demise of Tech TV, that is a good thing. Adam Sessler is still the only great talent on the network.

Filter's new host? Howard Stern's girlfriend Beth Ostrosky. Much older than most of G4's new hot chick crop (she's an ancient 33) this was kind of a weird choice, considering their philosophy. I'm sure the show will still be worthless. I only mention this show because any chance I get to type Howard Stern on here will be taken. His website is at howardstern.com.

Attack of the Show arguably received the most sweeping changes, from the new hosts, new set, and new format. This show fares best from the changes, but still has a ways to go to do what it sets out to. The show is going less for a talk show and more for a news type show, which leads to a much more professional format. Kevin Periera does all of the heavy lifting, and the other "stars" are relegated to segments and transitions. He seems to be a lot less annoying. The show still doesn't need to be an hour long, but there is much less filler and faux-edgy banter than before. Sarah Lane replacement Olivia Munn is clueless. Brendan Moran replacement Zach Selwyn is almost comically simiiar to his predessor. New Feed reader, nameless British chick, is unnecessary, since there is now a scroll at the bottom of the screen for the duration of the show, as well as the feed appearing once an hour, every hour all throughout the day. Debate segment "The Loop" is the best new addition, even though it is just a stripped down and more broadly focusted "G4TV.com." The show has broadened greatly in scope, again giving the hosts more to discuss, but also creating major overlap..for example, who do they think watches this show for sports news? The sometimes loopy sketches are still here, and they are still as hit or miss as ever, but this was always part of the charm for me. The show seems like a compromise between suits who loved the old format, and those who were pushing for something more radical. The balance is pretty good, but I can't help but think if they had just went the whole 9 yards and totally changed the show, we might have something more compelling. I used to watch the show every day (though I would usually fast forward through about half of it, and have to delete the 40 replays from my DVR because G4 can't classify the fuckers as repeats!!). About six months ago, when the show was obviously being railed by network notes and subtle change, I gave up, and nothing here really makes me want to go back to the daily routine. It is a major step in the right direction, but at best, they are right back where they started with this mess of an idea.


Overall, the network still seems torn between their Spike TV Man channel direction and their nerdy roots. Since the network changes about once a year, I suppose we can start a countdown until the next reboot, when hopefully they will get the impetus to follow through on a real change, and end this 3 year identity crisis.

24 season finale

Just a quick few thoughts inbetween the superhero posting.

This season of 24 was easily the worst its ever been. It was one of the most frustrating seasons to watch as an audience member. When massive plot lines e.g. a recording, get simply erased by a laser pointer in 5 seconds negating 4-5 hours of episodes, you tend to get a little pissed. The whole season was like a clinic on every mistake the show has made in the past.

I thought bringing David Fury onto the show was supposed to make it better, instead it is worse than it has ever been. Although, I am hooked for next year with the possibility of overseas action. I was hoping this season would involve the Chinese much more, but I am hoping for a more stripped down version of the show next year. I think the audience is tired of made up tech jargon (phoenix shield? that line had me rolling on the floor "nu-uh, you can't break a phoenix shield"), snake like plot developments that just lead to dead ends, and CTU politics on the whole.

Here's to hoping next year we see more of a Metal Gear Solid 3 type approach to the show...

Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D


Before this review gets going, I suggest you watch this to set the mood...go ahead and watch, I'll wait.

...
...
...

Do you feel that? That odd feeling of being inexplicably drawn to David Hasselhoff's many TV exploits and even more odd actually enjoying some of his work? This feeling is also described as "being German". Well, Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D (comic book geeks re: this is the last time I punctuate that shitty acronym properly) will take that feeling and crash land a helicarrier on it.

Now, Nick Fury the comic character is pretty cool on paper. Your basic grizzled war veteran, who is now basically running all aspects of espionage for the USA (and he has a friggin' eye patch!) He has made appearances in basically every major Marvel Comic since his inception, but never could support a title on his own (comic book geeks re: I have not read the new MAX series that was recently commissioned, but I suspect that it tanked).

For whatever reason in the late 1990's Fox decided to poorly invest in comic books. They spear headed the comic book movie/tv resurgence with a Generation X TV movie that was putrid, as well as a Nick Fury TV movie starring DAVID HASSELHOFF. The movie as everyone would have suspected was an abomination. It literally looked like a TROMA film...put together by high school comic geeks in their backyard. The script was terrible. The acting was amazingly atrocious. The special FX made the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers look like it was done by ILM.

I could run down the ridiculous plot, but some brave soul has already done a pretty extensive summary of the TV movie here.

So, basically I will give you some of the highlights (for lack of a better term) of this new age classic. My comments will be in red.

Just to catch everyone up, Baron Von Strucker (former head of HYDRA) is dead, but for whatever reason his body is frozen and HYDRA agents have stolen it. So, now SHIELD needs some help...

"
Later in the Yukon, a SHIELD transport arrives with Agent Alexander Goodwin Pierce and the Contessa Valentina DeAllegra Fountaine (played by Lisa Rinna, and YES THAT IS HER ACTUAL NAME IN THE MOVIE) to reenlist the retired and secluded Nick Fury, former public director of the agency, by presidential decree. Fury is updated on the attempts by Von Strucker's children, Andrea and Werner to reunite HYDRA using the Death's Head virus as a super bio-weapon."

At this point, its clearly been established that Nick Fury is old and grizzled and is being poorly portrayed by our man 'hoff. I'll give the man credit for one thing, he sure can walk pretty straight with an eye patch on.

"
In Berlin, Fury and team arrive to collect Armin Zola (another z-grade Marvel villain involved with Nazi shit) from a SHIELD safe house. They first must meet with Gail Runciter, an agent with INTERPOL who captured Zola and insists on being there when Neville reads his mind (WTF??!?). HYDRA agents ambush them, but Fury loses them through a holographic wall (I hate when that happens!). After a harrowing brain scan, Neville is nearly killed in the link with Zola and they learn someone has already been inside his head. Afterward, Runciter tries to seduce Fury and reveals herself as Andrea Von Strucker (Bro's before ho's Fury...always remember that), calling herself Viper, and poisons him with a slow-working toxin.

Back at the helicarrier, Gabe confirms Fury only has hours to live and recommends he remain in the infirmary but Fury opts instead to follow a long shot; obtaining a sample of the Viper's blood to create an anti-serum (let me remind you, this was years before 24...methinks the creators of 24 were inspired by the quality of this TV movie..that wasn't a joke)."

"
Viper has the strike team (SHIELD sent some dudes to stop the virus and yadda yadda yadda) captured and reveals to Fury that she intends to detonate the bomb regardless if she gets the money or not (she asked for a ransom, typical supervillainy). The team is locked into a freezer where thanks to its low temperature, Fury can now think better [giving him some relief from the toxin induced fever] (rookie mistake viper!!!)."

"
Fury uses his fake eye as an explosive (for all you future supervillains...after frisking down your enemies, ALWAYS check behind the eyepatch) and the team break out of their prison and despite his worsening condition leads a raid on the HYDRA command room."

"Fury breaks into the command room and faces down Viper and Armin Zola. Zola is killed while firing Fury's pistol which is programmed to electrocute anyone who uses it aside from Fury (NEVER pick up the good guy's gun/sword). Viper engages Fury in combat and kills him, only to find Fury alive behind her [thanks to his hologram device] (again with the holograms? "You think this is the real Quaid?...IT IS")."

"Neville scans Viper's mind for the sequence to stop the detonation of the bomb while HYDRA agents try to break into the room from the outside. Neville endures the anger of Viper's mind (she must be one pissed off lady) and Neville offers up a sequence, unsure whether the last number is 6 or 9 (interesting choice in numbers, was this written by 16 year olds?...oh, it was). Fury chooses 6 and the countdown stops. The helicarrier arrives just in time and Gabe comes down to extract blood from Viper for a serum. The countdown begins again and the SHIELD team scramble to stop it. The countdown is a hoax and the diversion allows for Viper to slip away an escape hatch with her father's frozen body (sunuva bitch!!! guys, never trust girls in a 6-9 situation)."

"
At an unnamed HYDRA base, Viper witnesses her father's resurrection and Baron Von Strucker vows revenge against Nick Fury.... (umm...don't think so pal.)"

And with that, the insanity comes to a close. Thanks for reading, those of you who made it all the way through.

Superhero Week: The Shadow

As X-men: The Last Stand and Superman Returns to cinema's this summer, we remember the remarkably good and insultingly mediocre adaptations that have graced the silver screen in recent years.

Consider the Shadow a hell of a missed opportunity; the character is much akin to The Batman, yet lacking gravitas. They’re both predators of the night foiling the nefarious schemes of their enemies as they brood away between intermissions of their luxurious playboy lifestyles. Given these facts it’s no wonder why The Shadow was released in the wake [Shadow, if you will] of the 1989 Batman film by Tim Burton.

So what makes this film a missed opportunity? A production bogged down by lackluster direction and a script that skips over the characters more intriguing aspects, evidenced by our introduction to our hero Lamont Cranston living in a cesspool of debauchery and hedonism. It’s not often your hero starts out living the life of a Bond villain complete with having a subordinate killed needlessly. It’s an intriguing set-up yet poorly executed as the film dips into camp, as Cranston is taken away and brought before a mysterious monk that promises to redeem Cranston for his past and turn him into a man who would fight evil rather than reveling in it. Cranston, played by Baldwin can’t help but be dumbfounded by the elements surrounding him until at last he excludes “Am I in hell?” It’s a thought that must be shared by certain viewers at that point.

Promises of an ideological 180 are dealt with swiftly as the film commits the sin of not exploring Cranston’s psyche and instead taking the easy way out with a vertical scroll detailing Cranston’s redemption being a success, his desire to take up the struggle against the forces of evil and his ability to cloud the minds of men, both as the Shadow. This solves the problem of shortening the running time to a sturdy 108 minutes in which Cranston must foil the scene chewary of John Lone’s Shiwan Khan as he plans to build an atom bomb in the hopes of destroying New York before moving on and conquering the rest of the world.

Looking back on the film after the likes of Spider-Man 2 and Batman Begins, you can’t help but think the proper direction to go is with the training of Cranston’s mind and body and to show the why of the superhero [a route i'm sure Sam Raimi, who was passed on to direct this in favor of Russell Mulcahy would've at least strolled down]. Instead of an introspective tale we’re treated to the dumbfounded glares of glorified henchmen as they gawk in awe of a mysterious force pummeling their boss only to reveal himself as the Shadow and stand for an eternity until the camera gets close enough to reveal just how big his hat is.

From then it’s established the Shadow’s intricate network of information, Margo Lane and her mysterious connection to Cranston, Cranston’s suggested but hardly troubling struggle within himself and foremost, Baldwin’s ability to laugh uproariously at all that surrounds him. It's during the second act in which a dumbfounded Ian McKellen sleepwalks through the film [Both literally and character-wise] as Baldwin battles the profusely perspiring Tim Curry that you have to wonder just why the hell he's enjoying himself so much.

This is the end...

Just a few thoughts on the season of 2005-2006...pretty disappointing. All the old reliables were...just that old and reliable. The new shows tanked miserably in my opinion. I laugh looking back at our season preview podcast (whatever happened to that?!) and realized most shows we mentioned ended up being horribly disappointing.

I think the only bright spots this entire season were Supernatural (consistently awesome show, which has been renewed for season 2 on the CW. I highly recommend purchasing the DVD when it finally comes out later this summer), Lost (season 2 has been really really good), The Shield (easily best show on TV), Robot Chicken, The Office, and at times Prison Break. Scrubs has just been off the whole year. Family Guy has been hit or miss. Then there was the travesty of Arrested Development (but the episodes we did get, were pretty much instant classics) getting the early axe.

Going into summer, we have Rescue Me coming back, which should be great, and the rest of your network filler till Fall season comes back. One show that I totally missed out on was The Unit, which I hear pretty good things about. One show that I feel totally missed the mark was Thief though. Andre Braugher had some great moments, but overall the show just lacked a direction. I also hated the "kid getting involved" angle.

EDIT- I'm not in the business of censoring posts, but the comment guy is right, and thankfully he didn't repeat the worst of it, this sentence was just so awful and unfunny at a Will and Grace level, the lolocaust if you will, that it had to go-Justin

Let us know your thoughts on any show that you really loved this season or really hated.

Elliott Yamin is out!

EDIT-NO AMERICAN IDOL NEWS ON HERE GOD DAMMIT!-JUSTIN

Everyone knows by now, I suppose, but this sad day still must be marked in mourning. Elliott Yamin, American Idol's half-deaf soul-singing prodigy, got expelled from the show tonight. He was my favorite from early on, and I really thought he would make it to the end, but alas it isn't so. This had to have been one of the closest votes in history, as each artist had 33% and a fraction. So Yamin got the least of that final percentage point, and exited with dignity. The finalists are therefore Taylor Hicks and Katherine McPhee, each no doubt propelled by their respective gimmicks. Taylor, of course, has his premature gray hair, his Michael McDonald white-as-hell soul, and that ever-present inexplicable scowl; Katherine, for her part, is hot. The humble but talanted Elliott relied only on his pitch perfect voice and his infectious smile, and sadly that's just not what slightly more than 2/3 of America wants. I hope he gets a break from somebody somewhere, because he really has talent.

So next week is the finals, where America crowns its next idol. And I know where my vote is going: Katherine McPhee. Not only does she have a good voice, but she's fairly affable, and she seems to be prone to wardrobe malfunctions. And I think I speak for enough men and women and children and pets and wild beasts of land, air, and sea when I say I'd rather see photospreads of Katherine plastering news stands (figurative news stands, as my town doesn't have any) than Taylor's sour mug everywhere. Don't just vote with your ears next week, America; vote with your head as well. The part of your head not including your ears. Mostly I'm talking about the eyes. Vote her into stardom and the clutches of a fast-talking photographer. As far as I know, Elliott would have wanted it that way.

Veronica is back!!

It appears we will at least find out what's in the case next year as Stealing Cable favorite "Veronica Mars" has been renewed for a full 22 episode order for the CW network's inaugural stint. Linked goodness from E Online's own Kristin. The option to reduce the episode order to 13 in the event of poor ratings is there, but we gotta take what we can get. Hopefully without the WB canniballizing UPN's ratings, more folks will tune in. Oddly enough, I also hear that we have Aquaman's failure to thank for the spot for Veronica. The early years of Aquaman (think smallvillesque) that no one wants, apparently won't go past pilot. Also renewed by the CW, Supernatural, and the god awful 7th Heaven.

Music Saved...for real this time


Get ready rude boys and girls cuz there is a blizzard on the way.

Snow, reggae artist extraordinaire, has been allowed back into the USA after being barred from re-entering due to criminal troubles. He is back to work with producers Rich Nice (of trackmasters fame) and Commissioner Gordon (of...ummm Batman fame?) on a new album dropping this SPRING 2006!!!

I think this quote from Snow's Homepage speaks for itself: "This album will take you back to his roots and then fast forward to the future like you never heard him before...A LICKY BOOM BOOM NOW" (just kidding about that licky boom boom part, he never said that...but I am sure he wanted to)

For those of you who don't remember "the once MC Shan and the one daddy Snow (who) together love 'em like a TOR-NA-DO", maybe this will remind you of the year 1993...the year of SNOW.

Also, check out Snow's Myspace website for information about his daily goings on and clips from his newer work.

Music Saved


This July, Radiohead's Thom Yorke will be releasing a solo disc, entitled "The Eraser." For those of you who were ready to kill yourself because Radiohead wasn't releasing an album this year, hold off those razors. The album will be produced by Nigel "GOD"rich, uberproducer extrodinairre, and out on XY records. Artwork by the always wonderful Stanley Donwood. Full band new album and arena tour next year. REJOICE!

FINALE ALERT: Prison Break


Without turning this into a political post...ah fuck it, our idiot President is giving a damage control speech at 8, and of course Fox will have full coverage..our finale of Prison Break is scheduled to start at 8:20. Enjoy the roller coaster ride of Prison Break season 1 coming to a close. Wonder how they are going to call it Prison Break again next season. Hope the finale is as consistently great as the last six or so episodes. Enjoy!

Justin Fixes the Studio upfront: NBC

NBC, beginning this fall, will own Thursday nights. Moving up an hour will be the inconsistent but decent "My Name is Earl", and the best comedy on television, "the Office". At 9, Aaron Sorkin's "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." will take hold. Also of note, the already hyped "Heroes" will share a timeslot (presumably) with 24, Monday at 9. Tuesday night is "Friday Night Lights," based on the movie of the same name. If it is more like playmakers and less like the movie, we could have something good. Missing in action again from the fall schedule? "Scrubs." Cancelled though? No..another situation similar to the 05 fall schedule where it will be billed as a midseason replacement. Whatever works to keep it on the air is cool with me, not to mention the show should be hitting syndication very soon. All in all, NBC is in a good place to command quite a bit of my viewing week. If only Scrubs was on the schedule, this would be an A + upfront.

Total Recall: Veronica Mars Season 2


Wow. Very interesting ending to season 2 of Veronica Mars. I will stay out of spoiler territory.

Season 2 was packed. One more big mystery, a massive amount of storylines, and a shocker of an ending. In the end, I think our hero Rob Thomas oversaturated this season. There were way too many storylines, way too many left turns, way too many suspects, and really way too much for one season. It became almost a challenge just to remember what events were being referred to as the season progressed. I also felt like the season started to meander a bit midway through, but then went into super pursuit mode in the last 6 episodes, 5 of which were really killer episodes.

I am sure Justin and possibly Kyle will chime in here and explain to me "that I don't understand good tv" or "you are just too stupid to not have followed the intelligent plotting of the season", but I will address that now by saying it was far too complex a season. From drug dealers, to PCH'ers in upheaval, to stabbings, to 2 murder trials, to dirty surgeons, to janitors, etc etc. And after digesting it all, it just felt like there were a lot of unnecessary tangents to the storyline. Granted, all of that could have been forgiven if the finale had made a little bit more sense. I enjoy the cliffhangers setup for season 3. I loved Charisma Carpenter's role in this season. I enjoyed most of the characters (although Logan and Veronica's on again off again romance thing is starting to get annoying). But the unclear motive of the ultimate villain and the ridiculousness of how he/she was able to get everything to work out kind of took me out out of the show. Also, for those who watched it, the 2 emotional "shock" moments to veronica in the finale was one unbelievable and the other just seemed too tacked on.

I really enjoyed the season overall even if it feels like I just had all these random memories and images implanted in my head, some of which were pertinent and some of which was just filler. Oh well, I look forward to season 3 "The college years", which according to Justin's sources (one of which also said that Arrested coming to showtime was already a done deal) and several other insiders will be a reality on the CW.

"See you at the party Richter!!!"

E3 2006: Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Wow, I just had this killer case of deja vu on Friday night as E3 2006 came to a close. It feels like I used to read about Nintendo being the dominant force at E3 sometime in the past. It's a good feeling.

E3 is an insane experience. My first and only visit to the Expo was the year the PS2 declared itself the ruler of the gaming world. The show is really every man's dream: video games as far as the eye can see, movie stars, musicians, and scantily clad professional models, who are ALL interested in talking to you.

I am just going to give a few thoughts on the Big 3's showing at the expo this year. There is just so much information coming out of the convention center though that it literally takes days to catch up with everything that has come out, so I am going to hit on the things that really impacted me as a gamer.

NINTENDO: I think everything has already been said about the Wii's amazing showing at the show. I think everyone came into LA this week expecting Sony to be on everyone's mind (and to a certain extent they were, but not in a positive fashion), and for Nintendo to display some nice gimmicks but be overly secretive like they always are. Thankfully, Nintendo put together an amazing showing for the Wii. The standouts for me were the Wii sports suite (the sensitivity in the controls for Wii tennis was actually quite impressive), Red Steel (although when viewing actual gameplay from the floor it was a bit less impressive), and of course Super Smash Brothers Brawl (even though that game is going to use the gamecube controller). I think the lines at the Nintendo booth were self explanatory. People wanted to play this system. And you know what, so will consumers come this fall. Nintendo has taken an alternative approach to video gaming, yet I think they are going to end up being very strong members of the mainstream market AGAIN when everything is all said and done.

Microsoft: I think the one thought I am left with after E3 is that I NEED TO PLAY GEARS OF WAR. The game just jumped up from "hey, looks like a cool tech demo" to "I will buy a 360 just to play this game". I can't say enough about how fantastic the gameplay looked and needless to say how goregous its graphics were. The multiplayer also sounded like something that would really appeal to the gamer who isn't looking for an ultra-sim shooter like ghost recon but something a bit more intelligent than some Halo 2 matches end up being on XBL. Also, Splinter Cell 4 (while not an xbox only title) looked fantastic. I appreciate that they are finally amping up the violence and adding blood into the game. All in all, the 360 didn't blow me away with anything earth shattering, but it really sold me on its 2nd generation stable of titles. I will purchase a 360 come this fall...and a Wii when Smash brothers comes out.

Sony: I am basically with Justin here. They were the talk of the town, but for the wrong reason. I am sure there will be a hefty amount of people out there who will spend 600 dollars on this behemoth, but I feel like Sony is fighting an uphill battle here. I think their arrogance is finally getting to them. Why even sell that nerfed 500 dollar version? It lacks the scalability that the 360 put into its core system. If you spent money later, you could turn your core system into everything the premium system was. This is not so on the PS3 lite. Sony announced nothing about its online plans. They barely announced anything for launch. They showed a lot of tech demos behind closed doors, and a lot of third party multiplatform titles. Umm, dont you guys want to sell this thing THIS NOVEMBER? While I don't forsee an Atari like implosion of the Playstation this holiday season, I do see it taking a big hit from the 360 and the Wii. I mean its plausible that the 360 will have a larger installed base by the time this generation is over, which is something NO ONE would have thought possible one year ago.

Anyway, there hasn't been an E3 this exciting in quite a while. It's a good time to be a gamer folks. Start saving your money, you are going to need it come this November.

EDIT: I forgot to mention one giant game that may change gaming forever...SPORE. I was never really into the Sims, but I was a big Sim City guy way back in the day. The lack of ceiling to this game is what has me most excited. I mean the possibilities are literally endless. This is one game that is definitely one to watch.

The Rappaport Report: Breaking News


Fellow Rappaport Riff Raff, your prayers and animal sacrifices have been granted. The 'Port has risen from the brink of death to stand proud at the side of Murdoch and "R-walk" all over the graves of other Fox shows such as Arrested Development, Wonderfalls, Firefly, Futurama, etc.

"The War at Home", soon to be the basis of a new religion in some galaxy light years away, has been RENEWED.

Now if only that damn Lili Taylor would come to her senses and drop that restraining order.

Lili, you know his only problem is that he loves TOO much...and sometimes uses fists and the back of his hand to express that love.

Justin fixes the press orgy: E3

Well E3 06 has come and gone, and my oh my was it a big one. With 2 new consoles on the horizon this fall, gamers worldwide looked to this event to unleash the details on the new Sony and Nintendo systems. Microsoft, already a few months into the next generation, was to point to their software and perhiperal plans. How did they do??

Sony-
Sony completely shit the bed on framing the debate. Instead of coming out of this event with everyone blown away by the capabilities of their console, everyone is talking about the outrageous price tag. They have created a unique situation in this console generation as compared to console generations past: we could be looking at a severly fractured gamer base as the prices of each console are radically different, and with a certain xbox announcement that I will cover in a few short paragraphs, users didn't see much to make this system, or it's crippled 499 version, worth the extra cash. The controller is a nerfed version of their admittedly great Dual Shock, minus the shock and plus a ripoff Revolution motion sensor. This reminds this old gamer of shades of the N64..a console can't get by on hubris and past success alone.

Microsoft-
They did moderately well. The Halo 3 trailer looks beautiful, but I gotta say..I wish they would have put it off, the game is clearly nowhere near finished. I am now interested in Gears of War whereas I was not before. The biggest annoucment in my opinion, and one that almost levels the playing field instantly, was the newly split Grand Theft Auto liscense. If Microsoft were to make a bigger play towards Square-Enix, Sony would lose their third party edge completely. They come out of the conference in a good place..they have a jump start and with availability likely low from the other two this Christmas and their third generation of games coming, they can increase on this jump substantially. After the Christmas rush, these guys will have the biggest install base, a well established Xbox Live community, and the price tag that will appeal to people who still want the cutting edge experience, but see no reason to shell out more money for the PS3.

Nintendo-
In my opinion, these guys are the big winner of E3. They managed to generate excitement without giving too much more info away..we still don't know the price or launch date for their Revolution. What we do know is that they will be releasing a new Mario and Zelda game shortly, and for my money, no game or series has come close to the legacy in those two names. Nintendo will always have that. Other than that, we clearly have the most innovative competitor. Choosing to not go head to head with the other two in terms of technology, they go back to what makes games good: fun. I will certainly pick up this console, and hell..the name is even growing on me a little bit, but I'm still not comfortable saying it. Should be the cheapest console by far..anywhere from 199 to 250, and coming with a large fan base and great enthusiasm, we could be looking at a return of the company of the early 90s, when you didn't play videogames, you played Nintendo.

FINALE ALERT: GET YOUR ASS TO MARS

Veronica Mars Season 2 Finale in 10 minutes. See the best season in TV this year wrap itself up tonight..find out who blew up the bus..and where next season (which if my sources are correct, IS HAPPENING) will take us. Leave your thoughts even!

Lady in the Water

M. Night is an interesting specimen. Clearly talented, he has struck gold with the vastly overrated but passable Sixth Sense, made two masterpieces with Unbreakable and Signs, and shit the bed completely with The Village, which I refuse to even bold. His next movie (Lady in the Water), on a premise-al basis, does not seem to be terribly interesting, but this trailer does actually look pretty good. Paul Giamatti is of course Jesus Christ reborn, so I'll see this one anyway. Another good looking, stylistic, self indulgent and boring bed shitter, or M. Night going back to his making good movie days? Here's the trailer, you decide.

Shameless Plug and Ploy

Watch The Price is Right on May 12th, CBS, it comes on 10am Pacific Time I think. A guy from our group won a car!!! Dodge Magnum.

In other news: What the hell was up with the high body count Wednesday night. 2 died in Alias...Sdy's sister finally gets out of a coma to fall to her death from a piece of glass to the neck and Fake Sdy kills Renee with a lash to the thoart. It's a reunion party on Alias with Anna, Will, the sister, and Vaughn coming back and I am sure more people will continue dying.

Lost!!!: Micheal is bad. Well, he did seem a little remorseful so maybe he had to kill the two ladies arrested for DUI's to get Walt back as if that makes it okay but hey, they are Lord of the Flies-esque savages now. I am glad Ana Lucia is gone because I had no sympathy for her chip of the shoulder assaine attidude. And who cares about Libby, albeit sucks for Hurley.

Bond...James Bond?



So the teaser trailer for the new Bond relaunch starring Daniel Craig has hit the net. Now, I know the X3 trailer has been getting a lot of buzz as is the recently released Superman Returns trailer (that movie looks like its going to make a gajillion dollars), but I wanted to take some time out to comment on the Casino Royale teaser.

This semi-relaunch/semi-prequel is moving the Bond timeline back to the early days of his 007 career, and is loosely based on the first Bond book by Ian Fleming. Although, this movie still has Judi Dench playing "M" (wha?") and is being directed by Martin Campbell, who directed the last Bond relaunch Goldeneye. Outside of Craig, who is an interesting choice to say the least, the one thing that piques my interest is the harder edge they are taking to the Bond character. Apparently, the creative staff is making Bond more of cold blooded killer rather than a wise cracking super spy, which was something the original movies sort of created and never really existed in Fleming's books. The teaser shows shades of that already and I have to admit I am interested in seeing it.

Campbell has already proven he can direct action seeing as how Goldeneye was the last watchable Bond movie in the Brosnan era, and this movie looks to deliver the goods too. I am looking forward to the parkour (click if you don't know what that is) chase sequence and actually seeing Bond showdown with a villain in a casino instead of a poor man's Rambo shoot out that all the later Brosnan Bond movies were relying on far too much.

Anyway, let us know what you think, unless your thoughts involves something along the lines of "Oh, that guy they picked to be the new James bond isn't pretty enough!"

TEASER Trailer

The Rapaport Report

Sorry this edition of The Report is late, folks, but I'm still recovering from the season finale of The War At Home. Now the biggest news of the weekend might have come from this Stephen Colbert guy, who apparently has his own "Report" somewhere, and The 'Port is a big enough man to give him that. But a close second has to be the season finale of this year's breakout series. And needless to say, it wasn't just business as usual. Not that the episode eschewed its usual guffaw-enducing writing, but it remained funny while ramping up the gravity. The show never shied away from serious subjects before, but the season finale dealt with the core of the family relationship. Father/daughter moments, father/son moments, even mother/son moments (it did not stray into the realm of fiction with mother/daughter moments, thankfully). The primary story line involved Dave teaching Hillary to drive, and then taking responsibility with the cops when she does something irresponsible. Cue flashback scenes of Dave helping little Hillary with her first bicycle. In this cynical age, what show--what man--has the guts to portray outright sentimentality like this? Not Jim Belushi, that's for sure. And then young son Mike defrauds a credit card company in order to pay for his online gambling. Does Dave fly off the handle? Not at all. He turns it into a father/son bonding experience that brings them closer together, in the healthy venue of compulsive gambling. Rapaport knows how to be pro-family without the rote moralising you'd get from, say, Full House. The third story arc involves older son Larry's dream of going to Shakespeare Camp, and the disappointment that comes when Vicky forgets to send in his application. She attempts to reverse her mistake to no avail, and Larry is crushed. Young thespian Kyle Sullivan gives one of his finest performances in this episode, and his grief is heartwrenching. These two stories with the sons give some very important family lessons. The former: a parent may occasionally seem like a hypocrite, but Young Sir or Miss, you must listen to them nevertheless, for from their past mistakes comes wisdom. The latter: a parent may still make mistakes, even to your detriment, but they are human too and need your sympathy as you would have when your imperfections show. Teens in the audience were presented with a double whammy of in your face Enlightenment. You are not going to find this stuff covered on police or medical dramas, folks.

You see, what Rapaport brings to the table is not your run of the mill genius sit-com. It's also in many ways a guide to parenting, and a guide to life. Those who haven't seen the show may find that a bit grandiose, but those who watch The War At Home understand: the war on the outside reflects the turmoil of the love on the inside. It's only because he loves you that a son gets a credit card in your name. It's only because she loves you that your daughter welcomes your protection by getting your license suspended. I mean, these are simple lessons that should reverberate with everyone in a family. If you didn't understand what I was just talking about with the license, then it's not a matter of me as a writer providing enough context, it's a matter of you not having a complete soul. Fear not: reruns of this season begin June 4 (not sure if a whole month of waiting is necessary, FOX, but you're not exactly known for your benevolence with quality programming). Those of you who missed the first time around would do well to take this second chance. Life doesn't offer you redemption often, so be grateful. Or thankful. Either one is fine.

Pearl Jam - Reviewed!


Well it's about that time, a special time for me..you see, through some strange act of coincidence, a vast majority of bands that I like tend to release new work and tour during the same year, a vicious cycle if you will. This year, I look forward to new works from Tool, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Sonic Youth, Neil Young, and hopefully Radiohead. All of those guys plus Roger Waters of Pink Floyd on tour this summer makes Justin a very broke man. Pearl Jam holds a special place amongst this group however, as this summer brings me to my 11th, 12th, and 13th Pearl Jam show (with three more lingering as possibilities.) I love seeing this band live..every night before a show my jammer friend/concert partner in crime and I will make up our dream setlist and have a running count of how many songs are played that we haven't heard before. A major reason for my looking forward to summer is to see these guys live again. They may not be my "favorite" band per se, but nothing is like a PJ live experience..from the road trip, stereotypically listening to their past studio works and bootlegs, to the crappy mapquest directions, I live for this stuff. When Pearl Jam decides to release a new CD, that means a big tour. That time is now. This morning at midnight, Pearl Jam released their 8th studio album, which is self titled, but I will refer to as Avocado.

A disclaimer, if you haven't guessed already, this review comes from an unabashed fan.

This album kicks ass. Following up what I would say is my favorite Pearl Jam disc (Riot Act) was a tough job. This one, while taking a somewhat different approach, fits the bill nicely. The songs here are shorter and less experimental than the previous..let's say 5 albums. The band seems to be a more optimistic bunch this time, though for Pearl Jam, that isn't saying much. Death and regret are running themes here.

Some highlights -
-The single - World Wide Suicide - is their strongest since 98's Do The Evolution.
-The B-side to that single - Unemployable - is the strongest track on the album.
-Army Reserve is the best example of what I would say is old and new Pearl Jam coming together. It is a sound that they have never tried before but still sounds like classic Pearl Jam.
-Parachutes is the closest to a Beatles song structure that the Jam has ever made.
-If anything, the band seems to have found that groove they have been looking for.

The low lights?
-Comatose is a song that sounds much like Vitalogy's "Spin the Black Circle" --not my favorite track.
-Life Wasted ends too early..there is a solo that should have been rocked out..and this should have been in the middle of the album..which brings me to....
-pacing. It doesn't seem like much thought was put into bringing these songs into a whole package. We have some brilliant tracks, but the parts are greater than the whole in this case.
-I was a fan of the M.I.A. experimental leanings that the band has been exploring for the last 10 years.
-The producer, Adam Kaspar, has relegated Jeff Ament's bass to the background. Jeff isn't a wonderful player, but I think it changes the sound a bit too radically in some spots.

Overall, this is not their most solid effort, but even Pearl Jam's worst album stands head and shoulders above most of the absolute shit that gets passed as music today.

For a Pearl Jam album: 7.9/10
For a Rock album 9.0/10