Stealing Cable

Barely a (Early) Review: THE KINGDOM

2007-09-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

Peter Berg has had an interesting career. He's been acting for a long time appearing in films like COP LAND, SHOCKER, and COLLATERAL. Over the last 10 years he has also been putting together a strong filmography as a director. His first film, VERY BAD THINGS, was panned upon release but I've enjoyed it since the day I saw it on Thanksgiving 1998. Since his rookie effort, Berg has proven himself able to helm an action film with THE RUNDOWN and turn out a sports drama that stands apart from the usual COACH CARTER/GLORY ROAD-type stuff with FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS. Berg's newest film, THE KINGDOM, is his most ambitious and in my mind at this moment his best.

THE KINGDOM centers around 4 FBI Agents (Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Chris Cooper, and Jason Bateman) who enter "The Kingdom" of Saudi Arabia to investigate the bombing of an American housing compound. At first the agents find themselves hindered every step of the way by political (and cultural) red tape. Eventually they form an alliance with a Saudi police officer who is just as eager to find those responsible for the bombing.

I wouldn't label THE KINGDOM as an action movie. After the initial attack, the first 2 acts are centered heavily around the characters and their efforts to uncover all the clues they can in order to solve the crime. Luckily the strong cast keeps this aspect of the film engrossing. This pays off terrifically in the final 30 minutes when all hell breaks loose, leading to some of the most intense and well-staged action I've seen all year.

THE KINGDOM opens nationwide on September 28th. Please see this instead of that movie where The Rock is allergic to cinnamon.

Barely a Review: WAR

2007-08-25T13:18:00.001-07:00

One of the problems with being a fan of action films is that you really can't listen to critics. If you see an action flick get some bad early buzz it can always be chalked up to the fact that most licensed film critics are blowhards who don't know bunk about the genre. So when the bad word started to spread about the new Jet Li/Jason Statham pairing WAR I didn't bat an eye. Turns out this time the bad buzz was deserved.

On the surface WAR is right up my alley. It's about a hard boiled cop squaring off against a ruthless assassin while various Yakuza and Triad gangsters get caught in their crossfire. What could go wrong? Pretty much everything. Jet Li looks bored out of his mind through the whole film. It's hard to believe this is the same guy who delivered genuinely good performances quite recently in both UNLEASHED and FEARLESS. Statham fares a tad better. He gets the best sequence in the movie as he goes buckwild on a bunch of foes in a teahouse. But that was just a slight reprieve before it was time for the movie to continue sucking.

I probably could have forgiven a lot of what this film had to offer if it could have at least delivered a slam-bang final fight between Li and Statham. I don't think that's too much to ask from a movie titled WAR that features a poster in which the stars look as though they're going to do battle in UFC 786. But nope, when it's time for them to throw down it feels as if the fight ends before it even started. I haven't felt this gyped since Tyson/Spinks back in '88.

This movie gives WAR a bad name.

American Gladiators is BACK

2007-08-24T13:41:00.000-07:00

Around the time ESPN Classic started showing reruns of American Gladiators, I started to wonder why tv has waited so long to resurrect the show. Well, NBC has answered all our prayers. They are bringing the show back likely as a mid season replacement. Interestingly, they are going to follow the contestants more closely leading up to the actual bouts against the Gladiators and delve into interpersonal drama. I am not too excited about that part, but the fact the show is back makes me real happy.

Three things need to be maintained though.

1. The Theme music

2. The Gladiators with personality

3. And of course...NITRO

From his Wikipedia page, "Clark [Danny "Nitro" Clark] is also a mailman and often performs magic tricks." He truly is a jack of all trades!

Here's a link to the original Variety story.

Masters of Manualism

2007-08-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

No, this is not a post about hand jobs.

The art of Manualism is the fancy term for hand farting. You know there was always that one kid in elementary school, who ALWAYS got laughs for making farting noises as girls sat down or as the teacher was writing something on the board. Well, a few of those kids, who weren't beaten mercilessly by school yard bullies, honed their skills and turned their talent into a legitimate form of music.

After doing a Wikipedia search, the "gunecologist (aka Gerry Phillips) of YouTube" apparently isn't the only manualist out there, but damn it if he isn't the best one I have seen/heard. The guy can play "The Trooper" by Iron Maiden on his freaking hands! You also have to love his smirk on his face throughout every song. It looks like he thinks he is better than all of us...you know what though, he is.

I will embed some of my favorite hand renditions (including his version of Classical Gas, pun intended I guess!). You can follow the videos to his profile on youtube where he has about 40 or so videos of other famous songs.

Who Enjoys Killing Time?

2007-08-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought the Internet had run out of ways to distract you from accomplishing anything important in life, it gives us this. It's a new feature on the "Ebert and Roeper" website that allows you to watch all the reviews done on the program (including, of course, it's previous incarnation as "Siskel and Ebert") over the last 20 years. I've found it to be a seemingly endless treasure of joy.

For all the channels that now exist I've always loved this program because it's essentially bullshit-free movie talk. It doesn't delve into the stars' personal lives, it doesn't focus on the box office totals, it's just a couple of guys weighing in on the week's releases. I've had a real blast watching a lot of the "vintage" reviews. When I see Gene Siskel praise HARLEY DAVIDSON AND THE MARLBORO MAN I'm reminded of just why I miss him so. It's also quite a hoot to watch Ebert give thumbs down to the original DIE HARD and then watch as he not only gives thumbs up to DIE HARD 2 and WITH A VENGEANCE, but also ups his digit for both UNDER SIEGE films and SUDDEN DEATH.

Hopefully Ebert will make a miracle recovery from his current health problems and rejoin the program. I'm not a Roeper-hater as much as most movie geeks (So he didn't like FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, get over it dorks) but it's just not the same without Ebert around. The fill-in hosts have ranged from decent to stunningly awful. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the appearance of John "Cougar" Mellencamp as a guest host. I doubt he's ever seen a film he disliked.

Oh, and before you try searching the website for the show's review of PHAT BEACH I'll save you some time and advise you not to bother. I guess it was never screened for critics.

Madden...Good?

2007-08-18T16:42:00.000-07:00

So, I have spent the last 3-4 days delving into Madden '08 for the Xbox 360. Now, I know I said some scathing things about Tiburon and the Madden series a while ago and I still stand by those words. I do have to say though, they may be starting to right the ship finally.

Most reviews you read nowadays of sports games laud all the extraneous features in a game that really have little impact on the actual on field gameplay. Since we are in the "next-gen", people have faulted madden for not having all the extra shit that no one played with anyway, like Superstar mode, a deeper franchise mode, more useless knick knacks to collect, etc. Well, all that is back in the game now. But what is most notable to any actual football fan is the gameplay.

Madden feels like real football again. Offensive lineman pull out for counters and screens (i know! I didn't believe it either!). Running backs have to plant their feet to change directions and can't just repeatedly ram into the back of their o-line till they get through. The defense gang tackles. Hits are harder and more brutal. Corners make plays on balls. Long bombs are no longer guaranteed when the receiver is either owens/moss/johnson. 3rd/4th and 1 is no longer an automatic conversion by calling a hb/fb dive.

But what I think I enjoy the most is that teams/players play like their counterparts in real life. Playing with LT you feel like you can outrun, outquick, and outjuke anyone on the field...but more importantly you have faith that the left side of your o-line is going to be making massive holes for you. With the steelers, hines ward plays and feels like a possession receiver and not someone you throw bombs to. The inclusion of weapon designation for offensive and defensive players has really gone a long way in making the game a better representation of the NFL.

Of course, this is Madden so there are a lot of issues. Right now, most of what I have seen should be easily patchable. Fumbles and Interceptions happen WAY too easily. Granted, defense AI is just plain better so I need to make better decisions, but the fumbles happen for no reason and really screw up the flow of the game. Also, the online system is really buggy still, and EA once again did not give options for online leagues.

All things considered, this is probably the best madden I have played since the year before the passing cone was introduced. I think with some aftermarket tweaking it can be better. Compared to All-Pro Football 2k8 (which I have also played extensively), I still think Madden comes out on top gameplay wise. Granted, Tiburon has basically stolen everything that was great about the 2k engine and incorporated it. APF2k8's passing game is still beautiful to watch, though. Seeing the recievers go in and out of their cuts and the physics of the ball in the air just feel far better in APF right now (leading your recievers without completely changing their route in madden is still difficult), but otherwise it feels like a very rushed title. But HUGE kudos still in order for the online league support. 2k Sports has instituted a very deep online football experience for those who are interested.

This is the first year in a long time that I would recommend buying Madden and renting the 2k football title. Although it's not completely a level playing field, the video game football wars seems to be picking up again.

Superbad

2007-08-16T14:19:00.000-07:00

I'll cut to the chase right now. SUPERBAD is better than KNOCKED UP. The thing that bothered me about KU, yet seemed to be one of the positives for everyone else was that it got "too real" and "too preachy" by the end. All this growing up and maturing bullshit felt too chick flick for me. Apatow films (40 year old virgin and KU) seem to hit this wall about 3/4ths in where they stop being funny and start to get real.

Thankfully, SUPERBAD doesn't fall into the same trap. It is the great return of the American sex comedy. Now, I know American Pie used to be that, but that franchise is so run into the ground now that it has lost any luster it may have had when it initially came out. A ton of pretenders later and the teen sex comedy really needed another lift (erection joke!), and SUPERBAD is the Viagra.

There are some amazing set pieces and the entire movie's age old plot about high school kids getting booze/sex is carried out in two very entertaining and eventually intertwining ways. Evan and Seth (played brilliantly by Michael Cera and Jonah Hill) have the more grounded adventure leading them through some wild situations...but Christopher Mintz-Plasse (you need a hollywood name now dude), who played the instant movie icon Fogell aka McLOVIN was the real discovery. His wild escapade with the two loser cops (Seth Rogen and Bill Hader) trying to relive their youths through McLOVIN was amazing to watch and led to some of the movie's most memorable scenes.

Overall, this movie maintains the level of quality all the Apatow family films have had. It is amazingly quotable, hilarious, has heart, but unlike the other Apatow films it doesn't smack you over the head with the emotional message. I can't recommend this movie enough. Go watch it this weekend with your best friend before you head off to Dartmouth for college.

Barely a Review: THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM

2007-08-05T20:04:00.000-07:00

In all honesty I haven't been the biggest fan of the BOURNE franchise. They are often praised for being very realistic, gritty, and tense spy thrillers. I sort of like spy thrillers to have a bit more flash, but there's no denying that this series has been a huge success. I watched the first 2 recently and I still find THE BOURNE IDENTITY to be lacking in terms of suspense. THE BOURNE SUPREMACY was a step up and thankfully keeping Paul Greengrass on as director helps THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM maintains SUPREMACY'S tone while giving us even more knowledge as to how Jason Bourne became a deadly secret agent.

One of the gripes I have with the series is that it tends to get repetitive. There are so many scenes of various CIA bigwigs constantly telling their subordinates to "Find Bourne!" or "Have you found Bourne?" or "Why haven't you found Bourne?" There is a lot of that in ULTIMATUM but thankfully the film's last act shakes things up a bit and reveals quite a bit about Bourne's past. Those are the scenes that ultimately fulfilled me and cast the movie in a positive light.

There has been a lot of speculation as to whether this will be the last film in the BOURNE franchise. To that I say this: The movie made over $70 million in its first weekend. The speculation is over.

Shoot 'Em Up: My Dream Movie

2007-08-01T18:34:00.000-07:00

I have always told people that in a perfect world I would be a director. Most people who say that are often thought of as wanna be Hitchcocks, Scorceses, or Kurosawas. But for me, it's names like Woo, Chan, Hung, or McTiernan that float my cinematic boat. The two films that had the biggest impact on me were Jackie Chan's magnum opus "Drunken Master 2" and John Woo's ballistic ballet "Hard Boiled".

I still remember stumbling across a VHS copy of Drunken Master 2 at Suncoast motion picture company and spending 30 dollars for it about 12 years ago. Right from the opening fight sequence I felt like this was the movie I had been looking for all my life. This was the action cinema I always craved but only got flashes of on American screens.

If Drunken Master 2 was an epiphany, then "Hard Boiled" was a bullet in the head. I had seen John Woo's wonderful "The Killer" some time earlier and was pretty impressed with the overall story and cinematography. I loved the pistols akimbo style of Chow Yun Fat and his ability to be a ruthless hitman but also a loving boyfriend to a blind lady. All that was forgotten the minute the opening Tea House scene in "Hard Boiled" started. My jaw was on the ground at the carnage, the amount of ammo expended, the environmental damage, the amount of faceless goons being blown away, and how damn cool Chow Yun Fat looked throughout it all. Woo goes on to top every action scene with the next one, culminating in a legendary hospital shoot out. "Hard Boiled" is the quintessential action film. It is the barometer by which I measure all other action films. It is pretty much the reason I have/had any interest in pursuing a career in film making now or ever.

Anyway, now the long winded intro is over. Michael Davis' upcoming "Shoot 'Em Up" just released a red band trailer (adults only) on it's website. Long story short. It's brilliant. This may be that movie that finally makes good on all the inspiration John Woo has given the new generation of filmmakers. Too many have come and gone that looked to take what Woo had done and build upon it (I am looking at you Rob Rodriguez...has anyone noticed how different his style has gotten since Desperado, which is still EASILY his best movie?). Now of all people, Z-movie writer Michael Davis may be the one to do it. I guess we will all find out September 7th.

http://shootemupmovie.com/

Shaq vs. Obesity: Mission Accomplished

2007-08-01T18:22:00.001-07:00

Say what you will about "Shaq's Big Challenge", I think it turned out to be a fantastic, inspiring 6 episode series. It was able to walk the line between being too preachy and being too cutesy. Granted, they skipped like 5 months of training between the last two episodes, but boy did they get some results (which everyone expected...its TV!). Like I said in my original review of the show, I still applaud it for refraining from sugar coating the "failures" of the kids. They acknowledged that some kids didn't do as well as the others, but ultimately they all had a life changing experience.

There are a couple of things that become readily apparent though at the end of this show.

1. Shaq is probably going to be the most well loved athlete of all time when its all said and done. Sure Jordan and Ali are more recognizable, but Shaq is impossible not to love and has a sense of approachability about him that other superstars dont. And really, Jordan has historically shirked any social duty and has often been called out on it...while shaq is always on the forefront especially when it involves the kids.

2. Dale Brown is a fucking amazing speaker. Shaq called his old LSU head coach, Dale Brown, to join his team to help motivate kids and get his message of healthier living to the beuraucrats in Florida. At first glance, you feel like Brown would stick out like a sore thumb...but when he opens his mouth he makes you want to go to battle for him. Every time he spoke I felt connected to what he was saying. That man truly has a gift.

3. Walter needs his own show. This kid started as a video game addict and ended up losing 60 some pounds but had no problem staying a huge geek. He was obviously Shaq's favorite and consistently the most entertaining kid. He was very witty and totally genuine.

This was a great show, and I will miss it.

You'll Believe a Man Can Fly (While Wearing a Suit Made of Iron)

2007-07-29T20:47:00.000-07:00

With Comic-Con '07 all wrapped up there wasn't really a ton of big news in terms of what we can expect from geek cinema in 2008. From what I've read there was very little info on THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS, but to be honest I've sort of tuned out any Batman-related news. Until there's actual footage I just don't care.

Easily the big winner of the "creating buzz" award goes to IRON MAN. The film based on the Marvel character was already gaining steam by landing a cast of good actors including Jeff Bridges, Terrence Howard, and Robert Downey Jr. in the title role. Now thanks to director Jon Favreau we have footage from the film, and thanks to some guy who sneaked a camera into the convention that footage can be seen by everyone. There's really no other way to put it. This movie looks like a blast. So far it appears the film won't be as moody as DAREDEVIL or HULK and it won't be too prone to cheesy humor ala FANTASTIC FOUR.

IRON MAN is due to kickoff next year's Summer movie season on May 8th, 2008. Check out the Comic-Con footage here.

Roman Castle?

2007-07-22T22:28:00.000-07:00

According to a reliable source for Latino Review, Lionsgate has found their new Punisher. His name is Ray Stevenson and so far his biggest claim to fame is as playing Titus Pullo on the HBO series “Rome.” It was a few months back that former-Frank Castle Thomas Jane announced he was leaving a proposed sequel because of script problems. A lot of writers have been taking shots at the script and hopefully the casting of a new Punisher means those issues are done.

I’ve never seen “Rome.” I’ve heard it’s a good show but it’s just one of those programs I’ve never found the time to get into. Judging by a few photos I’ve seen of Stevenson he definitely seems to have the type of physical qualifications you’d want out of a Punisher. Though this news isn’t confirmed, it makes sense that this rumor would pop up now since the gigantic nerdfest Comic-Con (don’t take offense nerds, I’d probably go if I lived near San Diego) takes place this weekend. That’s a prime time for studios to unleash big news about comic-related films.

If you want a taste of what kind of damage Stevenson can do on screen check out this rather brutal clip from “Rome” here. Them Romans didn’t fuck around.

Justice for Bacon

2007-07-15T19:39:00.001-07:00

I have no doubt that getting a movie greenlit in Hollywood is extremely difficult. There's a lot to think about in terms of how much money it will make, what will the critics think, and what type of message will the film send. With that said I do believe DEATH SENTENCE was a slam dunk from the first pitch meeting. What studio in its right mind would say no to a film about Kevin Bacon slaughtering skinheads. The answer as I see it: None.

In DEATH SENTENCE Bacon plays a typical loving husband and father whose life is suddenly thrown for a loop after a senseless act of violence. This puts him on a course to both protect what's left of his family and seek vengeance for what he has already lost. Along the way he'll run into an arms dealer played by John Goodman and by the looks of the trailer he'll send many Aryan punks straight to hell.

Hopefully Bacon will do enough ass kicking in this one to make up for the fact that he appeared opposite Queen Latifah in BEAUTY SHOP.

DEATH SENTENCE has seemingly come out of nowhere and is set for release on August 31st. Check out the trailer here.

Barely a Review: TRANSFORMERS

2007-07-08T16:32:00.001-07:00

The summer movie season hit its apex last week with the release of TRANSFORMERS. Much like the last film I barely reviewed, LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD, TRANSFORMERS is fine for what it is but is completely disposable once the end credits start rolling.

Technically TRANSFORMERS has a plot. It involves some busted eyeglasses and the fate of mankind but all anyone cares about is seeing robots destroy shit. On that level the movie works. Michael Bay is definitely in his element here and does a fine job blending computer effects with real environments. For a film that is CGI-heavy it doesn't have that distracting video game feel to it.

There are humans in the film. Most of these humans are recognizable actors who you have seen in other films and TV shows. But there's nobody to really give a snot about. They say their lines, they look in amazement at the robots, and most of them pull that off adequately enough. Though in the end the cast of INDEPENDENCE DAY looks like the The Royal Shakespeare Company in contrast.

So if you like pretty colors and loud noises, which we all do by the way, then check out TRANSFORMERS. I can't imagine wanting to view it more than once, but as a one-shot exercise of empty thrills it goes down fairly smooth.

Fixing the NBA...

2007-06-30T14:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, I watch sports.

Ok, now that that's outta the way. Lets get right into it. The NBA sucks balls right now. I think the fact that Kobe and the draft were the two biggest stories DURING the playoffs (after the warriors got eliminated) attests to that. The spurs are a great team. But they are boring as shit to watch, and Cleveland's plan of "hoping Lebron can score through double and triple teams" didn't help things either. I am no sports blogger (you can find much better ones at AOL Fanhouse, Deadspin, etc...just google them, I am too lazy to hyperlink), but I think there is a real simple solution to the lackluster NBA and all we have to do is look to a couple decades ago.

The NBA needs to merge with the AND 1 mixtape tour. Like the ABA before it, the NBA looks down on the looser, some say rule-less play of the AND 1 tour, but you know what it is fucking fun to watch. Like the ABA before it, there are several colorful personalities in AND 1 that already outshine the boring basketball machines in the NBA. I think the sooner David Stern comes to this realization the better basketball will be for it.

For those that are unfamiliar with the AND 1 mixtape tour, its basically a showcase of the best "street ballerz" in the land going at an established team of veterans across the country and recently the world. It wasn't until the AND 1 tour went global did I realize a merger could work. In the foreign lands, the AND 1 players went up against a lot of the pro players from those countries. Granted, Australia's pro league doesn't hold a candle to the NBA skill level, but the simple fact was that the AND 1 team can play legit ball with the best of them if they want to.

This isn't just about dunking either, although the AND 1 tour would reignite the Dunk Contest. After Dwight Howard's robbing last year, it is clear that the NBA just wants to kill the contest again. But you throw in people like "The Air Up There" aka Mr. 720, Spyda, 50, and the likes and you have an entertaining contest. The AND 1 guys also have some of the best handles ever. Yes, a lot of what they do is traveling and/or carrying, but when is the last time you saw carrying called consistently in the NBA? All of the stuff that Hot Sauce does is mostly legal by NBA rules.

Frankly, based on how the draft turned out, you could just replace the eastern conference of the NBA with And 1 players and you would automatically make everything more competitive. Imagine Hot Sauce going after Bruce Bowen. Imagine the Professor trying to take Steve Nash to school. Imagine The Air Up There dunking on Duncan. Imagine Escalade...um sitting on the bench.

Imagine the greatest announcing duo EVER doing play by play and color...Marv Albert and Duke Tango. They could have "Oh BABY!" offs. BTW, Duke tango is the greatest color guy to ever do basketball.

No matter what they say, pro basketball is a very closed community. If you dont go to a competitive prep school you wont get recruited by the big name college programs. If you dont play in a Division I A school you probably will go undrafted. So unless you are put on the path early on, a lot of quality players will fall by the wayside, which is why I think you are seeing such a huge amount of talent in the current AND 1 mixtape tour. This is an idea that could save basketball plain and simple. And just for reference, there have been several And 1 players that have made the jump to the NBA and done well. Most notably And 1 legend "skip to my lou" aka Rafer Alston and Carlos Arroyo aka "Carlos Arroyo", so it could happen.

Make it happen stern!

P.S. I have embedded some of the better AND 1 highlights for the uninitiated.

Die Hard?

2007-06-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

I'll give Len Wiseman credit for this...he directed a helluva first 40 minutes. I really enjoyed Live Free or Die Hard (LFoDH) through its reintroduction of McClane and to Justin Long's character. The first shootout at Long's apartment was really quite nice.

The movie basically went off the rails though when McClane drives an SUV from a parking garage somehow into the 4th floor control room of a power plant. I was willing to forgive all the techno-babble that allowed the Long's hacker character to maintain communications through a variety of means but the van thing was ludicrous. The following hanging truck scene was also unnecessary...and after thinking about it I realized it was done better by Spielberg in Jurassic Park 2.

After the aforementioned sequence, LFoDH stopped being a Die Hard movie and became Wiseman's exercise in blowing shit up. Granted he did it well, but having John McClane fight an F-35 jet is stupid, and that entire sequence with the jet looked like it had almost been lifted from True Lies.

I know I am not the only one who has thought this, but the main problem with the way the script handles the action is that it treats McClane like a superhero. He falls long distances and gets up with a slight limp, he fights jets and wins, etc. That is not Die Hard, or at least why we all loved the first one. Granted, the series got more and more cartoony as it progressed, but was always grounded in some sense of realism, which was totally lacking in the 4th installment.

Although, it seems like it has been so long since the first Die Hard came out, and a decade since the third film people probably don't even remember why they liked the first 3. All that is remembered is that John McClane is a bad ass and "Yippie Ki Yay Motherfucker!" or the various cable tv edits of the famous line.

With that said, this Pg-13 installment definitely felt like an R-rated movie. I did kind of feel that it would have been better if McClane used more F-bombs to describe the terrorists rather than "jerk off", which he used too much. If you actually sit down and rewatch "Die Hard" unedited, you might actually have forgotten how much great cursing there was in that film.

Anyway, overall if I had to rate it, I would give it a 6. Much better than I thought it ever could be, but a big knock on it forgetting why the first movie is so revered.

Barely a Review: LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD

2007-06-27T21:22:00.000-07:00

I don't know what bugs me more. The fact that LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD isn't a great film, or the fact that it doesn't suck ass. It's in that vast category known as okay. It's fine for a what it is, a big loud summer action film. But as the 3rd sequel in the greatest action franchise ever it's easily the Fredo. If you're wondering, DIE HARD is Michael, DIE HARDER is Sonny, and WITH A VENGEANCE is Tom Hagen.

The film's main saving grace is Bruce Willis. He may not be able to say fuck but all the other looks and nuances of John McClane are here. I am stunned to say that Justin Long holds his own as the computer hacker who helps McClane save society from crumbling. Beyond those 2 the film excels at serving up a lot of entertaining stunts and fight scenes. All things being equal I'd rather see McClane shoot more people in the head, but he's able to dish out a lot of carnage as the film unfolds.

The main weak link is Timothy Olyphant as McClane's new nemesis. There are moments where you think he'll be a viable threat, but he also whines too much at the first sign of trouble. I like my villains with a healthy supply of confidence. Also, the scenes of various Federal agents trying to make heads or tails of what's going on have no life at all. It really makes you appreciate what having actual well-developed supporting characters meant to the original film.

Should you see this film? I suppose so. After last summer's offerings of X3, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3, and SUPERMAN RETURNS at least LIVE FREE has a lot of exciting moments and a hero you can root for. Though you may not be rooting quite as hard as you did during the previous DIE HARDS.

Shaq-Fu vs. Obesity: Whoever wins, we lose...weight

2007-06-26T20:39:00.000-07:00

So, Shaquille O'Neal's new tv show premiered tonight on ABC. "Shaq's Big Challenge" chronicles a 6 month journey where Shaq and a team of doctors, trainers, and nutrionists try to get 6 dangerously overweight kids back in shape. Also, Shaq will practically be trying to cure childhood obesity by himself on a governmental level.

The main reason I watched (and will continue to watch) is for Shaq. If you are a fan of his "Shaq-isms" then this show will not disappoint. He had 3-4 lines during episode 1 that had me doubled over e.g. Calling out black people on only knowing the melody, not the words to "white songs", the example he was using the "Cheers" tv theme song.

After watching one episode though, the kids definitely have very unique personalities and will probably make this show all the more enjoyable to watch. And so far at least, they haven't resorted to too many artificial tear jerk moments or fabricated pseudo-reality tv situations. They seem to be documenting how difficult this thing is going to be. And yes, they are working with the parents as well to fix these kids habits at home.

I really hope others will watch this show because it is actually pretty entertaining and ultimately is for a good cause.

"Shaq's Big Challenge" is on ABC at 9pm on Tuesday nights.

Dolph Lundgren Potpourri!

2007-06-24T20:39:00.000-07:00

There has been so much Dolph Lundgren news the past few days that it's hard to keep up with it all. So here are a few items in rapid fire succession.

Will Ferrell accepted an award from Spike TV recently and thanked Mr. Lundgren for his support. The clip of his speech is amazing for a few reasons. First, Ferrell is a riot and second the award is presented by Paul Reubens as Pee-Wee Herman. I can't remember the last time Reubens got into that outfit, aside from when he lures children over to his house.

You can see that clip here.

Next, Lundgren participated in a celebrity boxing match for Russian television against former UFC fighter and actor Oleg Taktarov. Unlike those crappy American celebrity boxing matches there's no sissy-ass headgear.

Check the 5-round fight out starting here and ending here.

Finally, and dare I say most importantly, the website for Lundgren's 3rd film as a director is up and running. It's titled MISSIONARY MAN and it finds Lundgren as a mysterious figure who helps out Native Americans and kills dirty rotten bikers. There isn't much to the site yet, but there is a trailer. Check it out here.

Jumping on the Hay Wagon

2007-06-17T23:14:00.000-07:00

While I am definitely looking forward to 3:10 TO YUMA as well, there's another Western on the horizon piquing my interest at least as much: NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, based on the excellent novel by Cormac McCarthy and written/directed by no less than Joel and Ethan Coen. While I enjoy their comedies (dark and not-so-dark alike), their return to hard-boiled, violent drama feels overdue, and they couldn't have picked a better story to adapt. Having read the book but not seen the movie, it's hard to provide even an opening sketch of the film for certain. It looks to be a fairly faithful adaptation, though, so I'll give it a shot (avoiding spoilers at all costs, of course): the Tex-Mex border, in or around 1980...so not long after Vietnam and still a bit away from our great technological age...a drug deal gone wrong, and something of a blue collar townie stumbles upon the site...a not-your-everyday cold-blooded killer on the loose, with a job and a mission, not necessarily the same things...and a dedicated sheriff turned philosophical, due to this seemingly new breed of violence and greed.

The townie is played by Josh Brolin, who I'm not going to call under-rated because he really hasn't done much of note (though he was strong in GRINDHOUSE, for all the camp of his story)...still, I'm wagering he's a more capable actor than his resume may show. The killer is played by the chameleonic Javier Bardem, who's been a foreign and art film favorite for quite a few years now, and he's already getting some pretty strong acclaim for this too. The sheriff is played by Tommy Lee Jones, an obvious choice and with good reason. His near-perfect directorial debut from a couple years back, THE THREE BURIALS OF MELQUIADES ESTRADA, was similarly a thoughtful, sometimes-brutal "modern" Western. Along with Chris Cooper, maybe Billy Bob Thornton, and very few others, Jones knows how to play these old world honorable, simple-but-never-stupid men steeped in heroic cowboy/Americana lore...the world has left them behind, it seems, but they'll keep on keepin' on as only they've known to all their lives. One can count on Jones to never over-simplify them or play them as mere archetype.

The movie isn't set for wide release until November 21, which is quite a ways away, but the trailer is out now. I have quite high hopes, as is pretty evident I'm sure, and the trailer does everything to support them.

Trailer: 3:10 TO YUMA

2007-06-17T21:35:00.001-07:00

Coming on the heels of the excellent AMERICAN GANGSTER trailer is another trailer featuring Russell Crowe. The film is 3:10 TO YUMA and it's a remake casting Crowe as a brutal outlaw who is set to stand trial. Christian Bale plays a rancher who finds himself given the task of escorting Crowe to court. Along the way he'll have to fend off various members of Crowe's gang who attempt to free their leader.

It looks like a solid western, something that we don't see too much of these days. Every now and again you'll get a small flick that comes and goes (I'm thinking of SERAPHIM FALLS) but you'd have to go back to OPEN RANGE to find the last western that caught on at all with the public. Hopefully the star power in YUMA can get a few folks into the theater. It will probably depend on whether it opens the same weekend as some shitty horror film.

3:10 TO YUMA is scheduled to open on October 5th. Check out the trailer here.

So Long to the First Family of Television

2007-06-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

It’s over. 8 years of brutal murders, a marriage built on lies, and many scenes involving strippers came to an end tonight as “The Sopranos” concluded its spectacular run. After the bloodshed that marked the series’ penultimate episode many were expecting this finale to make SCARFACE look like a game of Uno. In the end, with the exception of a crushed head, the show went out with what could best be described as a tense-calm.

Tony and his family will live on to keep making the same mistakes they always have. It’s the audience who is forced into closure. We’re the ones who will be trying to find a fitting close to these characters’ arcs. I don’t know what the overall reaction to the finale will be in the mass media, though my guess is it will be a Seinfeldian “That’s it?” response. I say fuck that, this show has never made things easy so why let it end that way?

“The Sopranos” is the show that made me believe in dramatic television. The big offerings of the 90’s like “NYPD Blue” and “ER” never grabbed me. I recall blind-buying the first season of “The Sopranos” on DVD and I was hooked from then on. TV has changed in a huge way since “The Sopranos.” It wasn’t the first dramatic show to come from HBO but it was one of the first to make its mark in the DVD age. This was key because no longer did you need to have pay cable to enjoy the program. If you walk the aisles of any Best Buy and linger at all the shows available on disc you can see its impact in spades.

There is a bit of sadness at the idea that I’ll never see Tony, Paulie, Christopher, Sil, and the rest of the gang hanging out at the Bing. But that sadness fades when I think about how television has embraced so many shows since “The Sopranos” premiered. From “The Shield” to “The Wire” to “Rescue Me” the spirit of “The Sopranos” will keep going strong.

Trailer: AMERICAN GANGSTER

2007-06-06T19:41:00.000-07:00

Remember when the summer was the time to get excited about movies? I'm not sure when that ended for me but this summer's crop of blockbusters smells of ass. When I think of the films I'm anticipating most for the rest of the year they're basically all due to come out in the fall. Chief among them is the Denzel Washington/Russell Crowe crime drama AMERICAN GANGSTER.

The last time Denzel and Crowe tangled together we ended up with VIRTUOSITY. Yeah, I know, we were all burned by that one. But a lot has happened since then. Both actors have developed into the best of what their craft has to offer. Oh, and this movie is directed by Ridley Scott. That's a slight step up from Brett Leonard.

In the film Washington plays Frank Lucas, a real life drug lord who smuggled heroin into America using the coffins of dead soldiers during the Vietnam war. Crowe portrays the lawman hot on Lucas' trail. The stacked supporting cast includes Cuba Gooding Jr. (stop laughing), Carla Gugino, Josh Brolin, Idris Elba, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and everyone's favorite genital tucker Ted Levine.

The movie is set to open in November. Check out the fantastic trailer here.

Jericho may Skeet Skeet again!

2007-06-06T00:18:00.000-07:00

If any of you remember the Stealing Cable podcast, the recent news about CBS's impending renewal of Jericho may remind you about a topic of conversation that often popped up in several episodes. Taking a more intelligent perspective on primetime viewership. We often debated how accurate the Nielsen's were when they really weren't factoring in Tivo/DVR usage, network website viewing, and of course Bit Torrent downloads.

Outside of the bit torrent thing, it seems like CBS is the first to embrace alternate viewing strategies when it comes to counting viewership. I gotta applaud them and say it's about damn time. As an avid Tivo user, its nice to know that someone will actually be paying attention to the several million of us out there.

Anyway, I will link to the Ain't It Cool story that has collected multiple sources pretty much confirming that JERICHO WILL BE BACK. Likely with a smaller cast given the awkward renewal time, probably a midseason replacement, probably 8 episodes initially, but most importantly fans of the show will get some answers.

There were a ton of news stories about the crazy fan campaigns to save the show, but I really didn't bother to cover them because I felt that it had no shot at working. Thankfully, I was wrong to not pay more attention to the efforts.

Link to the AICN story explaining this all.

Official Shoot 'Em Up Trailer

2007-06-06T00:10:00.000-07:00

Man, this has been a busy news day for fans of Stealing Cable...or maybe just me.

After the world finished processing the awesomeness of a director's cut of Commando coming out later this year, IGN played host to the first official trailer to Shoot 'Em Up.

If you aren't familiar with the film, I don't blame you. But it made a pretty huge splash on the internet as early as almost 2 years ago based on a several minute long animatic that director Michael Davis was shopping around to studios. Latino Review got a hold of it and posted it online. It was a hyperkinetic homage to the films of John Woo with some very overt references to Hard Boiled.

The project was greenlit. Clive Owen signed on. Monica Bellucci signed. Paul Giamatti signed. Filming began. A promo reel was released some time ago, which we posted here a couple months ago. It looks fantastic. I will embed it below.

This is definitely a movie to watch out for this fall.

Here I will link to IGN's exclusive trailer, which is actually pretty similar to the promo reel.

Come September, I Can Die (just kidding God): Commando THE DIRECTOR'S CUT

2007-06-05T23:57:00.000-07:00

HERE COME THE SANDWICHES!!!

I guess my last post was coincedentally appropriate.

FINALLY, someone got their act together and put together a special edition of one of my all time favorites, COMMANDO. This will be the director's cut with about 5 minutes of additional footage! Tons of behind the scenes stuff. The works.

September 18th, every member of CommandoFans.com's DVD collections will be complete.

Here is a more complete rundown of the features

Also, for fun here is a link to the current thread at CommandoFans.com discussing this monumental news. Please be careful, these guys really, really, REALLY like Commando.

Have Sword, Will Travel: VERNON WELLS IS BACK

2007-06-04T23:44:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen Commando (A Mark L. Lester Film), please stop reading this hilarious blog and go watch it right now...

Ok, seen it? Good.

Remember Bennett (ha, how could you not!), he was played by Australian mega star Vernon Wells. He has carved out quite a niche for himself in the world of B and sometimes Z grade movies since he hit it big in the mid 80s.

I am happy to say that HE IS BACK.

Thanks to self proclaimed "sword master" Bobby Lento's action adventure series through time, Have Sword will Travel, Vernon Wells has returned to play super villian Ruby Slayer.

I will embed a couple videos later on in this post, but yes it is as terrible as it sounds. My colleague Chris has described it being like "porno without the fucking". Very true. But ultimately, it is good to see Vernon back in action.

Now to the videos...

Here is a highlight of Bobby Lento's greatest county fair shows...

Here is part 1 of possibly the greatest Vernon Wells interview ever (Mr. Lento disabled embedding, bastard!)...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsiODwDGvxU

And finally, one installment of "Have Sword, Will Travel" (no im not quite sure how we go from the "castle" set to a 1980s warehouse in the blink of an eye or why the "profesor" looks like a ZZ Top roadie)...

Barely a Review: KNOCKED UP

2007-06-03T20:03:00.000-07:00

KNOCKED UP is the funniest movie since BORAT. Now BORAT was only released 7 months ago, but whatever, it's still the truth. Judging by the trailers that played in front of KNOCKED UP we are in for a slew of comedies over the rest of the year. I doubt any of them will be packed with as many memorable lines, and honest to God heart, as can be found in KNOCKED UP.

After many supporting turns on TV and film, Seth Rogen shows he's got both the comedic timing and the charm to be a leading man. Katherine Heigl is more than just window dressing here. Her role as a suddenly pregnant career woman has far more depth than one would expect from a typical comedy. Rogen and Heigl are backed up nicely by a terrific cast, most notably Paul Rudd who nails his part as Heigl's brother-in-law who offers Rogen a lot of insight as to what to expect from fatherhood.

Heigl's character works for the E! channel which leads to a whole slew of celebrity cameos. There's also a lot of familiar faces who pop up in all sorts of different roles. I will say I was quite saddened that at no time did Heigl have her Uncle Casey show up to lend his support and guidance.

Unleashed: How did I miss this one?!

2007-06-01T16:42:00.001-07:00

Louis Letterier is for real ladies and gentleman. Before popping Unleashed into my DVD player yesterday, I thought Letterier was basically a Luc Besson-lite, who will go on making cartoony, yet enjoyable action flicks like the Transporter series for the rest of his career.

After seeing Unleashed, I think the guy has clearly matured as an action filmmaker and is able to take the Besson formula (outcast male lead, gets mixed up somehow with a damsel/person in distress, then has to fight to protect her/them) and make it feel fresh again.

Also, Jet Li can act! I have seen all his classics and enjoyed his work, but outside of his physical prowess, I wasn't very impressed. And now, with his back being very injured, he uses a lot of stunt doubles in his movies, which takes his one asset out of the equation. But in Unleashed, he had an opportunity to play a really different role, Danny the Dog, and had some really solid character work throughout. While the middle portion slows down as they delve into Danny's attempt to find himself again with the help of a blind piano tuner (morgan freeman) and his white stepdaughter, it is still pretty enjoyable to watch even if he isn't kicking that much ass. With all that acting though, Jet Li's surprisingly girly voice becomes really obvious.

But, the real star of the film is the action. I respect Yuen Wo Ping, the choreographer for Unleashed and countless other classic Hong Kong epics, but his wire-fu techniques have been played out for the past 6-7 years. I have maintained that few movies he has done that aren't wuxia (films basically set in Ancient china with superpowered hero stuff i.e. Crouching tiger) have had some really excellent fight work. In Unleashed, he stays grounded in reality, which means minimal wire work. All the fight scenes were very nitty gritty, but clearly had the Wo Ping touch when it came to the complexities of the choreography. The close quarters fight Jet has with the man in white INSIDE A EUROPEAN BATHROOM was breathtaking.

I also gotta give credit to Letterier for shooting the fight scenes perfectly. I enjoy piling on Tarantino whenever I have the chance, so this is where I say that the Kill Bill movies were pretty sub-par for me. They were marketed as action extravaganzas, and the action was probably the worst part of both movies. The House of Blue Leaves sequence, choreographed by Wo Ping, and full of dismemberments was shot so unintelligibly that I had no idea what was going on most of the time. Now compare that to how the bathroom fight was shot in Unleashed. Wide shots, very few quick cuts, etc. You can see the fighters go at it. I guess its just an American thing. They dont know how to shoot "Asian" action.

I can't say enough about the action in Unleashed. It was some really top notch work and I am surprised it didn't get more buzz when it was out in theaters. I can safely say Unleashed is Jet's BEST American movie since his idiotic debut in Lethal Weapon 4. And all things considered, it can probably hold its own against some of his Hong Kong work too. I give this film the highest possible recommendation.

The Rock Gives Up.

2007-05-28T21:14:00.000-07:00

There was a time after THE RUNDOWN was released that it looked like The Rock was ready to tackle the action genre by storm. The movie wasn't a huge success but it did a lot to show that he could headline a film that didn't involve him being shirtless ala THE SCORPION KING. Sadly, since THE RUNDOWN The Rock has turned out a whole slew of tired films. Now it appears things are only getting worse with The Rock's next movie, THE GAME PLAN.

In THE GAME PLAN The Rock plays a pro quarterback who finds himself saddled with a daughter he never knew existed. This leads to many wacky moments involving The Rock trying to cope with his new status as a father. You know things are gonna get wacky in the trailer because a James Brown song starts up about midway through.

I have no problem with The Rock not wanting to be typecast as an action actor. What I don't get is why that means he has to make total shit. It's often true, as in the case of THE PACIFIER, that total shit can make a lot of money at the box office but it could end up being at the expense of fans who will now be less interested in seeing him beat dudes up.

This is where I normally like to link to a trailer that I've been talking about but I'll spare you that here. Odds are if you go to the movies this summer you'll see THE GAME PLAN'S trailer before its September release. No need for you to waste your time watching it now.

Supernatural Season 2: Cowboys and Zombie Indians

2007-05-24T20:19:00.000-07:00

After finishing the second season of Supernatural, I think I have figured out why I like it so much. The world of the occult, zombies, vampires, demons, magik (not a typo), etc. has been so inherently European in the past. I can only think of the terrible "John Carpenter's Vampires", "Lost Boys" (to some extent), and maybe some aspects of Buffy being more American takes on the subject matter (although all the examples are very vampire related).

Supernatural is like a real grade A American take on the occult. Muscle cars, check. Hard Rock, check. Cowboys, check. Hot chicks, check. Big guns, check. The way that Eric Kripke and Robert Singer have managed to work things like Samuel Colt into the mythology of the show gives it a very American feel, which gives everything a fresh feel. Mix in Buffy-esque humor, intelligent homages, and some general ass kicking you have a winning formula.

I applaud the show for putting what seems like a definitive stamp on the yellow eyed demon plot line that has been dangling throughout season 1 and 2, and not leaving us with a big cliffhanger. While the 2-part finale was tense and exciting, it almost felt anti-climactic by the end of it. I did really enjoy the short return of Papa Winchester, played excellently by Jeffrey Dean Morgan (yes that dude who was on Grey's Anatomy for some time). There are many seeds planted for where the show can go in season 3, but we also got some significant closure. That is a rarity in TV nowadays.

Supernatural is easily one of the most underrated shows on television along with Friday Night Lights. If you are a fan of Buffy, Evil Dead, or just the sci-fi genre you really should give this show a chance on DVD. If you aren't hooked by the middle of season 1, then you probably don't like good TV.

Run McT-MC

2007-05-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

This news really excited me. John McTiernan has been tapped to direct "Run" starring Karl Urban (I think he was moromir or boromir or one of the riders of rohan or whatever in Lord of the Rings).

Now, when the man who directed two of the most perfect action films ever, Die Hard and Predator, signs on to a new action flick I take notice. But I was even more intrigued when the Variety store brought to my attention by Ain't It Cool News mentioned that the script has approximately 100 pages of nothing but CAR CHASES! Now that is sweet.

While McT's recent efforts haven't changed cinema as we know it, they have been decent films (lets pretend Basic and Rollerball never happened). When you factor in this script, this director, and a non-household name actor, I think there is a chance for something special here.

Heroes: The only show that can turn Shaft into a pussy

2007-05-24T19:33:00.000-07:00

My thoughts on Heroes have been a long time coming. My friends over at CHUD just posted a real scathing review of Heroes, which I am all for. Devin Faraci, a CHUD dude, pretty much laid down the gauntlet and said it like it is. You can check it out here

As for my thoughts, it basically comes down to this. Nothing you ever liked or thought was cool about Heroes is original. Plain and simple. Tim Kring and his stable of hacks have proceeded to lift multiple well known stories and multiple major superhero powers over the past season. Just to name a few...(Possible spoilers)

Linderman's plot - direct rip from Ozymandius' plot in the seminal piece of comic book work, WATCHMEN (if you want to read good superhero drama, read this book now). BTW, how did Linderman an apparent former do-gooder type become the head of a casino and apparently an organized crime syndicate? They made no attempt to explain his motives. They just used him as a bad guy most of the season, then all of a sudden he is a former hero gone over the edge/evil genius?

5 years in the future - multiple rips from Chris Claremont's brilliant "Days of Future Past" storyline on his legendary run with X-men

Hiro's bullshit sword quest - EVERY LAZY COMIC BOOK WRITER EVER...seriously, you are going to do a "it was never about the sword, the power was always in you" storyline...FUCK YOU.

Hiro dropping into Kensei's time - go watch Evil Dead II then Army of Darkness

And that is just a short list I just came up with right now. If I felt like digging deeper, it would be much longer.

As for the characters, 90% of them are idiotic. Nikki/Jessica still makes no sense after one full season of Ali Larter's brilliant performances. Who is powerful? Can Nikki now control jessica? What the hell is up with the mirrors? Ah...who cares. She is a terrible character.

Hiro, the one the geeks find most interesting. Is the most cliched character in the show. And his dad purposely being a jerk to him to test him was one of the stupidest and once again biggest cliches I have ever seen. And seriously Sylar, all of a sudden you decide to let Hiro stab you? Before you froze his fucking sword! Now he just runs at you all fairy like and stabs you so easily?

Nathan Petrelli and Parkman are probably the only interesting characters. I liked the conflicted Nathan. His arc was probably the only decent one over the season. And I am pretty sure he will be back. Parkman was also great because he was such a loser and in many ways still is even though he has this super power.

The cheerleader is stupid. I hate her. I hate everything about her. I hope I never see that Haitian dude again. At times I wish he would mind wipe me so I would forget some of the time I wasted on this show. Her storyline along with Horned glasses dude was so unnecessarily convoluted and drawn out.

I think the moment that really really really bothered me the most was in the season finale when Shaft, for a reason they decided WAS NOT IMPORTANT, begins talking to Peter in the flashback. What he said, almost made me vomit. Its all about love? What the hell is that? Screw you Tim Kring for turning Shaft into a girl. And fuck Peter Petrelli. I dont care about you. You have all the power in the world, yet you continue to act like a bitch.

And...whatever, I am tired of skewering the specifics of the show.

It comes down to this. Heroes started out slow as shit. It is no coincidence that as once it started to get real interesting, it started to steal more and more from popular comic books. I am not quite sure why geeks have not caught onto this. I can understand soccer moms and the like eating this stuff up because they are very interesting stories that they have never been exposed to. And they STILL don't do it well. But where is the geek outcry? Instead, geeks are eating it up just as much as the gilmore girl watchers...peter has a cool scar in the future!!! But wait cant he heal...ah who cares, it makes him look bad ass!

All the chances the creative staff had to take things down an original route or interesting path were wasted. They had legitimately good setups early on in the season, but they chose to take the easy way out and copy someone else's work.

I know this was scathing, but I think the show deserved it. I just don't feel its right for it to get away with robbery and not catch any heat for it.

Die Hard...On a bus

2007-05-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

You know with the age of the internet upon us, it seems like print advertising is coming to a close. Thankfully though, in bigger cities like LA or NYC there are still a lot of billboard posters, bus stop ads, etc.

Right now in Los Angeles, there is a poster running on the side of Metro Buses for "Live Free or Die Hard" that may just be the greatest thing ever.

Unfortunately, a google search turned up nothing, and I am not ambidextrous enough to take a picture with my cellphone while trying to drive as these buses go by.

The gist is this.

Long banner poster alongside a bus. It reads:

"YIPPIE KI YAY MO" (the rest gets "cut off" due to the banner not being long enough)

and underneath ala quoted bible verses, it says "John 6:27".

Now, LFODH is rated PG-13, but Bruce has assured us in his aintitcool talkbacking that the line is spoken. Either way, being the die hard nut that I am, that poster really got me excited to see Die Hard 1-3 again. Still not too excited to see 4, but I feel obligated to the franchise to see it. Who knows, maybe Len Wiseman actually pulls it off...

EDIT: Thanks to CHUD.COM we got the ad up now.

JOHN RAMBO...'nuff said

2007-05-20T00:25:00.000-07:00

You know, I don't think I need to explain to you guys that there is an upper echelon of action film stars the likes of which we will never see again. I am talking about Arnold, Bruno, and of course Sly Stallone. For whatever reason, Hollywood just doesn't promote these types anymore nor do they greenlight the types of scripts that made those guys famous.

Luckily, someone put a lot of faith in Stallone's "Rocky Balboa" and got that brilliant movie made, giving a fitting end to the Rocky series. Now, I think the fruits of Rocky VI's success is paying off.

What we have here is possibly the greatest promo reel/trailer ever created. And I am not being hyperbolic here.

Sly is at the Cannes film festival showing this promo reel to all the film distributors, who are living it up on the French Riviera right now. I can only imagine that it is blowing people away. At times, this promo reel seems to be evoking a real grindhouse feel...but most importantly it seems like Sly has found the perfect combination of First Blood and Rambo: First Blood part II. Some interesting character work shown off in the beginning, and then of course the gore kicks in. I have never really had a chance to see Stallone direct real action, seeing as how all his non-Rocky action flicks were all directed by others. But judging from this promo, Stallone has picked up a few new tricks.

Without further ado, I give you "John Rambo"...

HUMAN GIANT: 24

2007-05-18T12:44:00.000-07:00

MTV and MTV2 have been currently taken over by Human Giant, the next great sketch comedy group.

They are also attempting to get 1,000,000 hits on their website HERE

I suggest you start watching and start surfing RIGHT NOW. The fate of comedy depends on you

No more Skeeting...

2007-05-16T12:44:00.000-07:00

After a great finish to the season, we have now been informed by CBS that the fall lineup does not include Jericho Season 2.

I can't even say I would recommend the show as a DVD purchase because of its cliffhanger ending now that we know questions will never be answered.

Oh well. I guess Skeet Ulrich's rise out of mediocrity was a short lived one.

The Day the Punishment Died

2007-05-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

It's estimated that about 217 people enjoyed the 2004 version of THE PUNISHER. I'm one of them. I was also one of the few souls who was really looking forward to seeing Thomas Jane get another crack at playing the character in a sequel. It appears as though I'm going to have to find something else to look forward to as Jane himself has stated he's leaving the project.

It wasn't too long ago that I read Kurt Sutter, a writer from "The Shield," was hired to work on the script. This gave me high hopes. I don't know if it was exactly script trouble or just general movie studio bullshit, but whatever the case it has taken its toll on Jane who has been working hard the last 3 years to get a sequel off the ground. Jane really seemed to enjoy playing the character and wanted to give the fans a movie that would make up for the shortcummings of the original (though again, I liked it).

This doesn't exactly mean the sequel itself is dead. HULK is getting a follow-up with a new lead and I gotta believe that a character like THE PUNISHER, who isn't nearly as expensive to portray on screen, will get another chance in front of the camera. The problem now is will they be able to find an actor as psyched to play the part as Jane. Doubtful.

Check out the AICN exclusive where Jane explains the situation in his own words here.

HUMAN GIANT TAKES OVER MTV: May 18th @ NOON

2007-05-15T18:53:00.000-07:00

In an unprecedented show of good faith, MTV has apparently given HUMAN GIANT free reign over both MTV and MTV2 for 24 hours starting May 18th at 12 pm. I will go ahead and repost what Aziz Ansari posted on Myspace (i have taken the liberty of bolding some of the bigger names)...

"Last week, MTV told us we could get 24 hours on MTV and MTV2 to do whatever we want. So on Friday, May 18th at noon - we'll take over both channels for a full day and will host live from MTV's Times Square studio. They're literally letting us do whatever we want - we can program whatever shows we want, have guests, bands, music videos, anything! We just have to stay up for 24 hours and get a million hits on our website.

Here are a few of the guests we have coming down, (more bands and guests will be announced later in the week):

Fred Armisen
Will Arnett
Todd Barry
Jon Benjamin
Andy Blitz
Michael Cera
Zach Galifianakis
Jon Glaser
Bill Hader
Nick Kroll
Eugene Mirman
The National
Bob Odenkirk
Rob Riggle
Slovin and Allen
Michael Showalter
Tapes 'n Tapes
Ted Leo
Tegan and Sara

If you are near NY and want FREE tickets to be in the audience, just send an e-mail to battleofthebands@mtvstaff.com and please include the following:

-Name
-Age
-Phone number

Of course, you are not obligated to stay in the audience for the full 24 hours and can stay as long as you want from what I understand. It should be really fun."

This could be something special...

Human Giant: The next great sketch comedy show

2007-05-12T13:09:00.000-07:00

Aziz Ansari, Paul Scheer, Rob Huebel.

Remember those names. In a couple of years we will be talking about how awesomely famous they have become...or we will be talking about how awesomely famous they could have been if MTV hadn't cancelled their show.

As of now, these three guys along with writer/director Jason Woliner comprise Human Giant. A sketch comedy show born out of the Upright Citizens Brigade comedy theater. They had gained minor fame over the internet thanks to shorts like "Shutterbugs", "Illusionators", and "Shittiest Mixtape Boombox Blast". After toiling away in late-night comedy theater, they got their shot at sketch comedy on MTV.

The show is amazing. The three previously mentioned skits all make a return, and the wildly original "shutterbugs" has continued the story of the biggest name in tiny talent. I have embedded a couple youtubes of the early "Shutterbugs" stuff and linked to MTV's overdrive site so you can watch their two recent installments, which blew me away. Note: If you are a fan of child actor prodigy Bobbe'J Thompson (the little kid on the short lived Tracy Morgan Show) you will love the most recent installment.

In my opinion, Human Giant is doing some of the best sketch comedy on TV since Comedy Central cancelled Upright Citizens Brigade. We all know that MTV has a poor track record in supporting shows that don't involve 20-somethings getting drunk and sleeping with each other, which is why I am encouraging you all to give this show a couple viewings. You won't be sorry.

here is the link to the most recent installment

Changes on the Horizon

2007-05-11T10:59:00.000-07:00

Now that I am back in the states, I figured I gotta couple weeks before I move out to Washington DC so I will be messing around with the look of the blog. It is long overdue for a new look.

But I have to warn you, I have no working knowledge of HTML so hopefully the recent overhaul of Blogger's services offers me some easy to manipulate templates. Let me know what you guys think about the new look(s).

Farewell Mr. Baur

2007-05-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

It is with a somewhat sad heart I have to inform you that 24 is no longer holding the number one spot in my Tivo's list of season passes. I was on vacation for the past two weeks, and when I came back I realized I had 4 unwatched episodes sitting on my hard drive, but for the first time in a long time I had no interest in watching them. Sitting through 4 episodes actually felt like a daunting task, not an enjoyment like tv should be.

It was then I realized I am finished with 24. It has become too tedious to watch, especially this season. All the magic bulletts, magic head trauma recovery, Russians with paper thin motives, cookie cutter terrorists, etc finally pushed me over the edge. This show has become more and more shitty with every season...but for whatever reason the rest of the world feels its becoming better? More and more awards are given to it for no good reason.

Anyway, more power to Mr. Sutherland. An iconic character like Jack Baur doesn't come around too often for a lot of actors, and Kiefer is definitely making the most of his second life on fame. But this is where I get off this crazy train.

P.S. And no this doesn't necessarily mean Heroes will be taking a season pass either. I have been keeping up with that show through NBC.com replays...and boy is it a frustrating show to watch (especially for a comic book fan like myself), but more on that after the season finale.

Jericho: AAAAAAAAAH SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET

2007-05-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

So Jericho had its season finale this week...and it was pretty damn good! I think at the beginning of the TV season Jericho was probably the last show I would have thought would be surviving AND renewed for season 2. In retrospect though, the show really came together nicely about halfway through the season. The creative staff built up a ton of questions in the first 6-7 episodes and then proceeded to answer them pretty clearly.

We found out what Jake was up to in his time away from Jericho.

We learn about Hawkins' past.

We learn about the bombs.

By the end, the show was far less about the mysteries of the bombs and more a character study about how people would survive in a post-nuclear holocaust world (minus the super power mutations...which I am fully expecting to see explored in season 2).

Once this show hits DVDs, I would suggest giving it a rent. It is far less sexy (although Ashley Scott always looks smokin' when on screen) a show than Lost, but it is a fun and sometimes poignant diversion.

Android, Psycho, Author?

2007-05-07T20:20:00.000-07:00

If there is one actor who has seemingly done it all it would be Rutger Hauer. From roles in genre favorites like BLADE RUNNER and THE HITCHER to appearances in all sorts of cheap DTV films he has stood the test of time. Recently Hauer has popped up in mainstream hits like SIN CITY and BATMAN BEGINS. While he still has many years of acting left in him, Hauer has decided to share a little insight into his life by writing a new book titled "All Those Moments."

I'm looking forward to picking this book up. Hauer has worked with a wide range of actors and directors. Everyone from Harrison Ford and Ridley Scott to Ice-T and Gary Busey. Hopefully Hauer's writing style is as colorful as many of the roles he tends to play.

It appears this book's release was timed for the 25th Anniversary of when BLADE RUNNER first arrived in theaters back in '82. Personally I'd like to think the book is being released to celebrate the 26th Anniversary of NIGHTHAWKS.

You Can't Keep a Good Damme Down

2007-04-23T19:36:00.000-07:00

3 years ago Jean-Claude Van Damme showed audiences he wasn’t quite ready to just make crap and appeared in a film called WAKE OF DEATH. It was a tale of brutal revenge and allowed Van Damme to truly emote. Seriously, it was quite good. Since then he’s made a couple of forgettable flicks but now he’s back to flexing his acting chops with UNTIL DEATH which comes to DVD tomorrow. It’s the story of a heroin-addicted cop who winds up in a coma and eventually comes out of it to correct his life’s biggest mistakes.

I haven’t seen UNTIL DEATH but I’m looking forward to it for a couple of reasons. First, I’m a sucker for films about crooked cops. From NARC to TRAINING DAY to even DARK BLUE it’s always fun to watch an actor revel in portraying corruption in law enforcement. In addition to that Van Damme’s nemesis is played by Stephen Rea who’s had memorable roles in THE CRYING GAME and INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE. I’d say Rea was slumming by doing a Van Damme film but he was in FEAR DOT COM. It’s impossible to slum after that.

Early reviews I’ve read have been positive but they all seem to be shocked at the lack of martial arts on display by Van Damme in this one. I for one welcome his desire to change things up a bit and not rely on his old bag of tricks. Unless of course the movie blows in which case I’ll crucify it for not having enough flying side kicks.

Hot Fuzz In Los Angeles

2007-04-18T23:35:00.000-07:00

About two weeks ago, I was lucky enough to get tickets to a special triple feature at the Aero in Los Angeles. The headlining feature was Edgar Wright's "Hot Fuzz", followed by "Point Break" and "Hard Boiled". Now, if you are reading this and you haven't seen "Shaun of the Dead" yet, I suggest you go watch it right now. Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost created an instant classic with SotD. They managed to make a spot-on homage to classic Romero zombie flicks that was also a very accessible comedy for regular moviegoer. That was probably one of the most impressive things I remember about SotD. I am not a huge zombie movie fan, but I absolutely loved the movie.

Now, the trio's second effort "Hot Fuzz" tackles a genre that I am very familiar with...the American buddy cop movie. I was a little curious what kind of film this was actually going to be. Was it going to be a total spoof of the genre? A parody? Or a its own self-sufficient movie? It turns out its all 3. I am not even sure how to classify the movie besides calling it a comedy. Obviously, Wright and Co. love the classics e.g. Lethal Weapon, Die Hard, etc but they didn't do the easy thing and just spoof those movies like the underrated "National Lampoons: Loaded Weapon 1".

Simon Pegg plays "Nicolas Angel", a London supercop, who is sent to the countryside because he is making everyone else look bad. He befriends another guy on the force, "Danny Butterman (Frost)" and the hijinx ensue. The plot in itself takes such a ludicrous turn near the climax that I don't want to spoil any of it for you. The movie itself starts out as a slow burn, but covers a lot of the classic story beats from cop movies. There is even some homo-erotic tension between Angel and Butterman that is played up for some good comic effect. You might get a little anxious about an hour in because the action quotient is basically non-existent, but its all building up to one of the wildest finales in movie history. After you see the last 20 minutes, it just makes you love everything about the movie a million times more.

"Hot Fuzz" singles out "Point Break" and "Bad Boys II" most obviously as examples of cliche cop work in movies. I think being familiar with both films before watching Fuzz will make you appreciate it infinitely more. Frankly, I can probably guarantee fans of the action classics from the 80s and 90s will instantly fall in love with this film. But like "Shaun of the Dead", "Hot Fuzz" doesn't require any outside film knowledge. It is just a well made film that will have you laughing all the way through the end even if you don't know how "radical a dude" Johnny Utah maybe.

"Hot Fuzz" opens TOMORROW, April 20th!

P.S. After the screening of "Hot Fuzz", we were treated to a Q&A with a panel that included Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, Edgar Frost, and Sir Timothy Dalton (who is freaking brilliant in this film as well). We found out some interesting tidbits about how they managed to get such a cavalcade of British TV and Movie stars into the film. We also find out that "Dirty Harry" is probably Edgar Wright's fave cop film, and everyone in the panel thought "Bad Boys II"'s second ending that had them rampaging through Cuba was as ridiculous and stupid as I thought it was.

Stone Cold Mania Begins

2007-04-12T23:21:00.000-07:00

Usually if I write about a new DVD it’s a day or two before it’s released. Well I’m going to make an exception to that rule. That exception is STONE COLD.

If you’re not familiar with STONE COLD then your life must be in shambles. Allow me to fill you in. It was former football “star” Brian Bosworth’s major big screen chance at movie stardom. The Boz portrayed Joe Huff, a lawman given the assignment to infiltrate a murderous biker gang named The Brotherhood. The Brotherhood is made up of many colorful characters with colorful names, most notably the gang’s leader Chains (Lance Henriksen) and his right hand man Ice (William Forsythe). Bosworth’s undercover journey is full of many ups and downs and along the way every vehicle you can imagine is destroyed. That’s a lie, no hydrofoils are destroyed.

For years STONE COLD has flown under the digital radar. If someone was inclined, me for instance, they could track down a bootleg but it just wasn’t the same. Finally the folks at MGM have realized the gem they’ve been sitting on and have decided to release this opera of mayhem on June 12th.

I know what you’re saying to yourself. “What are we supposed to do for the next two months while we wait for STONE COLD to come out on DVD?” I’m glad you asked. To pass the time you can visit a site dedicated to appreciating the film. At this site you can access a couple clips from the movie, get a rundown of the main characters, and view a detailed account of the product placement found in the film. Visit the site by clicking here.

So Close!!!

2007-04-02T20:19:00.000-07:00

I cannot wait for tonight's episode of "24" to end. No, I'm not really interested in whether Jack Bauer has found more mentally challenged people to help him save the world. But once "24" ends tonight it will be 10 PM. That means we will be within one day until a new season of "The Shield."

The wait for this show has been brutal. Not just because of how great it is but because of the powerful punch in the nuts that they gave the audience in their final episode last year. Obviously they're not going to immediately tie up all the loose ends right off the bat. I wouldn't want that. But it's going to be a real relief to see the gang breaking the rules at the Barn again.

Oh, and if you haven't heard Carl Weathers will make a return appearance as Vic Mackey's former partner at some point this season. Can this show be any better?

This will be the first and last Berenger reference...Shooter (film review)

2007-03-27T00:42:00.000-07:00

I loved 300 as much as the next dude. Unfortunately, the movie grinds to an epic halt everytime they cut to Queen Gorgo's story of "political intrigue". It really got in the way of the wonderfully shot action.

"Shooter", directed by Antoine Fuqua of Training Day...and King Arthur fame, is a movie that does not fall into the same trap.

Now, what follows may come off as very hyperbolic, but I assure you I gave it 3 days before I wrote anything about this movie. I loved it when I walked out of the theater...and I still love it 3 days later. I feel like I haven't had this much fun in an action flick since I saw Peter Berg's masterpiece "The Rundown". That last sentence is saying a lot if you know my tastes at all. A few people around the net have thrown around the overused "throwback '80s action flick" phrase in describing "Shooter". I think its warranted here.

The plot is nothing groundbreaking, but it serves its purpose of moving the story from action scene A to action scene B. Mix one part "Commando" with one part "Bourne Identity" and you pretty much get "Shooter". Fuqua catches your attention right from the beginning of the movie with an excellent sniping action scene. It starts out very rote and very much based in military reality and escalates into action film fantasy. I was hooked from then on. One might think on paper that watching action scenes based around sniping would be boring, but Fuqua pulls no punches and makes all the kills quite brutal and graphic. A lot of arterial sprays, large bullet wounds, etc. add a lot to each of the action sequences. In the middle of the movie, there is a very memorable assault on a farm in Virginia, which once again shines due to the pacing of the action. It starts slow and involves more intimate kills and then escalates into a massive firefight involving huge explosions and lots of chaos.

As for performances, I think Mark Wahlberg shines in the role of a deadly super soldier patsy on the run. He gives a believable performance even if he looks like he stepped out of an Abercrombie catalog from time to time. Danny Glover was serviceable in his evil military dude role, but I think one of the real standouts was Ned Beatty as an evil senator. He evoked shades of Chelcie Ross' Senator Baynard from "The Last Boy Scout". I had a great time watching him be a total pompous ass throughout the film. Elias Koteas' (yes, he was Casey Jones in the live action Ninja Turtle films) sheer sleaziness practically stole the show. There were also some great looking women in the film too (another 80s action flick staple!). Kate Mara did well as the damsel in distress, and we got see her in a bra. Rhona Mitra was nice eye candy even though her character was totally useless.

All of this brings me to what may be the one true problem I had with the film: Michael Pena. His character goes from disgraced FBI rookie, to conspiracy crazy nutjob, to special forces level sniper over the course of the film. He is sometimes played as comic relief and most of the other times he is used to reveal more aspects of the conspiracy framing Wahlberg's Bob Lee Swagger character. Halfway through the movie, after one scene showing pena being trained, he becomes a face paint wearing badass sniper. That was definitely a little hard for me to buy. But it was a small pet peeve for me.

Overall, "Shooter" does what an action movie should do best, the action. For the past few years, Hollywood has been trying to "smarten up" their action films and it has just diluted the market. Thankfully, the rated "R" movies are back en vogue and more importantly making big bucks at the box office. I think "Shooter" is a great example of how to make a modern action classic. So, go see it...because the Ninja Turtles are currently kicking its ass at the box office.

Barely A Review: SHOOTER

2007-03-26T21:34:00.000-07:00

If you like seeing people get shot in the head from long distances then have I got the movie for you. It's the new Mark Wahlberg action flick SHOOTER. Wahlberg stars as Bob Lee Swagger, a former Marine sniper called into service for his country one last time. That dedication to his country ends up with Swagger being framed for an attempt on the President's life.

This movie is like a three round heavyweight fight. The first round is a nice showing in which we see a great opening action sequence and a decent set up depicting Wahlberg going on the run from the authorties. In the second round the film takes a dive. A lot of the focus goes to Michael Pena as a rookie FBI agent who uncovers the conspiracy and realizes that Wahlberg is not the assassin everyone assumes him to be. The problem with this is that the audience knows Wahlberg is innocent so it gets dull watching another character slowly figure that out.

In the third round the film gets off the canvas with a vengeance. It's around this time that Wahlberg, with help from Pena, starts dropping bodies left and right. A shootout at a farmhouse is especially well executed by director Antione Fuqua. Danny Glover fails to provide much in the way of menace but his lead henchman, played by Elias Koteas, manages to be just the type of sleazy asshole you want in a movie like this.

By split decision, SHOOTER wins.

Someone wake up at Fox...Idiocracy (film review)

2007-03-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

So like I mentioned in my last post, I rented Mike Judge's follow up to "Office Space", "Idiocracy" through Amazon's Unbox service. I had heard nothing but raves about it, but unfortunately for us I had also heard all the bullshit that went on at the studio level, which basically buried the movie.

I think it got a release in a handful of towns for about a week, and then pulled from theaters. Not to mention the fact that Fox pulled support from the film in post production. Mike Judge had to go to his friend Robert Rodriguez to get the CGI work done for free. Fox had similarly screwed Judge over in "Office Space"'s release, but it ended up doing huge business on DVD, which led to them initially greenlighting "Idiocracy".

Anyway, keeping all this in mind, it is a wonder Judge was able to make as complete a movie he did. To put it bluntly, the movie is an instant classic. The story in a nutshell, Luke Wilson is an army librarian, who is content with his horribly average life, and gets recruited into a suspened animation experiment, which goes horribly wrong and he ends up waking up in the year 2505. Maya Rudolph, a professional street walker, also gets recruited too. Anyway, the movie is basically a commentary on where our culture/society is going. In the year 2505, corporate culture and marketing has basically taken over the world. Our President is an Ex-wrestler/porn star (played brilliantly by Terry Crews), Gatorade has replaced water, the number one tv show is about a guy getting hit in the balls, etc. I think you get the picture.

Needless to say, the movie is hilarious. There are a ton of sight gags that you might miss on the first viewing. The prop and set design is pretty brilliant because even on a low budget there is just a ton of stuff on screen that induces laughter let alone what the characters are doing/saying. After viewing the movie, it is a bit sad how close our world today resembles this idiotic future, but I think you will be laughing too much to feel sorry for yourself. Ok, time to get back to Americanidol.com and continue bashing Sanjaya.

Amazon Unbox...A review of the new service

2007-03-24T19:04:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago Tivo and Amazon.com unveiled a new service, Amazon Unbox. The basic idea is simple. You rent/buy bigtime Hollywood movies and television shows and watch them on your computer, an approved player (non-ipod video players of course), or ON YOUR TIVO. That is right, the long talked about service of renting a movie online and having it downloaded to your Tivo for future viewing is a reality.

There really is minimal setup required for using your Tivo (requires a broadband connected box though). You just need to link your Tivo account to your Amazon account, and then start browsing and selecting content. Within 15 minutes, your Tivo begins downloading your content. You can buy movies outright for about 15 bucks or you can rent movies. A rented movie stays on your box for 30 days, but once you begin playing it a 24 hour timer begins and when it runs out, the movie will be automatically deleted.

I tried the service out with Mike Judge's instant classic "Idiocracy" (review coming soon). I linked my tivo account on Amazon, which took about 5 minutes. I selected my movie, put in my billing info***, and then went to bed. I woke up the next morning with my movie waiting for me. The whole service is ridiculously easy to use. If you don't have Tivo, you can use this service with a downloadable "Unbox Video Player" as well, but there are a lot of downloadable movie services out there now (not to mention all the torrents out there). Another big plus for big Tivo nuts...Amazon will continue to honor your downloads and selections if your Tivo does not have room in it. So don't worry if your Tivo is always full, Unbox will wait for you to clear room. Just a quick detour...I have used Xbox 360's video marketplace service. It is fantastic. The HD content speaks for itself. Great video quality and great choices, but the big drawback that keeps me from using it is that you hvae to keep your 360 on all the time (which given its spotty history of crashing kind of scares me) and I use my 360 for playing games. The second you play a game over Xbox Live (which is every game I play) the download is put on pause. Tivo is always on anyway so this marriage just works better in my opinion.

As for the drawbacks, I think the main issue that comes up now is lack of High Def quality movies. I think with time as broadband becomes more of the status quo and more importantly once the HD Tivo box comes down in price and becomes more accessible HD content should be inevitable. The other drawback I noted was the type of content on the service is actually more limited than I thought it would be. There is a good selection of your biggest movies of the past 10 years, but some of the smaller flicks are missing...but once again with time I am sure the library will increase in size. Also, you have to be on a PC to initiate these downloads. You can't browse over your Tivo. Apparently, a lot of people are reporting issues with the PC download side of things, but I have only tried it over Tivo so I can't really comment on that.

I highly recommend this service for Tivo users because of its ease of use and more importantly its quick turn around time compared to something like Netflix. Hopefully, this service will continue to help Tivo differentiate itself from all the other cable company DVR's out there, and most importantly help them stay a player in the game...at least until all the competitors get their act together and start offering similar services.

You can sign up for Unbox by going to Amazon.com and clicking on the "Unbox Video" link on the left side menu.

***If you link your Tivo before April 30th, you get one free download (15 bucks value) on the service.***

ABC: Suck it...again and again and again

2007-03-23T19:36:00.000-07:00

I just finished all 13 episodes of "Daybreak", the mid-season replacement on ABC that you probably don't remember because they pulled it after 6-7 episodes.

I have written about it before here, and I am going to write more about it right now.

The finale was brilliant. It answered a ton of questions and wrapped up the season's storyline quite nicely, while in true tv drama fashion left a few dangling questions that made me curse ABC even more because I came to the realization again that I will never see those answers.

I don't even want to write about the show's specifics because I am such a huge fan of what the show did.

I highly encourage that you go to ABC.com and watch all 13 eps, while they are still up.

The DVD of season 1 is apparently in the pipeline for early summer. I am picking it up for sure, and I would ask that all the fans of the show do the same to show the people who worked on it that we cared and to show ABC that they made a huge mistake.

DVD Goodness: Miami Vice: The Third Season

2007-03-19T21:25:00.000-07:00

Hitting shelves tomorrow is the third season of "Miami Vice." This is easily the last truly great season of the show as it all went downhill starting in season 4. But season 3 is full of many action packed episodes and a stacked roster of guest stars including Liam Neeson, Bill Paxton, Wesley Snipes, Don King, Viggo Mortensen, Lou Diamond Phillips, and Annette Benning.

The first episode of the season starts with a true bang as Crockett's beloved Ferrari is blown to pieces by an arms dealer played by Jeff Fahey. If you need a refresher of how that historic moment played out, just click here.

The fourth season of "Vice" also will be available tomorrow. Like I said earlier that was when the show started to lose steam. But Best Buy is offering any of the first 4 seasons at a bargain price of "2 for $50." Considering these sets usually run in the $35-$40 range that is a hell of a deal and probably enough to make a completist like me go ahead and grab that 4th season after all. I'm a slave to consumerism!

DVD Goodness: CASINO ROYALE

2007-03-13T00:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not a huge James Bond fan. Not a hater mind you, I've just never gotten into the series as much as many other fans. Some of the Bond flicks I've seen have been good, some bad, and some like DIE ANOTHER DAY were just plain old shit. I've never felt the need to own a James Bond film. I must be the only person on Earth who owns 18 films featuring Dolph Lundgren, yet no Bond movies. Well that's about to change with the DVD release of CASINO ROYALE.

CASINO ROYALE was a terrific reboot of the Bond franchise. Gone are a lot of the tired moments involving gadgets and absurd villains trying to blow up Jupiter. Instead we get a plot that fits in with today's current events a little smoother. This doesn't mean the action is toned down. There are some great scenes, including a chase in the film's first act that was one of the best action sequences of recent years.

Daniel Craig came under much fire when he got the role of James Bond. He proved a lot of people wrong with his turn as 007. His Bond is a rough and tough character but with a deadpan sense of humor that can still throw out a one-liner with the best of them. Hopefully CASINO ROYALE is the first of many revitalized Bond films, and the first many I'll want to own on DVD.

Shield Season 6 Webisode

2007-03-07T14:34:00.000-08:00

A quick headsup. A 15 minute "promosode" for the upcoming 6th season of "The Shield" (best show on tv) is up at Bud.Tv

You will have to register, but let me tell you its worth the effort. ***Spoiler alert***

The short deals with Lem's funeral and flashes back to one of the happier moments of the Strike Team. It is almost painful to watch. Never has a show evoked such a visceral response from me. I still want to throw things at my TV whenever Shane comes on screen.

The Shield Season 6 premieres April 3rd (FINALLY!) on FX.

So Many Dead Italians

2007-03-05T22:31:00.000-08:00

When will March end? I've never had anything against this month, I like college basketball as much as the next guy but I really need April to get here quick. I've already talked about how April is going to kick much ass thanks to GRIND HOUSE and the premiere of a new season of "The Shield." Fitting right alonsgide those 2 is the premiere of the final 9 episodes of "The Sopranos."

HBO has unleashed a promo for these last episodes. It is done in the mold of those dead people tributes you see on the Oscars (Side note: Where was Paul Gleason in the Oscar tribute? You fucked up, Academy). It's a nice way to remind the fans of all the great characters that have found themselves clipped throughout the years.

The new season is scheduled to start Easter Sunday, April 8th. You can watch the new promo here.

UNDER SIEGE: THE REBUTTAL

2007-03-03T09:29:00.000-08:00

A couple days ago Fazer used this forum to lash out against UNDER SIEGE. What brought on this unjust attack against this fine motion picture still baffles me. But I will accept as my duty the job of proving why UNDER SIEGE is a landmark action film of the 90’s.

As Fazer mentioned, and many others as well, Steven Seagal does not do a lot of bone-crunching martial arts in UNDER SIEGE. Compared to his pre-SIEGE films that is true. But you have to remember that Seagal’s early films were based around his martial arts abilities. UNDER SIEGE was more the case of a movie that stood on its own, with a little bit of Seagal’s style thrown in for seasoning. It should be noted that even with the overall lack of hand-to-hand combat, Seagal does demonstrate perhaps his highest kick in UNDER SIEGE. A kick so slow that we now know why he has never kicked anyone above the waist in a film since. Maybe he did in EXIT WOUNDS, but he was using wires in that one.

What truly marks UNDER SIEGE as the gold standard in DIE HARD rip-offs are the villains. Tommy Lee Jones is utterly brilliant as Strannix. One year after SIEGE Jones won an Oscar for his role in THE FUGITIVE. I defy anyone to watch those 2 films back-to-back and in their heart of hearts proclaim that he is more entertaining in THE FUGITIVE. Then after Jones you have Gary Busey. Not just run of the mill crazy Busey, but Busey in drag. If that isn’t enough you get Colm Meaney coming off the bench to lend his support in the evil department. The whole film is full of dudes who may not be household names but if you grew up watching as many action films as me then guys like Nick Mancuso, Raymond Cruz, Bernie Casey, and Dale Daye should ring a bell. Even Glenn Morshower, Aaron from “24,” is in this thing.

Is UNDER SIEGE my favorite Seagal film? No, that esteemed honor goes to MARKED FOR DEATH. But UNDER SIEGE will always mean a great deal to me. It reminds me of a simpler time when Seagal was an artist on the rise and not the bloated mess he is today. I’ll forever have an appetite for what Chef Ryback had cooking.

Under Siege Revisited

2007-03-01T16:21:00.000-08:00

I know this movie is probably more of Chris' territory than mine, but I always remembered Steven Seagal's magnum opus "Under Siege" being his best movie. Unfortunately, I rewatched it recently and I think I might have to mentally file it in the "I remembered this being much better than it actually is" category.

But before we get into what is sure to spark some unpleasantness between Chris and myself, lets talk about something that "Under Siege" got oh so right...THE TRAILER. First, let's all take a look at it.

For my money, that trailer personifies the modern day action trailer. There have been countless jokes about "the movie guy", "Mr. Voice", etc and how ridiculous these things got as we progressed into the late 1990's. I think one legendary bit by comedian Pablo Francisco is probably the best parody of the entire genre of action film trailers. His "Little Tortilla Boy" piece wouldn't exist if the "Under Siege" trailer wasn't as awesome as it is. You can watch that right now...

So that's the trailer. What about the movie? I think the main problem lies in Andrew Davis' overly pedestrian directing of this film. Seagal, Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey, Erika Eleniak's tits, etc are all fantastic in the movie. The script puts an ample amount of one liners, 90% of which work off the "cook" concept, and action in our hero Casey Ryback's plate. Unfortunately, I think there are like only 2 good action scenes in the entire film. For whatever reason, Seagal's trademark aikido takedowns, joint locks, etc. are underutilized and Davis relies more on shooting gunplay. Frankly, Seagal with guns is boring. If there is anything that distinguishes him from the other action stars, it is his martial arts style. The only guy whose on screen martial arts rivaled Seagal's coolness factor was Jeff Speakman, and he made like 1.5 good movies.

Thankfully, the final fight scene between Tommy Lee Jones and Seagal involves knives and is still one of the best on screen knife fights in cinema history ("Beat it" was more of a mini-movie so I can't count that). After viewing the film again, it's clear that Casey Ryback is probably Seagal's best movie character, hence the underrated "Under Siege 2: Dark Territory". The idea of him being underestimated because of his prowess as a cook really doesn't get old, and definitely puts a unique stamp on the entire film. Unfortunately, the director just went ahead and made a by the numbers '90s era action film, which gets elevated purely based on Seagal's presence.

On a side note, "Under Siege 2: Dark Territory" isn't as strong of an idea, where the first was "die hard on a ship", "die hard on a train" just doesn't work as well. The film basically follows the same template as the first, but the action is noticeably better. Seagal's talents are much better utilized. Also, it has an early appearance by Katherine Heigl of "Grey's Anatomy" fame as Casey Ryback's estranged niece and a nice turn by Morris Chestnut as Ryback's reluctant black porter sidekick.

I Saw Norbit

2007-03-01T16:19:00.000-08:00

It was kinda shitty...but much better than any of Eddie's last 4-5 releases.

The Day is coming to a close...

2007-02-28T20:47:00.000-08:00

For those that haven't already begun watching "Daybreak" on ABC.com, I highly suggest you start now. The final hour of the series will be going up by the end of this week (hopefully! a person who worked on the show has been chronicling the difficulty ABC has given the show's producers in getting all the episodes online. if you are interested you can search for the forum thread at the televisionwithoutpity.com forums).

I just wanted to give you readers the heads up because you never know how long the episodes will stay on the website. Either way, this show warrants an immediate DVD purchase when it hits the stores (who knows when that will be). I have seen a lot of great TV in my day, but as this show comes to a close I am very tempted to say this is the best 13 episode arc I have ever seen. The only thing I can think that rivals it as far as ongoing storyline and pacing would probably be the last season of The Shield.

I will probably write more about it when the final episode gets put up, but I wanted to give some advance notice so people can try and catch up.

Barely A Review: RENO 911!: MIAMI

2007-02-27T18:52:00.000-08:00

For the first few years it was on the air I was a big fan of "Reno 911!" the TV series. Yeah, it's mainly just a spoof of "Cops" but the cast is by in large terrific and the strange sense of humor is right up my alley. The 4th season which aired last summer seemed a bit off to me and now I think I know why. The cast and crew of the show were saving the good stuff for their movie, RENO 911!: MIAMI.

The plot of RENO 911!: MIAMI finds all 8 officers attending a police convention in Miami Beach (Shades of the 5th volume in the POLICE ACADEMY saga?). When the convention becomes victim to a terrorist plot it is up to Reno's finest to patrol the city and find out who is behind the attack.

Of course the plot is basically meaningless. The film's one true fault is actually trying to construct a plot. Where this film scores is with its gags. Many of the gags, particularly a great one involving a motel masturbate-athon, are too blue for basic cable. There are also a fair share of cameos in the film, some work and some don't, but overall the ones that do work are the ones you will remember after the movie ends.

As a fan of Deputy Jones or "Jonesy," who is always played nicely by Cedric Yarbrough, I was sad to see him not receive as much face-time as some of the other cast members. But when he gets the spotlight he comes through and he gets to recite the line "You've been making love with Richard Petty?" so he does have his moments.

I suppose the big question is will this film work if you have never seen the TV show. Honestly, I don't know. These aren't the deepest characters so it's not like you need to have a long backstory to figure out which officer is the slut, which is the dyke, and which is the redneck. So go see it. If you like it great, if you hate it I don't care. None of you know where I live anyway.

An Inconvenient-er Truth (The Arrival...A Review)

2007-02-27T14:14:00.000-08:00

Ah 1996, the year when Mr. Charlie Sheen announced he was a born again Christian (yea I was surprised too, but it's on Wikipedia so it has to be true). Now of course, the years leading up to '96 were anything but Christian...unless cocaine and high priced hookers are allowed somewhere in the Bible, which would make it the best religion ever! 1996 would also mark the release of possibly the last good Charlie Sheen movie ever, "The Arrival".

How would I describe "The Arrival" in one sentence...Take one big slab of "They Live", a dose of "X-Files", and a small dash of "The Thing" and you get "The Arrival". Clearly, writer-director David Twohy (of "Critters 2: The Main Course" fame!!! Oh, and "Pitch Black") has a huge hard-on for John Carpenter. Well, he couldn't have picked a better director to emulate.

The movie itself is almost relevant again because it revolves around a secret alien conspiracy to increase greenhouse gases and warm the earth to make it habitable for alien invaders, who already live among us in disguise! The aliens run NASA, through Hollywood superstar Ron Silver, and a multi-national corporation that is putting up these ozone killing factories in third-world countries. Of course, Sheen's "Zane", a radio-astronomer, gets caught up in the conspiracy and races to find out the truth.

This is basically the Charlie Sheen show, and he does a good job of playing a paranoid geek. For some unexplained reason though, he is shown without his shirt on far too much. Sheen was clearly putting on weight after dropping the coke habit and it showed. The other real standout for me was Ron Silver. He showed some real range. Not only did he play the evil alien in disguise head of NASA (i think), but he also played an evil alien in disguise Mexican cop with a sweet 'stache (the makeup use was brilliant, I am talking "Soul Man" brilliant). Lindsay Crouse also plays an environmental scientist who gets caught up in the whole shebang in Mexico. I bring her up because she actually propositions Sheen's character, who thankfully turns her down. Nevermind the fact that Crouse looks like she is 20 years older than Sheen, but she kinda looks like a dude. Never have I been happier to see a movie character turn down sex.

Oh, Teri Polo and some black kid are also in the movie adding "The Thing" like tensions because Sheen doesn't know who is/isn't an alien as the movie progresses. Overall, this is a very solid movie that in my opinion got lost amongst all the "X-Files" hype of the mid-90s when everyone was trying to do something alien related. "The Arrival"'s actual extraterrestrials aren't visually spectacular, but the movie really isn't about what they look like and is more about Sheen's journey to figure everything out and keep his sanity at the same time. I would highly recommend giving it a rental.

The Great Dunk Robbery

2007-02-26T00:08:00.000-08:00

First of all, yes I do watch sports and enjoy them very much.

Second of all, as if the snooze fest put on by the NBA last weekend wasn't bad enough, take a look at what Dwight Howard's full cadre of dunks looked like. Unfortunately, he got inexplicably eliminated thanks to low scores from dominique, jordan, and Dr. J, who obviously didn't have time to understand his instant classic "sticker dunk". The NBA already killed the dunk contest once. Looks like they are well on their way to doing it again. Seriously, it took Nate Robinson how long to complete his final dunk?

Rest Easy Everyone, WWE Films Is Still In Business

2007-02-18T17:53:00.000-08:00

Even though THE MARINE didn't set the box office on fire, WWE Films is not quite ready to do the inevitable and release their movies straight to video. Their latest offering is THE CONDEMNED and it stars "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Vinnie Jones as a couple of dangerous convicts thrown on an island with 8 other dangerous convicts. No, they don't explore a hatch and have flashbacks to their lives before they got on the island. Instead, they participate in a to-the-death competition which will be broadcast live on the Internet.

THE CONDEMNED is pretty much this generation's THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME mixed with THE RUNNING MAN. I'm a sucker for a premise like this and I enjoy Vinnie Jones but Steve Austin always strikes me as a total void. Anytime I see him he's either drinking beer or flipping people off and I get enough of that when I walk into the local "ampm." I wish they could have dumped Austin and gotten some other wrestler, like that guy who pretends to be a tard. He has stage presence that can't be taught.

THE CONDEMNED will open to horrible reviews on April 27th. The film has an official site but at this point it's just a trailer and a clock counting down until the release date. You can visit that site here or by typing in the web address watchthemdielive.com.

New Grindhouse Trailer!

2007-02-15T18:28:00.000-08:00

As I have indicated before there is no other movie I'm looking forward to more than GRINDHOUSE. The "2 for the price of 1" project from Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez appears to be exactly how I'd like to spend over 3 hours in a movie theater. A new trailer premiered tonight on Yahoo (I'm not putting the exclamation point). Here's a link.

The more footage I see the more I wish tomorrow was April 6th. Perhaps some people are tired of Tarantino and Rodriguez's devotion to making films that reflect their childhood favorites but I welcome their enthusiasm. At times they have put their names on a product to make a quick buck (Example: FROM DUSK TILL DAWN sequels) but when they get behind the camera they tend to put 100% of their effort into getting their vision up on the screen.

All I know is that in an age where films seem more video game than movie (Example: GHOST RIDER) it's nice to have a flick come around like GRINDHOUSE that reminds us how fun a movie can be, or at least appear to be based on a trailer.

The Format Wars are Over!

2007-02-13T20:20:00.000-08:00

Let me be the first to proclaim the next generation dvd war over! Blu-ray vs. HD-DVD ends in a huge knockout.

Why you ask am I so confident and have not heard anything from other news sources? First, what are you doing reading other news sources! Second, HD-DVD can't recover from not having one of the finest films of all time in their library...Commando (A Mark Lester film) is a Blu-Ray exclusive. I suggest you all go to Amazon.com right now and purchase a Blu-ray player and pre-order the Commando disc being released March 13th.

DVD Goodness: The Departed

2007-02-12T19:09:00.000-08:00

You probably don't need me to tell you that THE DEPARTED is a film worth watching. You could look at the amazing cast, its Oscar nominations, and the fact that it's directed by possibly the greatest filmmaker ever and make that decision on your own. But if you're looking to purchase this film tomorrow you may need a primer on which version to grab. This is where I will try to be of service.

If you care nothing for extras then the film will be available in a no frills edition, either in widescreen or full frame formats. Even though I find myself less and less interested in DVD extras as the years go by I will say that THE DEPARTED is a movie for which I welcome a large array of bonus features. So with that in mind there is also a special edition packed with documentaries, a Scorsese commentary, and I imagine lots of other goodies.

But that's not all. Best Buy will be offering a limited edition (of the special edition) packaged in a steelbook case with postcards. Furthermore, Target will have an edition of the film that includes a copy of the script so that you can read along with the actors while watching the film. Pep Boys will make an edition available that includes a free lube and filter. Not true, but Pep Boys does good work so I thought I'd give them a shout out.

Then of course the movie will be available in both Blu-ray and HD DVD formats. Honestly, I don't know what will be on those discs. But if you have one of those players you can order your butler to research that, you rich son of a bitch.

Daybeak dawns anew and News!

2007-02-10T00:45:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, thanks to a secret benefactor (old friend of the blog back in the podcast days, Chris jones) we now own the URL www.stealingcable.tv. Take that you internet squatters! What does this mean for the blog? Nothing really. Now we just have a much catchier website address to put in our message board signatures and our AIM profiles. The new website will just automatically redirect you to this same Blogspot site.

Secondly, a real favorite around the offices of Stealing Cable was ABC's now cancelled "Daybreak" starring Taye "You would be surprised at how short he is in real life" Diggs. Thankfully, the "Daybreak" production was able to film a full 13 episodes, which take the story of Detective Hopper through a clear beginning and end. ABC has been gracious enough to post the unaired episodes on ABC.com in their entirety. Let me just say, the show just continues to get better. The last on air episode had Det. Hopper catching up with the shadowy figure, who greets him at the quarry when he makes a wrong move in one of his repeating days.

The episodes that follow exponentially increase the size and scope of the conspiracy while actually answering a lot of questions about the many clues Hopper has been trying to put together. Assuming this show is able to maintain this breakneck pace all the way through 13 episodes, it might just go down as one of the true classics of the genre. As of now, it is easily blowing any season of 24 away.

DVD Goodness: Best Of The Best 2

2007-02-05T22:31:00.000-08:00

14 years ago Eric Roberts, Phillip Rhee, and Chris Penn (we still miss you!) reteamed to make a sequel to their 1989 hit (by "hit" I mean a lot of people got hit) BEST OF THE BEST. The original is a decent enough flick, it's sort of like THE KARATE KID with grown men, but BEST OF THE BEST 2 is an entirely different beast. A magnificent beast at that.

Previously BEST OF THE BEST 2 was available on DVD but it was only distributed in Canada and the transfer has been described as "VHS-like." But that will change tomorrow. An honest to God Region 1 disc made for U.S. consumption will hit store shelves. In the sub-genre of films dealing in illegal martial arts tournaments BEST OF THE BEST 2 stands tall among such mighty entries as BLOODSPORT and LIONHEART.

If by chance you take my advice and pick up BEST OF THE BEST 2 I have no doubt that you will want to watch the rest of the saga's adventures play out in BEST OF THE BEST 3 and BEST OF THE BEST 4. The good news on that front is that they are already on DVD and sold as a double feature on one disc. The bad news is that part 4 is shit.

Van Halen...is that you?

2007-02-02T21:22:00.000-08:00

Now, this blog usually doesn't cover much music news, but this huge story just popped up that I couldn't wait to comment on.

DAVID LEE ROTH HAS REJOINED VAN HALEN

Ok...settled? Good. Who knows how long this will last? Who knows if they will even make it through the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction on March 12th where not only Eddie, Alex, Michael Anthony (who has now been replaced with Wolfgang Van Halen), and Diamond Dave will be in attendance, but so will Sammy Hagar. That just has doesn't sound like it will end well.

I hope for America's sake the one, true Van Halen can make it through this upcoming 40 city tour. Wow. This is pretty big.

Link to TMZ.com story

Ghostbusted!

2007-01-31T17:42:00.000-08:00

A little bit of a controversy has sparked up over my last post. Apparently, I should do more research before throwing around accusations about Ray Parker Jr. We were contacted by Barbara Shelley, who has worked for Mr. Parker Jr. for a long time now. She just wanted to clarify that Ray Parker Jr. is the only name credited on "Ghostbusters". There was legal action in the past, which was settled out of court and included a confidentiality agreement. Now all is resolved and it is legally right to state that Ray Parker Jr. is the man responsible for the recording.

I want to thank Ms. Shelley for all the helpful information. As for Ray Parker Jr., he is gearing up for an upcoming tour about which you can find out much more on his website

Also, I want to remind everyone how great the original music video for "Ghostbusters" was by posting it here. Points for the person who can identify EVERY 80's superstar that makes an appearance in the video. Also, I had totally forgotten about the little bit at the end where the 4 Ghostbusters themselves walk with Parker Jr. in Times Square.

The Legend of Van Damme Grows

2007-01-30T22:43:00.000-08:00

Stealing Cable has never really dealt in gossip. My policy is whatever Lindsay Lohan wants to stuff in her vagina is her business. But sometimes a story comes along that is too juicy to let slide. The revelation that Jean-Claude Van Damme had a tryst with Kylie Minogue while making STREET FIGHTER is such a story.

In an interview with Empire Van Damme states "Street Fighter was corny to me," he told the magazine. "But there were nice things. I got to see the land of Australia and had a mini-affair with Kylie Minogue." Unreal. To think that while Raul Julia was slowly dying in his trailer Van Damme was knocking Minogue's combat boots.

In the same interview Van Damme drops some pretty deep logic. "I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover. If somebody's going to speak bad about me, I will walk away. But if a guy like Steven Seagal slaps me once, I will slap him twice as hard. Life is full of violence."

Well said Col. Guile, well said.

Ghostridin'

2007-01-30T16:32:00.000-08:00

It seems like "The Real" Ghostbusters are all over the internet nowadays. With all that recent hoopla about the new Xbox 360 game that was supposedly in development and its footage that got on youtube AND the 1959 Completely converted Chrysler/ECTO-1 for sale (only for 150,000 dollars!), there seems to be a Ghostbusting renaissance going on.

Earlier, I believe I introduced the readers of this blog to Mistah Fab's excellent how to on the art of "ghostridin your whip". The song was aptly titled "Ghost Ride it" and it uses an excellent sample of the Ray Parker Jr. classic (which in itself basically ripped off Huey Lewis' "I want a new drug") theme song.

The video features all the staples of hip hop videos, but also features a first...The first attempt at "ghost ridin'" an ECTO-1. I think you will all be happy to know that it was a great success!

Break out the Kool-Aid!

2007-01-28T21:43:00.000-08:00

It was a nice civilization while it lasted. There were a few laughs, some definite tears, but overall I'm proud of what we all accomplished. But it's time to pull the plug, cut our losses, and call it a day. That's right folks, EPIC MOVIE is the #1 film in the country.

I remember when I first saw the poster for EPIC MOVIE hanging in a theater lobby. I thought it was a spoof poster, perhaps some wacky frat kids having a bit of fun with the theater. But nope, it was an actual movie. I recall seeing the trailer in front of ROCKY BALBOA. Nobody laughed which was a sign to me that this flick would die a quick death and live out its years airing on Comedy Central at 10 in the morning on weekdays. Well the jokes on me. Actually the joke is on us.

I'm not in any way saying that I have to like every movie that becomes popular. For a few weeks NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM was #1. I get it, it's a family friendly comedy with big stars. Then STOMP THE YARD spent a couple weeks on top. Not my cup of tea but I can see why it would appeal to the hip youth culture that I know nothing about. Maybe I can see EPIC MOVIE being #1 in a real slow weekend, but both SMOKIN ACES (which I saw and is pretty good) and the Jennifer Garner rom-com CATCH AND RELEASE opened this weekend. Both of those should be making EPIC MOVIE their bitch.

What's really scary is that EPIC MOVIE has a shot at being on top 2 weekends in a row. Next weekend is traditionally slow because of the Super Bowl. 2 films go wide, the horror flick THE MESSENGERS and the Diane Keaton/Mandy Moore estrogen-fest BECAUSE I SAID SO. I have no interest in seeing either of those but I really hope some other people do. If not, make mine Mountainberry Punch.

Bon Voyage Curtis

2007-01-16T22:39:00.000-08:00

It didn’t take long for “24” to start their season with a bang. Most people would say that the detonation of a nuclear bomb in southern California was the biggest development so far. I disagree. What has made me an emotional wreck for about the last 24 hours was the death of CTU pointman Curtis Manning. A death made even more tragic by the fact that he was taken out by none other than Jack Bauer himself.

The writing was on the wall for Curtis. Rick Schroder signed onto the cast as a new CTU field agent and there is just not enough room for 2 people to tell Jack things like “The tac team is in position.” I knew Curtis was in trouble when he actually started to show emotions during Monday night’s telecast. For the previous 2 seasons Curtis seemed near-robotic in his actions. On “24” emotions get you killed.

I wish the best for Roger Cross, who portrayed Curtis. I have no doubt that he’ll be on TV soon enough as the black guy on some CBS show about Port Authority cops.

American Idol Season VI: A New (hopefully not white) Hope

2007-01-16T14:24:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again, folks, when people come together in the spirit of giving and a jolly fat man let's people know if they're being naughty or nice: American Idol Season 6 begins today! Obviously at this point there's not much to say about it, other than noting the usual promises that it's the best, wildest season yet. My only hope is that America has learned its lesson from last year, and destroys any and all grey-haired soul muppets early on. Who knows how much DNA Joe Cocker spread across the United States during the 1970s? Surely one would have to measure it by the million-barrel, like oil, and you know that now it's all headed straight for Idol tryouts like that was magnetic North. I guess I do have another hope, and that is an end to Idol judges letting through the Scott Stappiest wiener-bones of all humanity's dregs. Chris Daughtry sucked. Bo Bice sucked. Pouty Greek guy sucked. What they're doing might resemble rock in some superficial way, but it's not actually rock: it's fossilized sloth dung from the days of ice and megafauna. That's about it, I guess. If I had three wishes, they'd be a billion dollars and then those two things. Either way, though I enjoy the whole competition, the tryouts episodes should be universally appealing to pop lovers and haters alike. It's second only to Cops for best delusional people caught on film at their peak for entertainment purposes.

Goggins Speaks!

2007-01-15T19:38:00.000-08:00

We are about 3 months away from a new season of "The Shield." It wouldn't be such a long wait if F/X had something decent to currently put on Tuesdays at 10. Sadly, right know that slot is home to the new Courtney Cox gossip drama "Dirt." I only watched the first episode and that was enough to tell me that Cox was definietly not going to challenge Jennifer Aniston for the best post-"Friends" career anytime soon.

Anyways, back to "The Shield." Usually the only people you hear talk much about the show are Michael Chiklis or the show's creator Shawn Ryan. But IGN recently did an interview with Walton Goggins. His Shane character participated in the best scene of television last year opposite co-star Kenneth Johnson in the show's season finale. In the interview Goggins gives a lot of insight into his character and a few hints at what we can expect during season 6.

You can read the interview here. No official start date for the new season has been announced but if my math is correct then "Dirt" will end its season on March 27th. So if F/X acts in a logical manner "The Shield" should begin on April 3rd.

DVD Goodness: CRANK

2007-01-08T21:32:00.000-08:00

Blasting its way to DVD tomorrow is one of my favorite films of last year, the Jason Statham fast-paced flick CRANK. 2006 was not a great year for action films but I do believe I'm going to name CRANK the best one produced during that subpar year.

To be honest the action sequences in CRANK didn't really blow me away. What makes this one a classic of the genre is its dark sense of humor and a lead who really puts everything he has into his part. I doubt that a minute goes by in this film in which Statham does not appear. This one lives and dies on Statham's back and he delivers a welcome over-the-top change from the more quiet persona he adopted in the TRANSPORTER films.

The release tomorrow will probably not be the last DVD we see of CRANK, especially since the studio behind the movie is Lionsgate who loves to take a few dips into the well. This release does feature a "Crank'd Out Mode" which includes audio and video commentaries and behind the scenes footage while the movie plays. For some odd reason there is a "Family Friendly" mode which will allow you to watch Statham kill his way through the story while his offensive language is removed. This option will allow you to watch the movie with your kids and not have to explain what the bad words mean, but you may want an answer ready for when the kiddies ask why Statham is banging the hell out of Amy Smart right in the middle of Chinatown.

Year of the Drago?

2007-01-07T16:23:00.000-08:00

With ROCKY BALBOA doing solid business at the box office, Rocky-mania is at its highest level in years. Not only is Rocky making a comeback in the heart's of our nation but so too is another particular character from the boxing franchise. I am of course referring to Ivan Drago, the Soviet strongman who left a huge imprint while only having about 30 words of dialogue in ROCKY IV.

The evidence for this upswing in Drago interest can be seen here. It's an online video game titled "Ivan Drago: Justice Enforcer" in which the title character fights his way, "Double Dragon" style, through a series of foes. Along the way some familiar faces pop up to wreak havoc on the mighty Russian.

This game isn't the only Drago-related doings planned for '07. Due out in the spring is an Ivan Drago action figure which is one of many Rocky characters (including Paulie's robot!) that is being immortalized as a plastic toy. How long until a whole line of accessories will be available at Hot Topic?

Wahlberg does Berenger!

2007-01-03T23:08:00.000-08:00

No, get your mind out of the gutters people. Mark Wahlberg is a true heterosexual, and I can prove it with the two youtube videos following the trailer for his new movie "Shooter". Its directed by Antoine "had plenty of trouble in school because of his last name" Fuqua. It co-stars Danny Glover and Ned Beatty! It looks like a combination of the classic Berenger film "Sniper", the "Bourne Identity", and "The Fugitive". I don't feel too excited about it.

these next two really poor quality videos are from an Arsenio interview of Wahlberg in his Marky Mark days talking about his sexual prowess. That must have been one lucky woman.

He still comes to kick ass and chew bubblegum...

2007-01-03T22:59:00.000-08:00

Rowdy Roddy Piper has lymphoma. He is undergoing treatment for it. He is positive about his recovery.

We touched on the institution that is "The Kilt" in an earlier post, so I won't spend more time explaining why Mr. Piper is one of the greatest wrestlers of all time. I will just direct you to a fantastic little interview he gave IGN today.

IGN INTERVIEW

Trailer: GRINDHOUSE

2007-01-01T19:39:00.000-08:00

The trailer for the Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriguez film GRINDHOUSE surfaced a couple weeks ago. But between holiday activities I didn't get around to throwing a link up here. Today being the first day of the year seems like a good time to make amends, especially since GRINDHOUSE is easily my most anticipated movie of 2007.

Tarantino and Rodriguez have made their own seperate films. Tarantino's is a slasher flick titled "Death Proof" while Rodriguez offers up a zombie-themed movie titled "Planet Terror." Some of the names that'll be along for this ride in front of the camera include Kurt Russell, Michael Biehn, Jeff Fahey, Danny Trejo, Rose McGowen, Freddy Rodriguez, and Rosario Dawson.

The film opens on Good Friday, April 6th. Here is a link to the trailer. Keep your eyes open for a quick shot of a certain actor known for dying hard.

Derzkiedni: Russians Running Wild!

2006-12-28T15:16:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals. If you have been continually visiting this page looking for new posts, I applaud you. Chris has posted some nice thoughts about Rocky Balboa, which I should see by the end of this week.

I came across a movie trailer for a russian film, Derzkiedni. Even though "parkour" has been around for several years now, it is becoming all the rage on the movie screens. "Banlieu 13" aka "District B13" did it a couple years ago with the inventor of parkour David Belle, and the opening action scene of "Casino Royale" really popularized it because I know most Americans were wowed by that chase scene and kept telling me "i have never seen anything like that".

Now, the Ruskies are on board. While this trailer is totally in Russian, it does pose some important questions to me. What is up with that fat kid? What is up with the love interest's face? Do all Russians look that puny? What happened to the Ivan Drago-like race of super white men Russia is supposed to be full of? What happened to the mohawked spinning piledriving bear wrasslin giants? Come on Russia...you need to bring it like you brought it during the Cold War!

The movie itself looks pretty pedestrian, but it does seem to have some impressive stunt work.

Link to the movie home page

better link to the Rapidshare direct download site

Barely a Review: Rocky Balboa

2006-12-20T22:26:00.000-08:00

30 years after the original took the nation by storm, Sylvester Stallone is back on the big screen in the iconic role of Rocky Balboa. The fact that Stallone was able to make this movie was a huge hurdle to clear. The fact that it's an honest to God good movie is an even greater feet of strength.

ROCKY BALBOA is a throwback to the original. The over-the-top theatrics of ROCKY III and IV (which I love) are nowhere to be seen as Stallone plays the character with gentle touches that make him seem more human than ever before. Stallone is smart enough to realize that the story of a near 60-year old man fighting a champion half his age is absurd, but if you can make the character grounded and likeable then the audience will go along for the ride.

This film washes out the bad taste left in the free world's mouth after ROCKY V. The series has come full circle. It started as an underdog story and it ends in the same fashion. It's not a perfect film but its flaws seem small compared to the joy in watching the series find solid footing before it rides off into the cinematic sunset.

Daybroken

2006-12-17T20:03:00.000-08:00

Well ABC has decided to take a nice steaming Christmas dump on those (few) who were enjoying the hell out of their series "Daybreak." The show which starred Taye Diggs as a cop framed for murder and forced to relive the same day until he could clear his name has been pulled from the network's schedule.

The ratings have been low for the show but when a network starts a series like "Daybreak," which they touted would run from start of the story to finish, and then kills it midway through they are really fucking themselves in the long run. Why should I start watching any "serialized" show that runs on ABC from here on out?

Word is that episodes of "Daybreak" will show up on ABC's website but that doesn't cut it. I'll sit through clips of stuff online but it's not the way I like to engage myself with hour long television shows. To watch something online for more than 10 minutes makes no sense if it won't end with multiple money shots. Hopefully the show will find a home on DVD.

You may have noticed the picture with this entry featuring the cast of "According to Jim." That's because this Wednesday at 9PM, "Daybreak's" former time slot, you can catch repeats of Jim Belushi's fascinating examination of the modern family. Joy to the world indeed.

Sleeper Cell Awakes

2006-12-10T17:08:00.000-08:00

Last year at this time Showtime premiered their mini-series "Sleeper Cell" to little fanfare. Since that time the show remains one of the best kept secrets on television but the critical praise it garnered was enough for a new batch of episodes beginning tonight at 9 under the banner "Sleeper Cell: American Terror."

To say the show is simply about terrorism doesn't explain the half of it. "Sleeper Cell" is perhaps the most interesting depiction of not only those in charge of stopping terrorism, but the actual terrorists themselves. One of its great gifts is the way it lulls you into a comfort level to the point where you actually like the members of the terror cell, then they'll do something that'll turn your stomach and remind you how far they'll go for their cause.

"Sleeper Cell: American Terror" will run a new episode each night between tonight, December 10th thru December 17th. Viewers with access to Showtime On-Demand have the ability to watch all the episodes starting this evening. Though I say that's cheating.

Olyphant Targeted for Hitman

2006-12-05T21:12:00.000-08:00

Timothy Olyphant is getting quite the reputation for picking up roles vacated by other actors. He landed the part as the main villain in LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD when Jeffrey Wright dropped out and now he has been cast as the lead in a proposed HITMAN film based on the popular (Are they? I'm not really up on what games are popular anymore, "Frogger" sure was sweet) series of video games.

For a while the role of the kill-happy Agent 47 had Vin Diesel's name on it. Diesel's loss is his A MAN APART co-star Olyphant's gain who might be able to use this chance to jump into leading man status. Not sure why Diesel isn't attached to the project, perhaps he's more attached to being irrelevant.

Low blow, I know.

MyTube: Speechless

2006-12-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

Well, I know I have called many of my previous YouTube posts "the best one ever". I probably overuse that title, and here we go again.

If I know our audience, and I think I do, I think you are going to fall in love with "Terminator vs. Robocop". No more explanation is needed. All we need to do now is sit in thanks of the genius behind this and his adept editing skills. Look for uses of footage from several other action classics! Part 1 and Part 2 follow...with a Part 3 IN THE WORKS!!!

(My only real issue lies with the winner of both struggles. I think we all know who would really win...)

Ricky, I mean Rick Schroder joins 24.

2006-12-04T19:51:00.000-08:00

As the new year approaches, so too does the new day of "24." The show has assembled a great group of guest stars for the upcoming 6th season and apparently there are still more actors needed to either help save the world or blow it up.

The newest addition to the cast is Rick Schroder. He'll be playing CTU operative Mike Doyle, described as Jack Bauer's "go-to man in the field" which I think translates to "will die horribly." Schroder joins a roster for the new season that already includes Peter MacNicol, James Cromwell, Kal Penn, and Powers Boothe as the Vice President (if only!).

The 5th season of "24" arrives on DVD tomorrow. As much as I like the show I stopped buying the seasons after the first 2. The DVD set contains a short prequel for the new season which can already be seen on Youtube here.

Stallone: Revealed!

2006-12-03T19:58:00.000-08:00

I’m not a big fan of Aint It Cool News. I don’t like the site’s design, the talkbacks make me weep for humanity, and those animated scenes at the top showing Harry Knowles in famous movie moments make him look far better than the slob he actually is. But I do give credit where credit is due and they have started running a feature that has been a lot of fun to read.

Apparently Sylvester Stallone contacted Knowles and wanted questions from his readership. So starting last Friday Stallone has been answering 10 questions a day about everything from the upcoming ROCKY BALBOA to what was the proper way to use the 3 seashells from DEMOLITION MAN. Supposedly there will be 200 questions answered and so far Stallone has been going into good detail with his responses.

You can check out the first 10 questions here. There has been a new batch of 10 added each day and if they stay on schedule there will be enough new ones to keep us occupied until ROCKY BALBOA is released on December 20th.

Prayers for Piper

2006-11-29T19:09:00.000-08:00

It was only a few weeks ago that I spoke about the 3-disc set released by the WWE dedicated to the career of Roddy Piper. Well it would seem that the toughest challenge to face Piper isn't mentioned on that disc. That's because he has been diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Piper was sent home early from a WWE tour of the United Kingdom and was hospitalized where doctors removed a mass near his spinal cord which contained an enlarged lymph node. The mass was completely removed, but the lymph node tested positive for Hodgkin's lymphoma.

If there's one thing Piper has shown throughout his life it's that you can't keep a good man down. I have no doubt that he'll dropkick lymphoma and show the world that heaven is going to have to find another angel for the time being.

Stealing Cable T-shirt Store: OPEN FOR BUSINESS

2006-11-21T21:27:00.000-08:00

Well, there is only one t-shirt in the inventory right now. It won't win any design awards, but heck I put it together because I wanted to show my support for "Passenger 57" himself. Anyway, you can go here to reach Stealing Cable's Cafe Press store. I don't plan on making any money off this, so its going to cost you the same amount it would to make your own t-shirt on Cafe Press.

So, visit the store. Buy some shirts. Support Wesley.

CafePress Stealing Cable store link

I Can't Believe it. A Remake of a Horror Film!

2006-11-21T20:26:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure when it became law to remake every single horror film made before 1995 but we need to put a stop to it before Vern Troyer is cast in an updated version of LEPRECHAUN. Until then we'll just have to continue eating up this slop.

Due in theaters this January is a remake of THE HITCHER, the 1986 film in which Rutger Hauer hitches a ride from C. Thomas Howell and then spends the rest of the movie trying to kill him and anybody around with a pulse. Hauer was the villain in the film but I ask you this, wouldn't we all kill C. Thomas Howell if we had the chance? I'm just kidding, I love C. Thomas. With the exception of former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop he's my favorite person in the world who begins his name with the initial C. If Howell grows a funny beard maybe I'll reconsider and put him in the top spot.

The new HITCHER stars Sean Bean as the maniac passenger known as John Ryder. I'd look to see the names of the youngsters he'll be terrorizing but it doesn't matter. They're interchangable with the young actors who will star in whatever horror movie opens the week after THE HITCHER. Here's the trailer which looks to keep things pretty close to the original, so close that you may as well do yourself a favor and just watch the original.

Hey New Orleans you're gonna be ok: COMIC RELIEF 2006

2006-11-17T16:02:00.000-08:00

You know, I dont think I have ever seen a full Comic Relief special. I have probably seen bits and pieces of many of them, but I just remember damning my parents for not having HBO because on that channel you could curse, Robin Williams would be coked out of his mind but still funnier than anyone in the room, Billy Crystal could make hilarious observations about old Jewish people, Andrew "Dice" Clay (I think he was on a couple of these specials) could make jokes full of sexual innuendo that would go right over my 10 year old head, and you could watch Whoopi Goldberg...um...stand there?

Well, after a long hiatus the trio is back (sadly sans the "Dice" man)! They are putting on another Comic Relief to benefit the Hurricane ravaged south. There are going to be a ton of comedians on it. Also in attendance will be the obligatory Dane Cook appearance (I still think he is funny, but I think his agent needs to be more choosy from now on). The always hilarious Rebecca Romjin (wtf?) and New Orleans Brass/Funk/Rock fusion band "Bonerama" (they aren't comedians. there is no relationship to "Growing Pains". I checked. just poor choice of name.) But more importantly, its also going to be broadcast on TBS, this Saturday night. I am not sure if the TBS broadcast will differ from the HBO one outside of bleeping, but either way it should be cool.

Comic Relief Homepage for more info

I Diggs This New Show

2006-11-16T19:32:00.000-08:00

With "Lost" on hiatus for the next few months it's going to take quite a show to hold down the fort for ABC on Wednesdays. Judging by last night's premiere of "Daybreak" I do believe they have done just that.

"Daybreak" stars Taye Diggs, perhaps you remember him from that time he gave groove back to Stella, as a cop who wakes one day to find himself framed for murder and on the run from his fellow officers, not to mention a mystery group of men dressed in black who are quite eager to see him confess to the murder. The kicker is that Diggs' character is forced to relive this day over and over again until he gets it right. Yes, this is the same premise as GROUNDHOG DAY. But if network television can air 3 versions of "CSI" I'm fairly certain it can survive a show that swipes heavily from a 13 year-old movie.

So far I like what I'm seeing. Diggs is backed up with a good supporting cast that includes Adam Baldwin, Jonathan Banks, and a smoking gal named Moon Bloodgood who plays Diggs' girlfriend. It should also be noted that Moon Bloodgood is the coolest name ever.

I'm interested in seeing if the show can keep each new version of the same day fresh. If it can accomplish that then we're gonna be in for a fun couple of months following this story play out. If you missed the 2-hour premiere you can head over here and check it out on ABC's website.

Look what's coming out on DVD, you little jerks!

2006-11-16T18:01:00.000-08:00

It's no big revelation to say the holiday season has inspired a glut of terrible family films that nevertheless still turn a profit--even Tim Allen has successfully managed to fight off oblivion, after all. The bright side of such dire industry-enforced lowered expecations is that when a truly great holiday-themed film is made, it sticks out like Rudolph's big red glowing phallus, and inspires the same kind of unadulterated joy for generations to come. Chief among them, at least for my money, is 1990's life-altering Christmas megahit Home Alone, which is getting an extreme DVD makeover just in time for, uh, next Tuesday.

I don't think there's a person in America who needs a plot synopsis, so I'll move directly to the extras. There are several behind-the-scenes featurettes, one of them guided by the "Mac" himself, and of course a blooper reel and a set of deleted scenes. The features that make this release worth more than a rental however include: "Where's Buzz Now?," which offers a variety of hypotheses on where Kevin's big ugly brother might be today. I'd like to think he's off somewhere punching nerds with Chet from Weird Science and Wayne Arnold from The Wonder Years. Also included--uncut--is the infamous clip from "Angels With Filthy Souls" that Kevin uses to such great effect. And the icing on this booby-trapped gingerbread house is a newly-recorded feature-length commentary from Chris Columbus and Macaulay Culkin. I don't think there's a better way to spend Christmas Day than watching the Wet Bandits get torn to shreds by a precocious twirp. So this Tuesday I suggest you--as I will--go to your favorite video store, fork over a $20, and tell whoever's at the register to "Keep the change, ya filthy animal!" And then--as I will--take the change anyway.

DVD Goodness: The Roddy Piper Story

2006-11-13T20:19:00.000-08:00

The past few years the WWE has been honoring their legends with in-depth DVDs chronicling their greatest moments. Finally there's one of these suckers that I have to get my mitts on. It's titled "Born to Controversy: The Roddy Piper Story" and it hits stores Tuesday.

Roddy Piper is simply put the greatest wrestler since the dawn of man. He may not be some steroid chugging behemoth. But those guys are a dime a dozen. Piper was all about using his big mouth to get the job done. Nobody talked trash better than Piper. He eventually took his charm and wit and applied it to motion pictures. As much as I enjoyed The Rock in THE RUNDOWN, Piper's role in THEY LIVE remains the greatest performance by a wrestler in film.

Included in the 3-disc set are several of Piper's signature matches. What I'm really looking forward to is Piper's legendary "Wrestlemania 2" boxing match against Mr. T. I'm sure the set will also offer up plenty of segments from "Piper's Pit," where Roddy would interview his fellow wrestlers and commonly end these chats by beating the snot out of his guests. I'd like to see Charlie Rose try that!

DVD Goodness: The Sopranos Season 6, Part 1

2006-11-06T23:50:00.000-08:00

The 2 best shows on television for my money are "The Sopranos" and "The Shield." They're to TV what Ali/Frazier were to boxing. During their most recent seasons I found "The Shield" finally delivered a knockout to "The Sopranos" but that's not to say the mob drama was lackluster. This week part 1 of the 6th "Sopranos" season comes to DVD in a standard no frills release that has unfortunately been the norm for the program's DVD releases.

I never let the lack of features (or the jacked up HBO DVD prices) on "The Sopranos" sets sway me from purchasing them. I always find it great to rewatch the shows on disc because I'm bound to have missed some key details during its original run. Besides, the episode where Christopher heads to LA and schmoozes with Ben Kingsley is worth whatever price being asked.

The 2nd part of the 6th (and final?) season is scheduled to start in March. That is unless James Gandolfini stubs his toe in which case the premiere will be pushed back to April of 2012.

MyTube: 28 Days Slater

2006-11-04T18:01:00.000-08:00

Apparently, team tiger awesome is made up of geniuses. Who are they? A group of people who got together to make comedy films. Apparently this series got a lot of play on Channel 102, which I probably don't frequent enough (probably because most of the stuff on there sucks ass). If you are a fan of Saved by the Bell, you are going to love this. The series of videos is quite epic in scope and needs little introduction. Just know this, it freaking rocks...preppy.

The series is 5 videos long...and parts of it contain boobs, so its definitely NSFW (not safe for work).